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acceptance

Jan 17, 2009 - 0 comments
Tags:

acceptance

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pancreatitis

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years

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crazy

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depressed

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selfworth

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attributes

,

God



A rough night and morning.  I had a flare up of my pancreatitis.  It was the worse one in a long time.  I did have to utilize some medications but I did not have to go to ER.  Praise God.  Tommorrow is our 24th anniversary.  We did live together 3 years prior to that.  I spent time reflecting on how we have managed to make it thru so many crisises.  I learned to develope coping tools that some may think was crazy.  When my hubby was drinking and acting crazy, driving, fighting, etc.  I would worry so much about how I would survive if he was kille or worse yet kill someone else.  I would mentally go thru the steps I would take it that happened.  I would visualize who I would call first, who I would help me thru all the things one has to do with the death of a loved one .At the end of my visualizing how I would handled things I knew that I SURVIVED.  My biggest fear in life was that I could not deal with the big issues  life gives us.
I have always wanted to be a nurse.  I study, did clinical and did all the things required to become a RN. My whole life was my nursing.  I identified myself as a nurse and a caring,compasionate nurse.  When I got my letter this week from my employer syating I needed to find a nonnursing position that will accommadate my limitations I really became depressed.  I was able to identify what was going on emotionally.  I knew that I had wrapped myself into my proffession.  I rec my affirmations from my clients when I was able to help them.  i knew that I was able and willing to go that extra mile assissting, investigating, or educate someone that needed that extra attention.  When I was able to acknowledge just how much I had relied on my role as an RN to feel appreciated, and recognized as a knowledge compassionate ant professional.  I figured out that I should never had let that happen.  My focus now needs to be on recognizing my self for who I am not what I do.  I need to focus on my God and how he made me with my attributes.  I know that I need to keep my focus positive and not let my illness or emplpyment or lack of it decide my worth.

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