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Jan 24, 2009 - 0 comments

I had this really weird headache today that i used to get a lot in high school. it's like a tension headache and also it feels like my brain is itchy or crawly or something. it's hard to explain. it makes me really frustrated and irritable though.
I miss my boyfriend a lot. that's really the only relationship problem i'm having. i feel like i don't have time for anything and it's really cutting into the time i get to spend with him, plus i'm usually in a weird mood when we do get to hang out.
work issues are really school issues. i do not want to read "Phaeto". my eyes hurt because my prescription is so bad now for my contacts and my headache and nausea get worse when i try to read, and it is also hard to follow and to pay attention. ad i made the mistake of looking at next week in my agenda and it's a freaking nightmare. and i have to add in volunteer work so i can move on to step ten, and i just feel like i am at my limit. so i guess i'll just float on from here. pray and knock one thing out at a time.
sweeney todd is the worst movie and music score, ever, by the way,
the self harm i've done today was smoking and i made myself throw up. i really didn't want to, i hate doing that but my stomach hurt sooooo bad. it felt like i really needed to throw up, like i was constantly on the verge of it, so finally i just made it happen. i know it's not good to do but my stomach feels better now. not awesome, by a long shot, but i don't feel nauseous anymore.
i cried a little bit today because i felt so overwhelmed, and i cried a lot just now because i feel lonely and i guess scared a little. i don't know of what. but god will provide a way for me to get the important stuff done, and i am never lonely with him, and i am never without him, and i have nothing to fear because i am under his watch. i just have to keep remembering to pray, pray, pray. and to get a god box!
i hope i get some good sleep in tonight. i'm exhausted but not sleepy. pray pray pray...

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