All Journal Entries Journals
Previous | Next

A fork in the road

Nov 26, 2012 - 55 comments

What would make a happily married man decide to stray?  In my case, I had issues with watching porn.  My fantasies would be lived out by watching other hetero couples enjoy each others bodies.  For a long time it was enough for me.  After a stressful day, I'd unwind with 20 minutes or less of porn, at least 2-3 times a week.  When I got married, I still checked out the sites, but not as frequently.  I did so because there was a familiarity about it and I knew how to take care of myself.  When my wife was pregnant, I would not go near her.  We had a tough time making a baby and I felt like a pig wanting to satisfy my lusts with my wonderful wife.  

My decision to stray was kind of by accident.  My job requires me to drive a lot and my back hurt.  In my late 20's I had seen a chiropractor, but he was useless, so I went to a chinese medicinal massage business located in the local mall.  This was a legitimate business and no hanky-panky was permitted, nor was I looking for that.  

The massage I got worked wonders.  Thus, I was convinced of the benefits of oriental medicine and massage.  So much so I would tell family and co-workers to go there, and they did with good results.

Fast forward to this past summer.  I was underemployed.  My job was calling me in once or twice a week.  The company had made lofty promises about bringing everyone back full time and there would be plenty of work.  It was not to be.  

I was stressed and angry.  My wife was pregnant and wasn't always pleasant, which I understood completely,  Admittedly, I was unsure of my future.  I felt sad and guilty for putting a baby in this world.  I was thinking how I couldn't give my child all the good things in life.  I was depressed, very depressed.  Thoughts about how I would check out of this world would cross my mind.  It seemed the only thing I could control would be the end of me.  

Porn was my escape.  I went to it more.  I saw people in the throes of passion and I was jealous.  I would think life is too short not to have such fun.  At this point, the devil sunk his claws in me.  He was convincing me of the lies.  

I had always worked with older men in my field.  I heard about these married men either wishing they could have another woman or actually doing so.  I never thought it was a good idea, but as I got more depressed, it made more sense.  

I did need a back massage for my pain.  I had heard about massage parlors with happy endings.  That stuck in my mind.  So, I searched the web and found many, many sites on where to go, and not far from me.  I was shocked how many and how close they were.  I was shocked to see dedicated sties that gave five star ratings, depending on the service provided.

I was scared, but I decided to go to one.  And I liked it.  I went five times to three different places.

The last time, I got oral sex.  I was crying after it happened.  I was really scared what I had done.  Hand on penis was one thing, this was entirely different.  For what its worth, I didn't ask for it.  It just happened and I let it happen.  I didn't ***.  I was too scared.  I left in tears.

I saw a cluster of tiny white pimples on my penis head and a small bump on my penis shaft.  I drove to the ER and had them give me STD treatment.  Pills and a shot.  I had never done this before. The white pimples were gone and a shiny spot was on my penis head in its place.  The bump on the shaft was gone.  A month later, i had a horrible pain in my groin.  I went to a urologist and told him everything about my experience.

He said I had a fungus and prostiatis.  I was giving Cipro, 500 mg daily for 10 days and a topical anti-fungicide.  He took all the tests for std's and hiv.  I went to the free clinic and took another round of std medication, the pills and shot.  A quick blood hiv test showed negative.  Two weeks later, the urologist said I had no std's and no hiv.  

Its almost three months now.  Despite the urologist telling me I don't need to, I am going to get my tests again.  I am living with guilt and fear.  I come to sites like Medhelp for guidance and honest answers.  I have called std and hiv hotlines numerous times, I've read every site for more information.  

I don't have many bodily issues.  Sometimes there is a tingling in my groin area.  I did have shooting pains down my legs, but now those pains are in my feet and hands, but not severe, mostly annoying.  Occasionally, my stomach gurgles and I burp for no reason.  There has been times it hurt to breathe and the skin color of my penis shaft is more red than normal, though not painful.  

I have anxiety and depression and I am seeing a counselor, which does help.  I think a lot about what I did.  I think how I had lived a clean life for years and how I changed it all in one moment.  I feel dirty and ashamed.  

I have not looked at porn.  I don't look at women at all.  I don't notice them.  I look at everyone as potentially sick.  I have a fear of people's germs and of their private lives.  Television shows with sexual content make me angry.  Before, I thought such shows were just dumb, now they are dangerous.   Extreme thinking that, I feel, makes me safer.

What I want is to reset the clock.  To be who I was, and I can't.

Anyway, that's my story.  

Comments
Post a Comment
Avatar universal
by Teak, Nov 26, 2012
You never had an exposure and you can go on and on and it isn't going to change a thing.

Avatar universal
by RainLover71, Nov 26, 2012
You can't change the past but you can make the future better--you have been given a second chance--don't make the same mistakes again--remember that family is everything.

Avatar universal
by huplinorg, Nov 26, 2012
Gents, thanks.  I was getting it off my chest.  

Avatar universal
by joggen, Nov 26, 2012
You did NOTHING wrong. It's perfectly natural for married men to seek sexual outlets outside of marriage. I see it here all the time. EVERY married man has a secret life. Christian monogamy is just a fairy tale that is impossible to live by. The problem with men who stray is not their behavior, it is the ridiculous notion that married men are only allowed to satisfy themselves sexually through their wives in the missionary position on the first Saturday of every month. This and other ridiculous notions are brought to you by RELIGION. You have to free yourself from these ridiculous concepts and think of things in an EVOLUTIONARY context. By using porn and prostitutes, you are only doing what you have been genetically programmed to do, just like any other married man. So I leave you with this: don't beat yourself for BEING A MAN, and doing what MEN HAVE BEEN PROGRAMMED TO DO.

Avatar universal
by huplinorg, Nov 26, 2012
Joggen,

I agree with your assessment of man.  We are programmed to do these things.  

That being said, I am happy that I am upset with myself about what I did.  I don't think I'd be content otherwise.  Hope that makes sense.

480448 tn?1426952138
by nursegirl6572, Nov 26, 2012
Christian monogamy is just a fairy tale that is impossible to live by.
Absolutely NOT true, plenty of people have no problem honoring their vows.

You did NOTHING wrong.
Actually, if one takes a vow to be faithful, and they don't mean it, then why get married?  Everyone has a choice.  A person doesn't have to choose marriage and vows, but if they do, they should abide by those vows.  The break down of our moral compass has made these kinds of things "acceptable".

By using porn and prostitutes, you are only doing what you have been genetically programmed to do, just like any other married man. So I leave you with this: don't beat yourself for BEING A MAN, and doing what MEN HAVE BEEN PROGRAMMED TO DO.
Sorry, but that's a BUNCH of bs, and actually barabaric!  You can't speak for all married men, or men in general.  Not all men think with their private parts, and not all men have an issue staying faithful.

Infidelity is common, yes.  It's not something I think anyone should be proud of or encouraging.  It's not something to take the bridge over, but guilt is a good emotion in that it helps us learn from our mistakes.  Don't give this guy a pass.  It's not the end of the world, but it's not right.

It's very simple, if a person stands before their loved ones, God, and whoever else, looks into the eyes of their spouse and vows to forsake all others, they should do so, or they should stay single, where they don't have to be monogamous. If they're married, and decide monogamy is no longer for them, then get a divorce.



Avatar universal
by huplinorg, Nov 26, 2012
To nursegirl,

Amen.

Avatar universal
by joggen, Nov 26, 2012
I think every man who has strayed intended to honor their marriage vows. The issue is that we have much less control of that aspect of our lives that we give ourselves credit for. The evidence is around us every day- General Petreaus, Eliot Spitzer, the Christian Pastor caught with a male prostitute...I also see it every day on the forums. The issue is that evolution gave us a Modular Mind, and there are limits to how much control we have. As this journal shows, if the conditions are right all men (or women for that matter) will stray, regardless of how much they intend to be faithful. I don't think it's barbaric to have a realistic understanding on what drives our behavior. I just see too much mental illness caused by consensual acts of sex that could be prevented if people approached the subject more realistically.

Here is a good evolutionary psychology book on the subject.

http://www.amazon.com/Why-Everyone-Else-Hypocrite-Evolution/dp/0691154392/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1353975639&sr=1-1&keywords=why+everyone+else+is+a+hypocrite

Avatar universal
by TTinKKerBBell, Nov 26, 2012
To Joggen

You say "by using porn and prostitutes, you are only doing what you have been genetically programmed to do"

When We (WOMEN TOO!!) were genetically programmed there WAS NO PORN!!  there WERE NO PROSTITUTES!!  We (WOMEN TOO!!) were genetically programmed to go forward and reproduce!!  We were ALL given a desire for sex so that we would procreate BUT We Humans were given a Brain also AND Character, AND Morals, AND Integrity - that animals do not possess because they do not have Our Intelligence!!  WE HAVE CHOICE!!  Promiscuity is a choice, be it Man or be it Woman.

The biggest sex organ (man OR woman) is the BRAIN.  An erection does not CONTOL behavior.  Behavior is a CHOICE - with or without an erection!!






973741 tn?1342346373
by specialmom, Nov 26, 2012
I respectfully disagree that every man has a sexual outlet outside of marriage.  This almost says that it is to be expected that a man can't control themselves.  That would be a sad statement on the general character of men and am glad that this is not something you can prove (as that link is not quite a scientifically designed study) but rather is just from your experience of those you know and yourself.  

We all have temptation but we are only as good as our ability to deny it.  This goes for all temptation with some being far less harmless than sex outside of a marriage.  

If someone betrayed their vows, it is on their character and not an ingrained part of them for which they had no control.  I do believe a mistake could possibly happen that someone deeply regrets, however, the lack of accountability involved in saying it's just the way men are means that no man could ever be trusted.  I'm so very glad this isn't my world.

I'd encourage anyone that has made a mistake to own it.  That is how you move forward and are less likely repeat it.  Lots of luck and peace to all



973741 tn?1342346373
by specialmom, Nov 26, 2012
Oh, and I do want to say that I commend anyone that takes responsibility for infidelity and tries to make ammends.  It is hard and brave to do that.  Good luck and I wish you, huplinorg all the best.  

Avatar universal
by huplinorg, Nov 26, 2012
Please know I respect women.  If you ladies can believe anything from this total stranger, please know that.  I think about my grandmothers, my mom, my aunts, all the women in my life and I cry at what I did.  

The women in these places were mostly older.  It was odd for me, but they knew what they were doing.  I remember leaving large tips and thanking them profusely, apologizing for them doing it, and blushing when I left.  I reconciled it in my mind by thinking I was helping them survive and make a living.  I wasn't attracted to them.  I don't remember what they looked like.  I remember the stress in my head going away.  I felt relief from being anxious.

It got easier and easier to go to those places.  That was the scary part.  How easy it was.  It was bizarre in retrospect on how easy it was.  These places are everywhere and I could believe it.  

I am glad I am feeling the pain I am feeling now.  It reminds me of what I did.  

I apologize to all women for my actions.

186166 tn?1385262982
by LIZZIE LOU, Nov 26, 2012
always amazed at the things that people will "try" and justify

163305 tn?1333672171
by orphanedhawk, Nov 26, 2012

There are many different ways to have a satisfying relationship, monogamous or not.
None is better than the other but the bottom line to a successful relationship is communication and honesty.

If you aren't satisfied with your sexual relationship at home, you talk to your wife.
If you have problems talking to your wife, then your problem isn't sexual or isn't just sexual.
Your problem is about communication.

Your issues sound deeper than just this one act and you are doing the right thing in going to a counselor.

The past is over.
Ideally we learn from our mistakes. This is what builds wisdom.
Go forward into your future, don't let your past pull you down.
This is a great opportunity to change, to become a better person, and a better partner.

Good luck.



Avatar universal
by huplinorg, Nov 26, 2012
Lizzie,  

I couldn't agree more.  It was justifying bad behavior.  

Avatar universal
by RainLover71, Nov 26, 2012
I 100% agree with what joggen said and you women can't comment really because you aren't men and you don't think the same way.In a perfect world a man or woman would not stray but this happens all the time.I wonder if the majority of you women really know what your husbands are really up to or what they think about,if they have a fantasy about another woman or women.Truth is most of you don't know and never will.There was a woman just recently who thought her 25 year marriage was perfect until she discovered her husband was sleeping with his secretary for over 10 years,now she thought he was the perfect man,well she was wrong I guess.

480448 tn?1426952138
by nursegirl6572, Nov 26, 2012
Sure, we can comment.  Many of us have husbands or boyfriends who have never cheated.  Many of us have fathers, brothers, sons.  It's an excuse is what it is, and to say that men have basically no control over cheating because of how they're "wired" is an insult to men everywhere.

How about just owning up to bad decisions and being unfaithful, rather than blaming some kind of "instinct" to cheat?  What a bunch of baloney.

Avatar universal
by Teak, Nov 26, 2012
A real man thinks with his brain, while the dog thinks with his penis.

973741 tn?1342346373
by specialmom, Nov 26, 2012
I think that it is impossible for any one human being to speak for all people that are the same sex they are.  Such huge generalizations aren't fact but rather one's perception.  There are plenty of men and women who cheat but to blame it on what sex they are is a sad statement.  But hey, I'm guessing those that say it is just the way men are built have been cheaters before.  Feels better to think it must be everybody else too.

I do wish huplinorg well as you seem very sincere in both your contrition and desire to not do this again.  I really wholeheartedly respect that.  good luck to you and may you find the peace and happiness you long for.  

186166 tn?1385262982
by LIZZIE LOU, Nov 26, 2012
guilty dogs bark the loudest.

just sayin'........

Avatar universal
by RainLover71, Nov 26, 2012
believe what you want and most men do cheat--thats a fact.Some men are just better than others at it and their wives never find out,others like myself and the OP feel guilt and remorse.

Avatar universal
by Teak, Nov 26, 2012
Had he had an exposure and infected his wife would you still have those same feelings?

480448 tn?1426952138
by nursegirl6572, Nov 26, 2012
believe what you want and most men do cheat--thats a fact.

How are you going to prove that???  You cannot proclaim something as a "fact" and not back it up.

LL, you're absolutely right.   It's the cheaters who are quick to want to have an excuse.

SM...good point about making generalizations.  I know a lot of men wouldn't appreciate that.

973741 tn?1342346373
by specialmom, Nov 26, 2012
Rainlover, you are speaking for yourself and what YOU have done in your relationships and written about here and it is not fair to put that on all men.  Not fair at all.  

377493 tn?1356505749
by adgal, Nov 26, 2012
First off, I also agree that a real man owns up to his mistakes, and does his best to make amends.  I truly do commend you for that and wish you healing and peace.  I truly and honestly do.

I absolutely have to comment of Joggens and RainLover's comments.  There is nothing wrong with a bit of fantasy.  It's healthy and normal, and I think most to it to some extent (men and women).  However, as another poster said, we are human beings, not animals.  We do have the ability to think and make decisions.  And I am sorry, but not everyone (not even all men) cheat.  They just don't.  I'm not a man, so your right, I do not understand completely what it might be like.  I do however know that many men may have those urges, but will think through the potential repurcussions and the incredible hurt it may cause, and choose to not stray.  I am proud to be married to one of those men - I have no doubt he has been tempted.  I also know that our family and I come first and he would never ever choose to hurt us.  Therefor I can say that I know he has not and will not stray.  Absolutely no doubt in my mind.

973741 tn?1342346373
by specialmom, Nov 26, 2012
Anyway, I want to circle back around----  this isn't about 'all' men and what they are like but rather a specific painful situation you are dealing with huplinorg.  I think orphanedhawk gave you some very balanced advice.  Making any type of excuse probably won't help but honesty with yourself, with your spouse, better communication may help.

We have to forgive ourselves when we make mistakes.  And I do hope you find peace in yourself and work through this with success.  good luck

973741 tn?1342346373
by specialmom, Nov 26, 2012
Adgal, enjoyed your heartfelt post and agree.  

480448 tn?1426952138
by nursegirl6572, Nov 26, 2012
Yes, well said amanda.

This all goes back to accountability for one's actions.  Either a person is willing to be accountable, or they're not.  OP, you will be fine, you've recognized what you've done and are moving forward.  Hopefully, you will remember that instant gratification isn't worth the cosequences...losing someone you love very much.

377493 tn?1356505749
by adgal, Nov 26, 2012
RainLover, no one here is claiming that no one cheats, just not that everyone cheats.  Specialmom and Nursegirl are correct - saying that all men cheat because of how they are wired is just looking to justify and excuse poor behavior.  Prior to giving in to those "uncontrollable urges" you end your current relationship.  And if you cannot control those urges, you have no business committing in the first place.  As Nursegirl said, why bother to commit if you know you cannot.

480448 tn?1426952138
by nursegirl6572, Nov 26, 2012
You cannot judge a entire gender of people based on celebrities, or rats.  You cannot compare a rat to a person.  A human has the ability to problem solve, and think in a complex manner.  You also cannot judge an entire gender by what you're reading on an internet forum.  How many men are NOT posting about their fidelity.

It's not a valid argument.

Avatar universal
by RainLover71, Nov 26, 2012
Teak,if a man cheats and puts his wife at risk of an STI then he must take full responsibility for that and same goes for a woman who cheats but the OP who wrote this journal has admitted why he cheated on his loving wife--it was his addiction to porn that made him stray.

973741 tn?1342346373
by specialmom, Nov 26, 2012
I don't think it is worth discussing this further with someone who admits to cheating themselves.  It may be too painful to feel like they WERE in control and chose to cheat and wreck a relationship.  So, better to move on.  I'm off to snuggle with my hubby.  Luck to the writer of this journal who deserves people with successful, cheating free longterm relationships to let him know that it is possible.  Peace

186166 tn?1385262982
by LIZZIE LOU, Nov 26, 2012
bottom line is...cheating is a choice that one makes.

no "one" makes you cheat...no "thing" makes you cheat.  doesnt matter how you are wired...if you cheat on a spouse / gf / bf...you make a choice to betray an intimate trust you made with that person.

480448 tn?1426952138
by nursegirl6572, Nov 26, 2012
****Applause**!!!

Amazing post, SM!

You summed it up nicely, I agree.

Off to snuggle with MY hubby as well.  ;0)

Avatar universal
by RainLover71, Nov 26, 2012
Again well said JOGGEN--it's so sad when people are blind to reality

Avatar universal
by huplinorg, Nov 26, 2012
I think its safe to say anything is possible.  If I were in a better place mentally and not full of self-hate, I would never think to do such a thing.  I would fantasize about stuff, but I knew not to cross any lines, like some men do.  

I never thought of online porn as a problem for me.  I never felt I needed it, until I was in a deep depression. Then, it lifted my feelings.  It must be like a drug addiction where you need it to get back to "normal".  

What scared me was the voices in my head justifying everything.  I would have an ethical dilemma and I would rationalize it.  I honestly thought everyone was having sex with anyone.  I saw it on the computer.  There were people doing it.  I met a guy at work who set up couples orgy's at made a living doing it.  I couldn't believe what he was telling me.  I felt like the world was in on the joke, but me.

Don't get me wrong. I wouldn't want to be in an orgy, never.  But, the way he described it, it was educated people who did it.  And they paid good money to participate.  

When I was single, I never went to bars, never really dated, never did anything but work.  I lucked out and met a wonderful woman and got married in my mid-30's.  We've been married three years and things are OK, but there were rough patches.

I would fester on our rough patches.  I would think about the older guys who'd already went through hell with their wives.  One guy told everyone how he cheated on his wife openly.  He was proud of it.  He did it just to **** her off.  My young and impressionable mind couldn't believe it.  I remember the older guys saying how if they were younger or unmarried, how they wish they would bang this or that woman.  

My dad is still married to my mom.  But, they have been and are miserable together.  I remember the fighting and yelling.  That they made four kids seems incredible to me now.  

My cousins who are already married with families are, frankly, miserable. Mostly the male cousins feel miserable, but that radiates to the whole family.  One cousin openly says he wishes he were dead.  But, as catholic's, we had to do what our families raised us to do.

So, all of this was swimming in my mind.  I didn't think about cheating.  I didn't look for women online.  But, when I learned about massage parlors and how many married guys did it, I did it too.  

It was like, I was a chump if I didn't enjoy myself now, because, inevitably, my life will get worse.  It was like the devil feeding me everything I wanted to hear, and it made sense.

I look back in horror of what I thought.  I can't believe it sometimes.  






973741 tn?1342346373
by specialmom, Nov 26, 2012
Huplinorg, my deepest apologies.  We've all done you a great disservice here.  You are suffering and deserve our attention to your situation.

If you have an addiction to porn and sex, then you must treat it like any other addiction.  Treatment is best or at the very least work with a psychologist and work a 12 step program.  

There are very many unhappy marriages out there.  Reality is that marriages require work.  My best advice is to stay connected to your partner emotionally and physically.  Do whatever it takes to maintain that.  

Your addiction consumed you and you  have to sort out why it happened.  Addiction typically is common with depression.  If you feel you are depressed, even mildly, you should seek help for that.  It is very treatable.  And addiction is often used to avoid feelings or pain.  This is best sorted out with a counselor to face what your fear is, what is causing you pain so you can begin to move past it.  Sadly, what you describe often becomes the viscious circle you'e been caught up in.  You need to break this pattern.  

I do wish you the best and hope that you can recover and move past this period of your life.  Peace

377493 tn?1356505749
by adgal, Nov 26, 2012
huplinorg, do you know what your comments sound like to me?  You sound like a good man who made a mistake.  There is a big difference between that and someone who chooses to blatantly, without remorse, hurt others.  I'm sorry your in so much pain, and I do hope you find a way to forgive yourself.  We are all human and it's not always what we did, but how we deal with it and what we do going forward that matters.  Have you considered, or are you in therapy?  

Avatar universal
by huplinorg, Nov 26, 2012
Wow, I started a fire with my journal.  The newbie already making waves.

377493 tn?1356505749
by adgal, Nov 26, 2012
Well said SM.  I was posting at the same time..sorry!  


Avatar universal
by huplinorg, Nov 26, 2012
Yes, I am in counseling.  I have issues and I shared a lot of them here.  I am sorry if this all got out of hand.  I hope everyone can agree to disagree and not take everything that was said personally.  I am sure no one wants to hurt anyone's feelings nor make specific assumptions about people they don't know.  

480448 tn?1426952138
by nursegirl6572, Nov 26, 2012
I would also advise you to surround yourself with people who are in healthy relationships, versus the kind of people you were associating with before.  There are a lot of happy, loyal couples out there, who would be great to be friends with, versus thinking that everyone is a cheater (based on the examples you gave before).

A relationship requires work and most importantly communication.  I agree with SM, too, that you sound as though you may have an addiction to porn.  You need to seek the help of a professional.  You'll work through your guilt and despair.  You sound like a genuine guy, and you're being honest, not making excuses.  I respect that more than anything.

I think the title of your journal is perfect...a fork in the road.  You came to one, and went down the wrong path.  At the next fork, with some help, and some work, you'll choose the right one.  Fidelity is a CHOICE.  It's not always easy, but it's well worth it.

480448 tn?1426952138
by nursegirl6572, Nov 26, 2012
OP...don't worry about it.  Due to comments made, a heated discussion ensued.  It happened.

I agree, SM, time to call it a night, as it's going to go nowhere good...we've all been privvy to see the patterns.

RL...no one attacked you here, please.  You made very strong statements, and were called on them, quite simple.  Then, you got personal about OUR marriages....mostly SM's...with THIS comment:

SM at least I admitted it and was honest about it--there have been plenty of women like you who thinks they know there husband so well only to find out oneday that he was having an affair--PLENTY.All the best to you all

That was below the belt, and you know it.  But, that's your MO.  Lay the bait and wait,.

Night all.  

Avatar universal
by huplinorg, Nov 26, 2012
Thanks to everyone.  Many good points were made by everyone.  Please don't let this conversation cause anyone harm.  The fact is there are good people here who care enough to listen to strangers health issues.  For someone like me, this site is a blessing as I am sure it is for others who come here for help.  


973741 tn?1342346373
by specialmom, Nov 26, 2012
Huplorg, you seem like such a kind hearted person. Now you are trying to console us.  I have the utmost respect for you and I mean that.  You're gonna figure this out.  You're too kind hearted not to.  Peace.

And I am glad you are working with a counseler.  Be totally honest with him/her and be open to whatever they have you work on.

NG, good night dear.  

Avatar universal
by huplinorg, Nov 26, 2012
Please pray for me.  I am afraid.  God bless you all.

Avatar universal
by Teak, Nov 26, 2012
What that your wife don't leave you? You don't have an HIV concern.

377493 tn?1356505749
by adgal, Nov 26, 2012
huplinorg, prayers are with you. Absolutely.  

Avatar universal
by huplinorg, Nov 26, 2012
I'm afraid of my health, physical and mental.  I wouldn't blame my wife if she left me, because its what I deserve.  Good night all.  Peace.

Avatar universal
by RainLover71, Nov 26, 2012
Getting back to the original post--you made a mistake,you are paying for it with guilt and remorse and you are lucky in that you never had an HIV risk.Whats done is done my friend and we can't turn back time but what we can do is learn from our mistakes and you have--god will forgive you but you have to forgive yourself to.I appologize for some of the comments made in your journal,it was unfair to you but if you read my comments I was expressing the reality of the topic and then got verbally attacked by many and insulted aswell which I'm used to now but you take care and you can PM me anytime.It was me who changed the face of the HIV forum from one of hostility to one where compassion is now shown to people in situations like yours.Take care HUPLINORG

Avatar universal
by huplinorg, Nov 26, 2012
I knew what you meant Rain.  Thank you for caring.  Thank you all for caring.

Avatar universal
by RainLover71, Nov 26, 2012
You're welcome

Avatar universal
by joggen, Nov 26, 2012
Let me apologize to the OP. I made some comments that were on my mind, and sort of ended up hijacking his journal, in a way that was, I admit, sort of flame-baiting. I won't comment anymore because I don't want to hijack the journal any further and think I made my point, and I realize that most people brought up under traditional religion will naturally be resistant to what I have said.

Just so you understand me, my main motivation for posting was that I see A LOT of anxiety and depression over people having consensual sex that happens to fall under the category of 'infidelity', and even though you may think that the infidelity is 'wrong', I think it's wrong that people become depressed and suicidal over something that is part of human nature. I am not religious, but I an a big champion of Forgiveness, and I hope the OP can forgive himself and his wife can forgive him.

Avatar universal
by huplinorg, Nov 26, 2012
No need to apologize.  I understood your comments.  Have a good night.  Peace.

973741 tn?1342346373
by specialmom, Nov 26, 2012
joggen, you seem like a cool dude.  I can be open to other points of view.  I think it was the generalizing that I basically disagreed with.  Many men are brought up with traditional religious beliefs as their foundation as well.  For many, this allows them to not give into temptations.  For others, they do and live with regret.  And I think that if infidelity involves lying to a partner, then it is wrong as deception is not usually considered a cornerstone of a good relationship.  However, if two people are open to their partner sleeping with others, then that is the lifestyle they choose and their perogative.  

But again, sorry for going on about this subject on this journal.  Generalizing is troubling to me and that is my main point.  Peace to our poster and peace to you joggen.

Post a Comment