Sep 08, 2012
Once I was sharp...quick to learn, tireless and competent. So much has happened...anxiety, exhaustion, illness, over-medication, grief, betrayal. I've lost so much ground that even the will to live is long gone. Without a will to live motivation to keep up with the necessary tasks to thrive is hard to come by.
I've rejected the medications that wore me down, but cannot afford the foods that would build me back up. Grocery shopping is a nightmare because I know as much as I do about not only the additives in readily available foods but also that the foods that I need are the most expensive.
My best guess for why God would put it in me to learn so much about nutrition and wellness only to have me unable to act on it is that I could so easily make wellness my god and whole foods my idols.
I may be a mess, but Jesus reigns. When I look at me and what ails me (including my loneliness) I feel utterly wretched. Eyes in the wrong place! "Though He slay me, yet will I hope in Him!"