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I hope your proud of me :-)

Mar 08, 2008 - 4 comments
Tags:

rape

,

police

,

scared

,

eating disorder

,

OCD

,

Anxiety

,

Panic



hi there
i have just got out of bed
pathetic really because its lunch time.

last night was good
YOU WILL BE PROUD OF ME!! (well i hope!)
one of my girlfriends took me to the police station to report the rape
even though its been just over a month
they said it wasnt too late
we were there for ages
i havent made the statement though...wasnt feeling strong enough
and it was late by then too- after midnight.
Have i done the right thing??
i nearly flipped when she mentioned 'going to court'
id die if i had to see that guys face again.
IM SOOOOO SCARED!!

so then we went home

but then one of ny 'guy' friends turned weird..
(he was asleep at my house- didnt know about the rape and was asleep when we left)
he had no idea where we went.
i wasnt telling him about what happened.
Then he woke up
and
got all pocessive
and reminded me of 'that night' when 'it' happened.
so i flipped out
locked myself in my room
and said i wasnt coming out til he left.
(Anxiety at its worst)

he didnt leave for 9 hours
i was so scared... he was banging on the door and stuff
drunk i think
i dont know but i was soooo scared.

anyways. i am going to have an apple and  a weetbix.
do some study
and go for a run.
Dont wan to think about food at the moment though
stomach is churning.....

scared and awaiting for the police to call me
....its not too late to back out...
..but ive come this far...
arrrggg fighting with yourself gets you no where heyy.

ok now im ranting
..sorry.

Love to all who are staying in touch and commenting my journals,

Pleasehelpme88

Comments
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360328 tn?1204332428
by Seraphimred, Mar 08, 2008
I don't know if it matters, but as a fellow survivor.. I'm so damn proud of you!  It doesn't happen right away, trust me dear, but it does get better.  One day at a time!

437036 tn?1225284804
by pleasehelpme88, Mar 08, 2008
of course it matters :-) your comment just made my day!
thank you love.


424549 tn?1308515502
by ParamedFlorena, Mar 09, 2008
You're doing something with that rapist! It is very much too late to change the rape that happened to you, but it is not too late to stop it from happening to someone else. Hang in there girl. It takes so much more than we think we've got to report a rape. I never managed that.. I admire you for breaking through.
I hope you're proud of you too.

Florena

420368 tn?1209071706
by wcpainter, Mar 09, 2008
I'm so sorry for your pain...and what you have been through.

I am very proud of you and am honored
to know someone who's strong and who values her life enough to face the unimaginable.
I encourage you to carry thru what you have begun, to be strong and speak out for the "silent ones"

I've always kinda thought of my body as a shell for my spirit and soul and the internal spark of life.
that maybe it's only a protective cover of the real me...
maybe think that
a certain so-called "man" only scarred my physical body, maybe in a small way molded my inner shape,
in  making that unique blend of specialness that I am ( or hope to be.)

This "person" cannot be allowed to harm your inner spirit and soul.
Be proud of who you are, honey. Don't lower youself down to his level.
good luck
.
wcpainter

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