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Treatment Land

Oct 19, 2012 - 0 comments

So, I woke up this morning feel like I have never felt before.  I got this overwhelming feeling of unwellness (not sure if that's even a word!)  It's the best I can come up with at this point in time.  I called my mom and husband to vent, but I don't think anyone can understand unless you are going through it yourself.  I went to youtube to watch a video from someone else that is in treatment, and she referred to this place she feels like she is in at this time in treatment...treatment land.  I thought that was perfect!  I guess you could say that's where I am as well.  I feel like I don't really fit in with my "old life" and I have a hard time feeling like someone gets me right now.  Everything seems to be wrapped around this treatment journey, and although I am thankful that it exists, it's still not easy to accept every single day.  I miss being carefree, young, and healthy.  I feel like I'm fighting to keep "me" still in my body and to not allow this thing to take over completely.  I don't know if you call that depression or what, but it's something I've never quite experienced before.  A feeling of claustaphobia in my own body if you will.  Sounds weird to say it, but that's how I feel.  I am on Lexapro though, and considering maybe increasing the dosage?

I am one to always try and stay positive, so I'm sorry for venting.  I feel connected to many of you in a way as you are probably the closest ones to understanding what I'm going through.  Okay, now enough with my rambling and I've got to gain some focus to complete some of my school work now.  

Hope everyone is having a good day!

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