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Sep 13, 2012 - 2 comments

So he leaves in the middle of my mental break down/head injury.  When I say anything about feeling abandoned and unsupported he yells in my face about how he has stood by me for the last 2 years, yes but its not done.  
Ok all that aside, you dumped me, you moved out and left me and my kids with bills overdue and no food!!!! THEN...  Bump into me and I offer you a ride home, at the end of it you kiss me, passionately and quietly say, "I miss you." and walk away.  WTF do I do with that!!!!  Apparently the wrong thing!!!!  So I invite you over that night (I don't know what I am hoping for or thinking) thought we may talk about stuff, you kiss me and cuddle me and then you leave?!?  Next couple texts I get are about making the break up permanent and is it even worth it to try?!??

WTF am I suppose to do:(. I'm so freaking confused...

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by sadmomma4, Sep 14, 2012
I may be messed up right now and some little intoxicated but I still don't understand my life.  Why does it never work for me.  When I was a kid, I worked so hard to be perfect, school straight a's, my sport, I worked to be the best at every position, I worked on the boys team so hard so I could play "real" babe Ruth baseball.  I tried and worked hard all the time and I was never good enough.  But my dad left, and then I worked harder, at baseball, gymnastics, school, everything I was involved in I tried to be the best at everything!  But I realize I am never the best I am worst.  I ruin everything.  My straight A's turn into dropping out to have a baby.  My dreams went from playing pro but can do that with a baby.  I just know I messed up everything.  I don't know what to anymore.  No wonder EVERYONE LEAVES ALWAYS!   I'm done this site!  Now my bf after years of making me believe him I let my guard down and WHAM!  Gets what he wants from me and back to talking and planning this break up:(. So I'm stupid for sure he pays me some attention tells me he misses me and he loves me and I fall for it and he laughs in my face, here I think he's coming home and he's only in it for the  booti and yep I gave it up crying the whole time...  It's ok he didn't notice, but he got up to leave right after.  Left again:(. What is wrong with me?????  Lord I'll be seeing you soon, I hope, and I want some answers please!

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by nursegirl6572, Sep 14, 2012
I hope, when you sober up a bit, you have a clearer head.  Giving up is just NOT an option when there are kids involved, hon.  NO matter what is going on with your BF, or anyone else, you have to want sobriety for your child(ren).  Getting drunk and snorting pills isn't "wanting sobriety".  Please find some help.  

Kids didn't ask to be born into our worlds.  Whatever we've got going on in our lives, it's not their problem.  They didn't sign up for this..WE brought them into our situations.  If a person's situation isn't good for the kids, they must change it.  That's what being a good parent is all about.  Just loving the kids isn't enough.  The sad thing is...all of these problems you're having, with the BF, with addicition...your kids will find a way to make that their fault.  When we become parents, we no longer have the right to be selfish.  We no longer have the right to act poorly because of how WE feel.  We must always put our kids feelings first.  If we have a bad day...we cannot come home and get bombed.  If we feel like partying, guess what?  Can't.  Not unless it's occasional when there is a sitter.  For someone with a history of addiction, the party is over.

Also, life doesn't always work with our "dreams", but when life happens, you make new dreams.  Your whole life doesn't have to be gauged by what you did or didn't do.  You're stuck in that negative self talk mode that's so common with addiction, depression, anxiety.  You have to learn how to break that cycle of thought.  It's well worth it.  That's where a professional (therapist) can help you.  Look into CBT therapy.

YOU have to want to change your life for the better.  You sound like a smart cookie.  You KNOW the asnwer to all your problems isn't to get drunk, or abuse your pills.  That's going to lead you on a road to nowhere.  Pick yourself up by your boot straps and start TRYING.  You can do it.

Nothing I've said here is meant to be mean, or offensive.  I'm not pointing my finger at you, I',m just trying to get you to see there are SO many reasons why you need to really get some help.  Your kids are worth it, and YOU are worth it.  You've been putting yourself down for so long, that it's just the norm for you.  Time to start thinking a little better about YOU.  YOU deserve to be happy, healthy, living a clean life with a clear head, you deserve whatever the world has to offer.  You need to learn how to be proud of yourself again.  Just because you weren't able to pursue pro ball doesn't make YOU a bad person.  It was life...life happened, you sacrificed for your child.  That's what parents do, and you're an amazing mommy for doing that.  Time to start focusing on the positive.  I think you need a professional to help you through this, and that's okay.

Hugs.

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