All Journal Entries Journals

PVCs and my slow disappearance from my old life

Jan 28, 2009 - 2 comments








It has been a month since the first PVCs. They are getting worse. Chest pain, terror. I feel myself slipping away from my old life, from all I used to be. I am distancing myself from my husband and son because I feel like they should get used  to life without me. I am utterly convinced this is going to kill me. My doctor tells me this is benign. I don't believe him. I have seen studies to indicate otherwise. I wish I had a better doctor. I believe in my gut that these are a sign of impending death. I feel death at my shoulder. I am mourning my own life. I used to be happy, and my husband and I laughed all the time. Now I cry. He looks at me with fear and pity. My son doesn't know me anymore. I went to read him a story the other night and he said "I want daddy, I'm not used to you." I have withdrawn from everything I used to love, because I want to make sure they can manage without me before I disappear. Sometimes I think it would be easier to end it quickly than to endure this horrific decline. My speech is slightly slurred now, too, like I have a stutter I never used to have. I don't know what is happening to me, but I hate it. I miss me.

Post a Comment
363281 tn?1590104173
by SassyLassie, Jan 31, 2009
I can understand your fears and the feelings you are going through. I would say with almost 100% certainty that your symptoms are anxiety related. I have chronic anxiety, and I have the chest pains, shortness of breath, feeling slurry when I talk (that is due to tight muscles in your face), everything. Anxiety is a mimicker of so many things. I know you sadness and fear, everyday, I fear I will have a PVC that will kill me, even though my doctor has said they won't and my echocardiogram was OK. It is a horrible feeling, and once this fear gets a hold on you, it will grow and grow until you take control. That is so hard to do, I know, because when you are in fear, a person does not think too well.

There is another forum here that is just for sufferers of anxiety, you might want to go there also and post your worries, I bet they could help, I am a member, but have not posted yet, but, I have read some threads, and they really seem to help each other.

Also, a book by Dr. Claire Weekes, called "Hope and Help for Your Nerves." it is wonderful, very easy to understand, and has been a big help to me and to others as well. You can purchase it on the net through Amazon I believe.

I know you miss you, I miss me too, but, we CAN survive this, we have to fight it, it is an invisible enemy. I do not know your religious beliefs, but, if you are a Christian and believe it prayer, it can be a wonderful source of comfort as well.

Anyway, I hope this helps. I will pray for you.


PS. I am going to post this letter in the heart forum too, that way, others can read it in case they have trouble like we do.

Avatar universal
by presson01, May 12, 2009
Number one, relax!

Easier said than done, right, trust me I know!  I know exactly how you feel.  My first onset of PVC's started when I was on a fishing trip at the age of 18.  I have had them consistently on and off up until now, and I am thirty five.

I have had issues with panic and anxiety and that was directly related to my heart issue.  I have had the treadmills, ekg's, etc... and every cardioligist and doc I see says the same thing, PVC's and PAC's are benign and are in no way the sign of a underlying heart condition.  Lots of people get them, most don't feel them.

I think the best thing for you is to approach the response your mind has programmed itself to do when you feel these symptoms.  The PVC's are triggering an anxiety attack that races the thoughts, what if's us to death, and presumes impending doom.  So not only do we feel out of control physically we then make ourselves feel like we are going to get out of control emotionally or go crazy.

You probably battle the late night scary thoughts, even when your rythm is perfect.  "What if I die and leave my family, what if I lose control emotionally, I can't live like this, etc..."

I have been there, I was a thirty year old man with a wife and three kids who used to go into the shower and cry so they would not hear me or think I was weak.  But I found hope!

I put in several months of research and found many things that helped me overcome the anxiety and reduce the PVC's.  

I now help people, as sort of a life coach, for free, help deal with anxiety and panic.  I am not a doctor or a therapist,  my profession is a minister and I help folks like us who are dealing with these issues learn some skills that can help overcome the fear and live a full life, happy life, even with the PVC's.

Contact me and let me know if I can help,


Post a Comment