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I'm apparently "hated"

Feb 12, 2009 - 9 comments

Alright where to begin.  First, through out all 3 of my pregnancies I always got told I was "underweight" by friends and family.  And to that, I'm sorry I don't just gain weight and my body doesn't over react and i'm healthy and perfectly fine according to my doctor LOL...  Well, with all 3, I lost any weight I gained except the lbs in the boobs, within 2 weeks.  I don't understand why someone would hate me for that.  

My SIL, the one who just lost her baby, is pi ss ed off at me because I am a twig and she still hasn't lost her weight.  I didn't say anything to her, and she said this to my husband, who is her brother you know.  I have a feeling this is more of her being mad at me, because she lost her baby, and I'm just steering clear of her, and not waving the baby in front of her face.  I mean I have a lot going on and surgeries i'm preping for, and it's just upsetting I guess.  

I go out of my way to be extra nice to her, and only if she asks to see Olivia, i'll show her, and only if she brings her up I'll say anything.  I don't want to be rubbing anything in her face, and i'm going out on a limb doing the best I can for this.  What do I do?  

Anywho, I had to take Olivia in today for a check up, and the lady, well nurse if that's what you call her at the office, asked me if I adopted her.  I asked why she would ask that, and she said, "Well, you don't look like you just had a baby!"  And I kind of blew up and screamed, "Of COURSE I HAD HER GOD, WHAT DO YOU THINK EVERYONE DOESN'T LOSE THE F***ING WEIGHT?"  Yeah ok, I blew up, but still.  The tone in which she said it was freaking rude beyond he ll!  And even one of the other nurses told her, that was uncalled for and she shouldn't ever say anything like that to people.

Ugh, I needed to just vent i'm sorry.  But ugh!!!!

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552853 tn?1278405903
by smileluvr, Feb 12, 2009
Venting is okay. It is what us women need to do to remain stable. I commend you for giving your SIL boundaries. I know how sensitive she is feeling from her lost. You can only do so much to please everyone else. Keep yourself happy. As long as you are comfortable with who you are that is all that matters. Your daughters need to see that you are a strong woman so that they will grow up and be strong women as well. Keep venting.

561451 tn?1257476350
by ashiepooh, Feb 12, 2009
Haha oh you know, I was all happy and full of smiles until I let that nurse have it!  My kids's doctor even apologiezed for her and said she was new and he wasn't bothered by me going off on her.  haha But other than that, I know my SIL will be upset so i'm not letting it bug me too much, it's just rolling by me, it's just hard.  She is always at their grandma's and their grandma wants us to bring Olivia over, and how can I do that when my SIL is there?  hmmmft...  it's tough

365714 tn?1292199108
by MJIthewriter, Feb 12, 2009
It's good to vent and get that anger out. It sounds very likely your friend who lost her baby is projecting her anger out on you. As far as what to do about it I don't know.

The other people complaining about the lack of weight gain or the easy loss sound like they are jealous, perhaps?

561451 tn?1257476350
by ashiepooh, Feb 12, 2009
You know I was maybe thinking that maybe those people were jealous, but I don't sit there and flaunt it about, it's just irritating that they bring it up everytime I see them.  For instance, my MIL just hounds me on being too thin.  I eat a lot of food, and I don't gain weight.  Likely because I am super active and don't like to just sit around like her, but i'm also on a strict diet because of how many food allergies I have, so I don't know if that has anything to do with it or not.

550546 tn?1249410039
by Avanaar, Feb 12, 2009
When I had my miscarriage I didn't lose any of the weight I gained ... so I know how your SIL feels there.  But after having Jaiden, I'm back down to what I weighed before I got pregnant with him (so I still have that weight I gained after my miscarriage ... but not the 30+ pounds I gained being pregnant again!).  With my emotions being the way they were after miscarrying, losing weight was probably the last thing my body wanted to do.

I, too, think it's great that you're trying to protect your SIL's feelings by keeping baby stuff away from her.  I know how upset I was just by seeing a random commercial about babies, let alone having to talk to friends about theirs.  It s-u-c-k-e-d!  

As for the rude comment from the lady at the dr's office ... don't listen to **** like that.  Just brush it off ... you're definitely a very lucky person to have your body bounce back from pregnancy like that!  They're just jealous!!  =D  I'd probably be pretty snippy at someone if they made a comment like that to me ... but also a little flattered that they'd assume that since I'm so cute and skinny I couldn't have just popped out a baby!!  LOL  I know how great it made me feel the day we went to Target a couple weeks ago, and one of the elderly employees handing out food samples said I looked wonderful for just having a baby 3 weeks prior!  I can't believe how great that made me feel!!  =D  Not to mention everyone was fawning over Jaiden ... after not getting hardly any attention while I was pregnant, the attention from carting around the most adorable baby ever was a nice change.  =D

Anyway, I digress ... vent away, woman, vent away!!!

172023 tn?1334672284
by peekawho, Feb 12, 2009
If anyone ever told me that I looked like I was too skinny to have just had a baby, I think my immediate reaction would be to hug and kiss them, while screaming with joy.

But hey, that's just me.  

I was a very skinny girl until I hit 30-35.  After that, it was all downhill.  Just sayin'.  

561451 tn?1257476350
by ashiepooh, Feb 12, 2009
LOL Aww Avanaar you just made me laugh really hard!!  I'm glad i'm not the only one who would snap at someone!  Haha!  

See, I am a little worried also that my SIL wont lose the weight.  She didn't go walk or exercise at all during her pregnancy, and then she did have a c-section so no one right now expects her to og out and do anything really, since she is mourning, but she actually told my husband, that she couldn't believe I lost the weight and that I should get fat because she still has weight.  Needless to say, I just don't want her to hate Olivia for all this, and she can be mad at me all she wants, but she shouldn't hate her niece because she was born shortly after her daughter passed.  I hope it'll pass as time goes by.

561451 tn?1257476350
by ashiepooh, Feb 12, 2009
Peek - it was more the tone she had when she said it, if they had voice things on here, I'd surely put it on here so you guys could hear it.  It was just so offguard I guess.  But my husband family always told me through out my pregnancy that I was too skinny and was eating enough, even though I was stuffing my face in front of them lol

679757 tn?1234840580
by Lula0609, Feb 12, 2009
I can understand if you hear it too many times it would get on your nerves.  Like, "alright already...I get it!"  But to have a professional nurse say something like that at all is kinda wack.  I'm not skinny by any means and it was hard for me to get down to where I wanted, as I'm sure it will be this time again, but to be mad at another woman for losing all the weight after having her baby is not even a thought that would enter my head.  I love ME too much to worry about someone else and their perfect little hineys! LOL!  

You are just one of those lucky people with good genes and who look good in jeans. LMAO!  Some people need to get a grip.

BTW, you are an awesome SIL to be so sensitive and'll pay off in the end!

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