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people are funny

Jan 17, 2009 - 9 comments

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.

Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.

"Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD!

You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK!

Careful . CAREFUL!  I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up!

Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them.

You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt.

USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"

The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you?

You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"

The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."

*********************************************************

A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house.  She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, "Honey, pack your bags.  I won the lottery!"

The husband said, "Oh my God!  What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?"

"Doesn't matter," she said. "Just get out."

*******************************************************

Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man, was drafted by the Army.  On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb.

That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair.

On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush.

That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth.

On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap.

The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years.



real as it gets
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709537 tn?1232584855
by seth85, Jan 20, 2009
a woman came out of the supermarket arms full of groceries, as she approached a car she saw four young men fooling around in the car, she put down her groceries, pulled out a gun and said to them, you have five seconds to get out before I shoot your heads off, they soon got out and took off running for their lives, the women got in the car put the key in, but it didn't fit, not her car, hers was further down.

541953 tn?1262586226
by scaredmom330, Jan 20, 2009
I needed to laugh thank you!!!!

611067 tn?1458591483
by HelpinUtah, Jan 20, 2009
LOL!!!!  Those cracked me up!  I have heard the one that Seth posted before! Too funny!!!!

365714 tn?1292199108
by MJIthewriter, Jan 20, 2009
I found them funny too, but it was the last one that got me really laughing.  Speaking about wrong cars, one time grandma got into a car she thought was hers, same model and everything... She got in alright, turned the key, then noticed there was a car seat in the back and her car didn't have it.  She got out of the car and left quickly....



460185 tn?1326077772
by lonewolf07, Jan 20, 2009
Did they ever find Herman James?  = )

Loved the jokes.




611067 tn?1458591483
by HelpinUtah, Jan 20, 2009
The wrong car one is a true story I believe!  At least that's my recollection of it anyway!

599170 tn?1300973893
by Cherie762, Jan 20, 2009
love the lottery one lmao

535822 tn?1443976780
by margypops, Jan 20, 2009
wow I need a laugh he he he

242912 tn?1402543492
by Jade59, Jan 20, 2009
LOL!!   I laughed so loud at the lottery one my husband said I scared my cat!

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