Feb 15, 2009
I have had my family tell me as well as my forum family / friends that I need to take care of myself. And Love myself. I would like to do learn to do this, I don't know how. I only know how to take care of others in need. That is what I have always done. I just is not natural feelings for me to take care of Shar, daughter- wife-mother- sister and in law to my husbands family(which is a major source of my heartache.)
It has always been my job to take care of other people I love. To be there and volunteer and say yes all the time. I have learned to say no more often.
Right now I am focusing on my kids, health, And we just found out that our sister in law's parents are in bad health her father fell and broke his hip & may not survive and her mom has Alzheimer so they may have to put her into a facility . I feel so bad for her and My Brother -in-law. People I love are in pain, and all I can do is pray God will provide for them.
I have talked to my husband, Mike that it is time we go through all our belongings, furniture, etc. to make more room in our little duplex so we don't fall and get hurt. This is not easy for us but I just can not keep up with the dusting, vacuuming, mopping the floor, etc. I just can't do this as often any more. We have a lot of furniture and antique glass. So we are going to start in our closets and go from there. I got rid of a beautiful glass top coffee table because I have nearly fallen into it nearly 3 persons. Then this week I fell on ours little fireplace electric heater and I really jarred my whole body, so my Fibro, and Osteoarthritis is no more flared that it was when I broke my foot. Foot is healed and the Fibro is flare and totally out of control my IM dr. said. I am walking around the house with a cane now because of my back with Osteo. & all the symptoms of pain from the Fibro.
I honestly am not the kind of person that likes sympathy, understanding is good. This Forum and all the people I have met and made friends, some very special friends have been my support. I hope somewhere along the way I have help someone. I need help, I don't know where to start to take of me, which my dr. wants me to do. I know how to love others, no idea how to love myself. Maybe that sounds weird, but I have been severely depressed for nearly 2 years. Some times I can't even talk or remember what I was to do.
I am hoping My forum family can help me. I am so scared of all the changes in my life. I don't want to lose my friends, but I am asking for help from you if can. I know we all are in some kind of pain, and maybe I am asking for too much. I don't know what to do.