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Time to reflect - 49 today.

Oct 17, 2012 - 1 comments

As today is my 49th birthday I am moved to reflect on the past and try and have hope for the future.  It has been almost a year since my dx but deep down  I knew 10 years ago that I had this disease.  Guess denial played a big part!  I have been good only minor flares nothing big and my MRI results one year out are good.  No new lesions and nothing active.  Just feel like my disability is increasing.  My right leg used to be the weak one now it is stronger than the left.  I work both of them equally but guess I need to concentrate on the left more.  I look at pictures from 5 -7 years ago from trips I have taken and it does put me in a melancholy mood.  I know that these are places and things I will never do again as I am just not as mobile.  Friends want to do the New York Christmas trip again and that just isn't a possibility for me anymore.  Makes me sad and wish for that old life.  I know that this is the "new" life and i have to adjust but sometimes it is hard.  For the most part I have the "this will not beat me"  attitude but on a day like today where I am a year older I feel like it is beating me.  I know fatigue plays a part and I am always exhausted but keep plugging away.  

I know that these feelings will pass they always do but they have hit me hard today and thought maybe putting it on paper would help.  So I will move forward another year older and try and keep going.  

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by UnsureMS, Oct 17, 2012
First off a bless birthday to you. Next, I know how you must feel...I am still young but I wonder what my furtute holds. I have two step kids one girl who is ten, and a seven year old boy. I use to run at the playground with them, and play video games all night with them. But now sometimes I feel too tired to do those things, or feeling too dizzy, or in too much pain. But what I have done to help keep me going is find things I can do, and get them involved. Last weekend we folded paper planes. After they were done while they ran around and flew them, I filmed it on my phone. We still had fun but I didn't have to run, or be up to much.

The little things in life are what count. I have come to realize through my grandma that no matter what I have wrong with me or don't... I would still get older and still come to not be able to do what I always have been able to. She taught me to find the little things that make me smile and hold on to them no matter what age I am. My kids being happy makes me smile. A cool breeze while just hanging out outside makes me smile.

I encourage you don't dread your birthday embrace it. Another year has gone by yes, but a new year begins. What blessings will come your way this year to come? What small things will make you smile? A butterfly, a beautiful sunset, or will it be a rainbow on a sunny day? A child's laughter, a beautiful song, or a peaceful morning in bed? Any of these could bring a smile. With all this being said A Very Happy and Blessed Birthday to you.

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