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My son doesn't want to go to school

Nov 02, 2007 - 7 comments
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This past week my son has made excuses not to go to school.  His first semester he had perfect attendance and academic excellence.  He never wanted to miss school.  If he was sick, he would go anyway.  We are 2 weeks into the new semester and he doesn't want to go.  He claims his throat hurts and he feels bad.  Well, he never wants to go to the doctor but wanted to on this particular morning.  I took him, but our family doctor said he was ok, had the beginning of a sore throat from allergies which he has year round.  He gave him a prescription for antibiotics but said he was ok otherwise.  He takes karate 3x a week and doesn't want to go to that either.  He got hurt in a bouncy playhouse, fell on his back and injured his sternum about a month ago and wasn't able to compete in karate tournaments, but he is fine now.  He yelled at my husband this past evening like he's never ever done before.  We grounded him from his computer and t.v. but my husband gave it back the next day.

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Avatar universal
by andie40, Nov 02, 2007
Have you ever thought that he might be the victim of bullying at school?  I teach school and there are usually a couple of reasons kids don't want to go to school.  One is academic failure which leads to low self-esteem.  This doesn't seem to fit your son.  They also often don't want to go because they don't feel safe anymore.  You didn't mention how old your son is.  I work with younger elementary students.  If he is older, has he made new friends lately that could be the wrong influence?  Does he not want to go to karate because he is burned out?  Often doing something alot is great at first, but after awhile it wears thin.  Kids think they want to do all this stuff, but as parents, we have to remember that down time is also essential.  They need time to just be kids and do things after school for fun.  The yelling could be a sign of his own frustration.  It might be beneficial to see the advice of an outside councelor with a background in working with kids.  This could be nothing more than emotional growing pains but something else might be going on. I would definitely see the advice of an expert.

Avatar universal
by Iggietoo, Nov 02, 2007
My son is 6 yrs old.  After a lot of questioning this morning, he finally told me that he doesn't like the Sister yelling at him and is afraid to ask for her help when he doesn't understand the assignment at school.  He said he would rather ask one of his classmates than ask the Sister, but yet he said there are 2 boys that never let him play them them.  One of them was the same bully from last year, the other one is a kid with ADHD and he is just hard to deal with. I kind of wonder if his status makes him an outcast of sorts.  He's very well known.  He has 7 World titles and 3 National titles and his instructor has said he has never had a student like him.  My son is a well behaved and is very shy unless he has to perform and then he isn't shy at all.  I wanted to talk with his teacher, but my husband advised against it.  I know his teacher likes him a lot, she shows him off being that he is a karate person.I know the Sister doesn't yell at just him, I've gone to pick him up after school and she's  talking loud all the time, not yelling but I went to a private school and I can remember how the Sisters and Priests were.  I just prefer to send him to a private school.  I am not happy with our public school system and this school has some great teachers.  My son could read by the time he finished pre-k 4.  I don't want him to slack off in karate because colleges give scholarships in martial arts.  He's too good for him to slack off.  I sound show offy, but even the school principal, the teachers at the school say the same things not only in karate but academics as well.  

Avatar universal
by andie40, Nov 02, 2007
Wow!  His accomplishments are impressive especially for a six year old.  If he is very well behaved and very shy, he may just not be thriving in his current environment especially if it is strict and rigid.  Some kids need this and some kids don't. I try to balance boundaries and structure with humor.  This way my students know that I may not be happy when they make bad choices, but I still care about them.  I realize you want him to do well, but also keep in mind he is six.  College is twelve years away.  It is never too soon to plan, but you also want him to be well-rounded.  I would find a good friend for him at school and invite that child over as much as possible.  Children are the happiest when they do well in academics and socially.  Happy children produce happy, successful adults.  You also sounded like you were under a lot of stress right now.  I know the Catholic church near us has an agreement with certain councelors so sessions are as cheap as$25.00.  The church helps foot the rest of the bill.  You might feel better if you talked to someone.  I would also make sure your son really feels that he doesn't have to be super successful all the time.  Sometimes it should be okay to just be six!  Hope things get better!

Avatar universal
by miranda1111, Jun 17, 2008
by miranda June 17,2008

Hi, I have an 11 year old boy who doesn't want to go to school. He's got straight A's since he was in first grade, now he is in fifth grade. Last year for the first time he got a C and I complained with the pricipal about the teacher, the school owner and principal went into his class and yelled at him and at all the kids who had got low grades.and also to the teacher.  Now in fifth grade he got another C and he began to cry, he said his heart hurt, he was soffocating and scared everyone out. He is very perfectionist, he wants to have perfect hw. and excellent grades. Last month he didn't go to school for a week, he was feeling sad, then the principal talked to him and told him he had to go back because otherwise he would be thrown out of scool, so he did but last week it happened again but this time he feels afraid. After asking him many times he finally said he was afraid of the principal so I talked to her and she agreed to treat him in a different way. I work in the same school and he is afraid thet I would lose my job if he gets in trouble. School will be over in one week and a half and I want him back before it is over or probably he won't want to go next school term either. Please help me.

Avatar universal
by Oldhighstressmom, Sep 01, 2009
I have a 10 year old who is having a hard time adjusting to a new middle school.  Since he was born, he has been in the same elementary school environment with or with in close proximity to his 14 and 12 year old siblings.  We recently moved across town which put him in a different zone than his siblings finished in.  This has caused him great pain, as all of his friends are at the other school.  He was involved in community sports for several years now and I just "knew" we would know some kids in his class.  No such luck.  Not one name is familiar to us.  He started out strong and introduced himself to 3 different boys in 2 days who all turned out to be trouble makers and he does not want to be associated with them.  He has shut down and cries himself to sleep everynight (3 weeks now) and cries as soon as we get in front of the building.  He has only attended 4 full days since school started because he has made himself sick over the lonliness he is feeling.  I have been in the room trying to find someone for him to be friends with, I have met with his teachers and the school councelors, I have talked to other parents.  We all agree that it is an adjustment period, but at what point do I not let him suffer any longer?  I am trying to tell him that it will get better, but now he thinks I am lying to him.  Everyone is trying to help him get through the day, but he is misserable and I am afraid that with all of this might be a depression starting.  He is making 100's on all his work and says that he likes the teachers, it is just the "social" time that he is so upset about.  This is a kid who was king of the campus for 5 years and is now so introverted that I am not sure how to pull him out.  I am very outgoing and so are his siblings, so it is hard for me to get my head around this problem.  I just need something to try, to help him.  He is already in his room crying about going back tomorrow.  ANY SUGGESTIONS????

Avatar universal
by eve135, Feb 05, 2010
I have an 11 year old son who  has been making excuses of not wanting to go to school  he cries and he makes himself vomit in order for him not to go .  i dont know what to do anymore now doctor say he liver is inflamated from all the vomiting .  i moved him to another school and same thing he says he is scare of  all the kids and now i  put him in a private  school and he still the same he does say much i think they might of done something to him and he cant overcome it and i dont know how to help  he was a ray of sunshine my teddy bear now he is just sad and  quiet  help me .  

Avatar universal
by Goldenyesboy, Dec 03, 2010
I have a 12 year old son who, for the past month, refuses to go to school. I checked with his teachers and they said he is popular with his classmates and he is a good student who gets along with everyone and completes assignments. I am his father who lives far away from him. He lives with his 10 year old sister and his mother. She works full time and when he is not in school he is home alone. A few days ago he put holes in the wall because he was bored. Something is wrong but we can't seem to figure it out. He isn't bullied in school, in fact he seems to enjoy himself when he is there. His mother seems to think there are anxiety issues here. I read other articles posted here and I'm wondering if he's decided to stop going to school because he can get away with it. It always more difficult with a single parent to deal with such issues. I am going to take some leave from my job to fly to British Columbia to try to deal with this issue. Any suggestions?  Tough love is what I heard, Ask him what he wants to become in life? His goals and aspirations? He has to realize that in order to survive in this world he needs a good education and just staying away from school will not be tolerated and is not the norm for 12 year olds in our society.

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