All Journal Entries Journals
Previous | Next

Screw genetics; I'm looking at my family

Nov 21, 2012 - 0 comments







Weight Loss

Skinny jeans I own. Skinny genes? I don't.

All of the adults with the except of two nieces (one of which is my step-sister's daughter so genetics isn't a factor) and myself in my family of origin and extended family are either obese or morbidly obese. Most of them are morbidly obese and it's all pretty much lifestyle related, which is sick in itself. I say 'mostly' because my mom legitimately does have hormone issues that make it difficult for her to lose weight, but that doesn't counterbalance (at all) the fact that she takes in excessive amounts of calories each day.

I'm getting sensitive about the issue because tomorrow is Thanksgiving and next month Christmas Eve and Christmas and all three days are "eat as much as you can shove into your face hole" days for my mom's family. I won't be there but I've seen it often enough I don't need to be there to know what's going to happen.

Without my husband and I there in the kitchen, that means my step-sister Jenny is going to be cooking. And I use the word "cooking" loosely. It once took her 4 hours to peel a bag of potatoes; sitting, in front of the television. God himself only knows what kind of food hygiene offense she's going to commit against the turkey. This means that snacks will be out. My mom will then melt chocolate chips with heavy cream and a dose of peanut butter and put it out as "fondue" with bits of angel food cake and marshmallows for dipping. She'll also put out party platters of cheese, dips, celery, canned olives and crackers. Dinner should start at 4 pm, but won't be ready to serve until 7 pm or later. Jenny will make gravy from a packet, or a jar, and it will have an inexplicable burnt flavor. The stuffing will be from a box. The cranberry sauce from a can and cut into slices on the plate. There will be green bean casserole (which is just green beans from the can mixed with a generous amount of mayonnaise and topped with bacon bits) and my other step-sister will bring a jello salad thing. There will be multiple grocery store bakery pies for dessert. Salad fixings will be out and completely ignored, unless deemed a suitable ranch dressing delivery device. My step-father will carve the poor defiled bird (as if it hasn't already been though enough) and everyone will serve themselves buffet style. My step-brother-in-law and his son will eat the two whole turkey legs, and then one or both will fall asleep in the living room.

You know, for a bunch of fat people that constantly complain about obesity related illness they suffer they really don't have any sense of irony, or math, or common sense.

Don't get me wrong, I would never make fun of someone for being fat. Fat really isn't funny, but bad decision making skills and faulty logic are fair game. Besides, if I don't find something to laugh about when it comes to my family, I'll cry.

Here's how it goes down at my house. I have a 14 pound turkey, ready to go, already thawed (safely) in the refrigerator. It'll go into the oven around 11:30 (breast side down) for 4 hours at 350 f, at which time (give or take depending on the doneness) I'll flip it over for the last 15-30 minutes of cooking so the breast skin will be all pretty and golden brown and let it rest. I'll do cutting and prep for the whole spread before 2 pm, and start cooking the sides (cornbread, biscuits, stuffing, green beans, squash, carrots, potatoes, candied yams and cranberry relish) after 2 pm, whenever the turkey is done I'll use the giblets and drippings for gravy (because God is good and gave man the genius to invent stick blenders.) I'm making a pumpkin pudding (essentially a pumpkin pie filling without the crust) for myself and whoever wants any for dessert, as well as buying a few pies for the family tonight.

I know what I need to limit and abstain from in order not to blow my weight loss progress. I also have a huge stash of fresh veggies, fruit and salad that is going directly onto the table at lunch time for appetizers. I'm going to rock out this first of three face hole filling days in total and abject moderation and I'm going to have fun doing it.

Then I'm going to wash the dishes, put away the leftovers and play scrabble with my husband and kids.

Post a Comment