Jan 03, 2013
I went to a meeting Sunday the first one in six years, had been doing the one to two meeting routine for about six years before that. My return was facilitated by me honoring the two women that I exchanged celebration days with and are no longer with us, CANCER is a *****. The second reason was to have someone who at twelve years made a choice, he gave me my first cake, to go another direction eventually returning to active addiction maybe hopefully after giving me my twenty-four year token this would jump start his return.
Understand that the first year I did between four to five meetings a day throughout that entire year and then somewhere between eight to ten meeting a week for another eight years. I showed up but more importantly I participated, studied, learned and slowly CHANGED. It had not been about drugs for many years for me, I realized the readings were correct the problem was ME. But I had gone to the end of what was offered in the rooms, I needed answers as to why not just what to do, knowledge is power and I was tired of being told I was POWERLESS over my addiction. So at year ten I returned to college, some hundred and twenty-four credits and twenty–two years later. Half the credits were of no use and I felt sooooo old around all that youth. I remembered what I had learned, fear is a lack of faith and proceeded to go on and get my Masters.
My friend has so far not returned to the rooms although he felt tired the next two days, what he had learned previously may of started to resurface I hope. The meeting consisted of six people where as six years ago close to a hundred with standing room only, but it was home and nice to revisit.
To listen to those that shared substances were the main subject of topic; four had previous attempts to stay clean and had various amount of time. They talked like they had never read a book about their program or the subject of addiction & recovery, they just parroted the slogans and saying with what I believe is a direct link to why they recycle, at least until they DIE. To use is to eventually bring physical DEATH, emotional and spiritual death are just the beginning. I wanted to impart what I have learned and come to believe but I respect the program that gave me the foundation to build my program upon to contradict what was being said.
Within 30 days I was taught and realized that drugs were only a symptom of the problem. To talk about drugs as more than just a genetic choice of escape is misleading and dangerous. I have learned I do not have to use a substance to screw up my life, I can do it very well thank you by the choices I make or do not make. This realization had given me so much freedom and allowed me to venture into the spiritual aspect of recovery, I was beyond just clean, know the difference. The spiritual aspect is the key I believe and having a relationship, not just an acknowledgement of God, is fundamental in never harming oneself in all aspects of their life.
The gift is available to everyone you just need the right information and direction.