Nov 07, 2012
i dont know what to do with myself right now. my brain just gave me the most serious inclination i've had in a while to pick up smoking. i know it's wrong. i have asthma. smoking could kill me. but i want it? cuz i know that it makes you calm. i know that it helps with the hurt. i have a lot of hurt right now.
i want to cut right now so bad. but where? cutting my thigh was great... until i put pants back on and tried to walk for the next few days. also i'm afraid if i cut too deep all my fat will spill out. that sounds dumb as fukk but i'm serious. it could happen. i really wanna cut tho. i need it. thighs are out, so... arms? which one, where? i'm sick of cutting my upper arm, but with my roommate here i dont know how i could pull off some forearm or wrist cutting. and i've never cut my wrists before. what if i cut too deep? im not suicidal....plus i'm going to see michelle this weekend. she doesnt know i've started cutting again. god i'm screwed.