Oct 19, 2012
About an hour ago my husband sent me a text in a sort of effort to be a comforting friend, then it became 32 total between the two of us text conversation, that was the first in this whole ordeal that we actually allowed for a healing and remained throughout conversation. It only put a couple stitches of the hundreds we individually need, and we still remain on opposite mind sets on where we want to be in the future (me, as a healed healthy happy couple, him as individual healed healthy happy platonic friends) . Even though this opposition causes me so much pain, Ifeeel we both were able to say what we wanted and where our feelings stand without invalidating the others feelings, or adding hurt and unesasary pain.
Am I crying, and feeling hopeless about the future of us right now? Yes, it took me 20 minutes to control the tears enough to do this entry, but some how, the way that conversation went, gave me a slight emotional peace however small, its progress toward the one goal we do agree on and thats wanting us both to heal. Just have huge difference in what we want as a final outcome.
Now instead of letting my mind obsess and quickly tear those stitches out, by becoming destructive and emotionally damaging when I allow myself to dwell on one event for far to long, therefore causing not only the fresh stitches to rip but slice another length of pain calling for even more healing. I'm going to drown my irrational impulses, with music so my brain and emotions can absorb the healing, instead of go to war with each other yet again. Goodnight