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Feb 05, 2009 - 28 comments

took the brave step and commenced another ad yesterday so have to see how that goes as been feeling changable for months, but kept on being indecisive and unsurev whether i was imagining things or that i indeed was not myself and struggling, frantically paddling away under the surface! Began dosuliphin 25 daily and will combine with the prozac (60mg) and gradually increase and decrease as directed and agreed. Bit worried about the side effects -weight gain, excessive yawning as well as weaning myself off the prozac as had bad experience with ssri in the past, but only really 3rd Ad used since 1992, as previously built up dosage on seroxat and prozac. Here's being hopeful

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Avatar universal
by spikerusty, Feb 07, 2009
4 days into the transistion and think i'm beginning to feel an improvement. more energy, social and less struggling with many different tasks. periodically tired and overly drowsy leading to long cat naps but hopefully only temporary.  begin to think i'm feeling my feelings returning as been largely untouchable for a while, leading to social difficulties. Significantly less irritable and in a bad mood, as feel in someways the weight easing off me and being aware of my surroundings more and colours around me. i hope i'm not wrong or stupidly mistaken

Avatar universal
by spikerusty, Feb 23, 2009
I've been having more good days feeling more talkative and lessdulled down as been taking dothepin for 19 days at 25 mg daily on top of 60mg prozac. Feeling somewhat guilty and ashamed at the amount of meds i'm on and twice during this time i've tried beginning to begin weanning myself off the prozac, but just even with reducing your dosage on 2 consecutive days i've feeling anxious, panicky and that those terrible feelings are at the door. Was atempting to do this prior to meeting up with GP but now will wait as each time that i've felt ready to commence this with feeling my mood improving, it slips back.

Avatar universal
by spikerusty, Feb 25, 2009
Not going to reduce the meds on my own bat but have to watch what i drink as up until Friday last week felt increasingly good about myself and succumbed to having "more than a few" for me. Standard practice for me as its a fine line sometimes with this old chestnut, of course regretted it ever since as think i have to set myself a limit and not pass, that and to be careful with whisky.
Feeling that improving slowly again and not so socially inept, anxious, feeling that my thoughts are beginning to flow and not so lost for conversation, low in mood and putting this deteroitation down to having too much of the jungle juice and washing out the medication in my system. Pushed myself out for a run tonight when wanted to take the easy option of the sofa and feeling more co-ordinated with things i.e keyboards and less clumsy. what trials this life brings us ???

Avatar universal
by spikerusty, Mar 06, 2009
2 steps forward and 1 step back basically sums up hows things have been going lately as felt good last weekend and despite nerves went out, watched the rugby, socialised and went to a party were ended up drining excess amounts. kew bad sunday and slow recovery of mental abilities throughout the week, as particular uncomfortable last Monday when felt particularly flat and experiencing difficulties. Need to be more careful with alcohol as pattern appearing after excessive consumption, as hold stressful job were sometimes its good for the release. Told parents about medication changes and reasoning behind not drinking too much, or sometimes anything in their company owing to my own personally held reasons and now perhaps more aware. feeling increasingly better as the week went on and more able with evertything

Avatar universal
by spikerusty, Mar 23, 2009
returning from a weel earned break where had an enjoyable time. still learning about myself with the medication as limiting my alcohol intake resulting with myself being more brighter, not emotionally flat, being more socially confident around others and troubled by fleeting anxiety periods and generally being the person i know i am.  Returning to work tomorrow to face its
continuing challenges and arrange to meet up with the gp to reeview meds situation

Avatar universal
by spikerusty, Apr 08, 2009
moving steadily forward i think / feel as been more happier with my lot with life and feelimng more at ease with it. No brain fog, social anxiety or feelings of overwhelming depression as so glad to feel like i'm returning to myself again after period of uncertainty and insecurity. able to function at work well and actually gettimg enjoyment with what i do again. contining with current drug regime, attemoting to resume jogging again after period of discovery of tesco's cookie counter!

Avatar universal
by spikerusty, Apr 13, 2009
went out te other evening as felt good and had bit of work'doo where actually attended and felt good about it ; usually i procrastinate and get comfy on the sofa with the remote control. Had enjoyable time despiste having to mix with some folk, i'm not particurally fond of. still had fun with people i got on well with and let the hair down. Suffered for it for couple of days but coming round again now

Avatar universal
by spikerusty, Apr 13, 2009
Had pleasant day out and about and oding things, so glad that no longer feel uncomfortably anxious in social settings or in public as i did months ago. Hit the jogging trail for the first time in months and hoping to get myself back into it, but the first step was hopefully the hardest. Have to get the balance right with occasional "blow outs" as feel deflated afterwards. Looking forward to the summer, getting more pots and being with people again.

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by spikerusty, Apr 18, 2009
feeling really positive and glad to be no longer emotionally numb, which has resulted with my sense of fun returning and high energy levels. Continuing on the augmented treatment regime which appears to be working alongside eatting good and taking some exercise, although was bit achy for a couple of days after my first run in an age. It's really good to no longer feel the oppressive anxiety and to have my confidence back with talking to people, both informally and what i'm really noticing with work. looking forward gladily

Avatar universal
by spikerusty, Apr 26, 2009
generally been feeling pretty ok, although mental note to self to not take meds in the morning as pretty drowsy yesterday afternoon spoilig my mood somewhat. Feeling competent at work and enjoying being more sociable than i have been for a while. Feeling glad to have my emotions returning and considering things that i would like in my life that i've not considered for some time, possibly having come to terms with some stuff. Glad to be myself again

Avatar universal
by spikerusty, May 07, 2009
glad to continue feeling better and considering reducing the ssri dosage again very gradually. continueing to feel alot better that the bad old days were all areas of my life were affected and i was doubted my own senses and experiences. Enjoying the springtime reawakening of evertything around and out in it alot more, striggling to get fit but persevering. God likes a tryer they say!!

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by spikerusty, Jun 17, 2009
continue to remain steady although been learning about myself alot since my last post. Being very careful with alcohol now as it appears that some may be worse than others. Also need to have limits etc, all of this difficult considering we do most of our socialising and making friendships around the stuff! It presents problems, anxiety and residual guilt on the matter when in the compay of family & friends. Few other slight concerns experiencing some bad days and noticing my weight gain, very occasional dizzy spells something similar to the withdrawal effects from ssri's i feel sensitive to remember. Had sore eyes or non-awake eyes for a few days which cannot understand or explain as appears to be related to my mood etc, however trying to live in the moment enjoying being around others and not taking on too much at work (common problem!). Had some really fantastic moments where spending timne with "new additions to wider family" which really have been rewarded and feeling that i'm smiling again, without reason to. I like that joyful side of me rather than the irritable bemoaner that comes every so often. With respect to the eyes and my mood it appears to get better when i exercise hard regularly, strange or perhaps just me

Avatar universal
by spikerusty, Jan 25, 2010
3 weeks into changing meds following a gradual reduction of my ssri meds and hopefully building up to a therauptic dose that works for me. Continuing to experience "electric zaps, eyelid twitching and mental blanks" regularly as a result of the withdrawal effects, but feel that they are not as severe as Seroxat / Paroxetine. Anxious and feeling frustrated with entire process as hitting Feburary and over 2 1/2 months into this decision and feel frustrated with having to continue to wait till i feel better. Continue to struggle on having some good days & bad days and putting on my "masks" to get by and hope and plan things that ensure that they don't slipdepending upon the situation. Anxious about the weight gain but hopeful that once feeling more outwardly and confident, to get out, meet others again, be more like myself and lose it again. Feeling glimmers of improvement in some areas and significant difficulties evident in others as memory and thought processes painfully poor as well as limiting my social contact with others, both in and outside work.




Avatar universal
by spikerusty, Mar 02, 2010
Sopped Prozac and now soley on mirtzapine which i've built up yo 45mg over thye course of 8 1/2 weeks. I've put on a stone in weight during this time but i think that this side effect is subsiding now thankfully, as really noticed this when i struggled climbing 5 flights of stairs yesterday. Sleeping soundly well but continue to experience a range of strange sensations including sore fingers, finding that i've little energy and i'm continuing to to experience mild electric shock sensations and strange "whooshs"  experiences in my head. This i find particularly troubling as they make me feel light headed and quite disorientated regularly as i go out about my daily life. Hope that all this goes away permanently as limiting my ability to do things as they seem to occur more often when i've moving around. Been off prozac comletely for 2 weeks and belieive that still going through the withdrawals of the drug

Avatar universal
by spikerusty, Mar 22, 2010
Continuing to feel better as feeling more in touch with my emotions and thankfully finding myself not spending time in dark places. Sleeping soundly now and not excessly which is good. Feeling that my energy levels are improving and making more of a point to look after my own mental health with work. Still experiencing pain with my fingers although not to the same intensity i believe. Appear to be continuing to experience the "shocks- zaps" infequently now and more so in the evening or when i'm quite tired.  The same is true for the "whooshs". Feel overall more coordinated with things and not having as much overall fogginess with my thinking as my mind and what comes at from my voice appears to be more inter-related that previously. My confidence appears to be improving as i'm not as frightened as i used to be.

Avatar universal
by spikerusty, May 04, 2010
Experiencing no zaps or electric shock like sensations although when tired experience very mild like sensations.  Feel periodically weepy and low but feel that this is due to othere personal factors presently as been over-doing it at work being unable to make time for myself and with being sociable. Needing to priotize this with ebnsuringbthat i remain my normal self.

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by spikerusty, Jun 13, 2010
Over recent weeks been just about holding it together as feel that the mirtazapine not particularly working for me. my warning signs are all present as socially avoidant, irritable, mentally sluggish & foggy, indecisive and vague, having difficulties around others, feeling depressed, sad and having no sense of humour. Been on the new medication for over 6 months with the last month being particularly bad. feeling frustrated with what's happening to me. Seeing Dr Tuesday to explore options

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by spikerusty, Jul 04, 2010
Commenced venlafaxine alongside mirtzapine 45mg and now approaching 3 weeks on it. still feeling crap feeling frightned, anxious, having no or little social confidence and irritable as hell. want something to begin working as getting annoyed how disabling this is becoming for myself affecting all areas of my life. Little conversation comingh out of my mouth which is excruxciatingly painful for myself at work. Just up to 75mg from last week as have to go higher that this to get any improvement but scared what this may mean with regards to higher doses phyiscally.

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by spikerusty, Jul 28, 2010
Trying to think that i'm imagining some improvement with my overall mood and social functioning as remain on the mirtazapine 45mg (which has been doing nothing for me) and have been on venlafaxine for over 6 weeks with being on 225mg for approaching 3 weeks. Feeling considerably less anxious as had been particularly bad and had been thinking some quite dark thoughts which is something new for me. Thankfully that appears to have past and less irritable, morer accepting of others and appear to be beginning to think more clearly with stuff coming out from my mouth again without significant effort. Thinking that as a result i'm a nicer person for it too. Hoping that i'm not mistaken but it appears that i may take a little bit longer for me to respond to the medication. Some periodic side effect problems ie sweats, metalic taste etc but willing to accept anything to get myself out from where i've been. During frustrated weeks had been thinking about potential augmentation strategies with lithium being the preference, instead of anti-psychotics or further implementation of another SSRI with coming off the mirtazapine. here's hoping that i continue to get back to feeling my normal self.

Avatar universal
by spikerusty, Aug 03, 2010
Been feeling that i was beginning to make some progress as was finding things better at work with my ability to do my job and havinmg better coordination with using the keyboard rather than the 2 finger foxtrott! Think that venlaxine really sensitive to alcohol as only had 3-4 cans on Friday and felt that there had been a noticable dip in my mood a day later. It's also been quite cloudy lately so that may be a factor, as well as having non-verbal diffciculties with my new neighbours who are quite noisey and obnoxious. despite this feeling feeling slightly better (less anxious) and more confident as notice that my mood improves steadily throughout the week. May have to make a difficult choice about alcohol in my life.

Avatar universal
by spikerusty, Sep 27, 2010
continuing to persevere with the venlafaxine up to 300mg now with mirtzapine 45mg where i continue to have some awful moments and bad days intersperced with relative better days were i'm feeling somewhat back to being myself. Some difficult times with family where i feel emotionally / socially uncomfortable due to having restricted social skills due to feeling depressed and have sometimes painfully slow thinking processes as ususually try to remove myself from such situations or deflect these issue on to others / other activities. Trying to get back into running as feel better for it physically and mentally and continue to severely restrict my drinking as even 1 or 2 appear to knock me back a few days up to a week. Not so happy about this as quite like a drink and it provides opportunities for me to mix and meet others in terms of relieving my sense of loneliness i periodically feel due to my depression.

Avatar universal
by spikerusty, Dec 03, 2010
now into December and after struggling on with the medication regime i met up with my GP to approach alternative options as just not happy with "califionian rocket fuel" and seeking alternatives to do this in the form of SSRI's which have previously worked well with me, until pooping out leading to myself beginning to struggle. Commenced escitalopram as asked for this, a first, and given it without any questions although i had asked about lithium prior to this. early days but hopeful as seeming to not be so agitated inside and appear to be seeing things around me more positively and possibly seeing myself being able to communicate with less difficulty, although there are times when under stress.

Avatar universal
by spikerusty, Dec 09, 2010
Been on the new meds 11 days and beginning to see results thank christ as more socially confident, less anxious and significantly less irritability. mood is brighting and feel less depressed and have more quicker thought processes and less tearfulness / sore/ sullen eyes. It's been a struggle with undergoing these changes which i think is real and i'm beginning to think more positively about things and looking forward to Christmas.

Avatar universal
by spikerusty, Jan 02, 2011
4 weeks on the escitalopram now with it being increased to 20mg approximately 2 weeks ago as still having some bad days with feeling quite sad, depressed and low with being anti-social and difficult to be around as can be very quiet and have difficulties making conversation with people. Mentally i can be quite sluggish in though with no "zip or zest" and feel quite flat with being rather quite dull and down beat in personality which can be quite frustrating owing to how long this episode has been going on for. I'm watching what i drink big time as only had a few beers over the christmas season which went by in the blink of an eye with not much commitments upon my time. Still can be quite avoiding contact with people through all kinds of avoidance strategies but giving this a go along with max doses of so called "californian rocket fuel", Omega capsules and 5HTP. Going to try to get back into my running and gym as this had the added qualities of lifting my mood for the new year

Avatar universal
by spikerusty, Apr 09, 2011
Been a while since i've written to myself as after giving the current medication regime a good go i'm now going to make some changes in order for me to overall feel better about things as i continue to feel that i'm getting by possibly up to 75%, but i'm still not fully myself and cope by being excessively busy at work, as well as avoiding contact with others who may / or would pick up that i'm not quite right. I don't seem to have much if any sense of enjoyment about things and quite low and depressed generally as i feel flat and although having some fleeting alright days, i have to really watch what i do with alcohol and with my sleep which makes 'jack' a rather dull boy. This is how i've really been for a few years as my Zip /Zest has gone as i experience sluggish thinking proceesses which makes me feel not too good about myself and have little of anything to talk about. This transfers into having diffculties with all aspects of my personal relationships and withdrawing from others as my inability to speak to my ex led my illness effecting something that i treasured very deeply. Added Lithium oxnnate now and think that there maybe something of benefit with that. Still having significant trouble with my eyes as they feel heavy, dry and quite sullen really as my onion test totally ineffective right up to the eye ball. Going to try XL version of Effexor before try anything else as just want i feel my likeable self to come back, rather than this shell of me.

Avatar universal
by spikerusty, May 03, 2011
Have remained on my continuing medication regime of 375mg venlafaxine and Lepraxo 20mg as has'nt been altered as yet owing to having an approx 2 months of meds to last me until i commence the XL version of Venlafaxine to see if there's anything more to be gained from it. Have altered when i indeed take it owing reading up about this half life marlarky as apparently Effexor goes through the body in 4 1/2 hours which could lead to there not being a consistent & stable dose in my body 24 hrs a day. Owing to this i'm taking it twice a day now, 3 tablets in the morning and 2 tablets around 6pm. Continuing with the Lithium oronate and 5HTP as think the Lithium helps to some degree maybe but maybe all in my mind as well with the placebo effect.

Generally feeling quite good as resumed my overall fitness regime with a vengence, running, going to the gym as well as playing badminton when i can get there, as well as not taking so much on at work as well as with work home with me. Because of all these things doing somewhat better i think and feel myself lighter in mood and attempting to have more fun, meaning and general social contact with others again which for me after so long feels lovely and refreshing. Really being careful about the "drink" as if i had a problem anyhow, as have a beer or tow or glass but not many and feel really the overall better for it with my mood and how my personality is. Feeling more likeable and remarkable so can see others enjoy my company, as well as professionally being made to feel that my opinion matters, is important and that also can make a valuable difference still in the line of work which i quite enjoy, despite being somewhat close to home for me on some matters. Looking forward to the beach for a week's R & R as been long stretch since Christmas i feel.

Avatar universal
by spikerusty, Sep 04, 2011
Been a while since a updated stuff here as generally have been fairly well thinking of it. Have altered meds slightly to extended release versions of Venlafaxine as thinking that they do indeed suit my lifestyle better owing to just taking the tablets once daily as it was a hassle attempting to remember all the time. Some possible side effects possibly as have experienced some odd stomach pains and very strong smelling urine on occasion as needing to drink a lot of water with them i think. Sweating remains sometimes a problem especially at the office as must be just more hotter than everyone else as don't feel the cold as much. Usual rules apply with respect to drinking as have to be very careful on this matter as it washes out the therapeutic goodness i feel with the tablets which obviously i feel is rather working. Less mental fogginess, more expressive, talkative and just generally confident although i can be a little too serious sometimes which so is'nt me.Continuing with the rest of my tablet regime but needing to prioritize my time opportunities with exercise being my drug of choice, actively meeting up with folk and just having time possible for some fun instead of doing work all the time. Time for some harder changes perhaps

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by spikerusty, Feb 19, 2012
Been an age and thought that i'd post something owing to not having felt myself being too brilliant of late after what i felt has been fairly ok over the autumn & winter so far. Work stresses getting me down due to trouble there and not sure how much this is impacting upon my mood state although not sure how independent how i'm feeling is due to my illness. Warning signs are there as irritable, heavy eyes where there is indeed some variance upon this in their degree of heaviness. Having aggressive bouts predominantly road rage but also once in public after pent up frustration at some people taking liberties i felt for so long and just exploded. Not happy at this with myself feeling terrible initially which has subdued somewhat now, feeling guilty but still annoyed as antagonism still there from individuals. Little variance with emotions, some sleeping problems but has improved over recent days (week) as was waking up same time, every night for a week or 10 days. Trying to get back running which helps which is hard and can feel joggers rage also with traffic & others enjoying their time etc. Not drinking at all, eatting good generally although need to do more fruit & worried about med's not fully working. Running out of options i think for A/d's & worried / scared. feeling quite isolated & troubled & hopeless upon things just wanting me to feel somewhat better about myself & be a lot more freer with how i am. feel that work thing has knocked my confidence as creating significant doubts about employer due to their treatment of myself as just wanting to get through this before thinking of med's options possibly. to up exercise and try to reach out to folk as hoping that heavy head feeling goes and feel true emotion again as quite recoiled in sadness & depressed state at moment.

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