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Completely. Utterly. Devastated.

Jan 05, 2013 - 13 comments

Just turned 45. Lost our baby boy 5.5 years ago at 20 weeks. Husband dropped a bomb on me in late November that he doesn't want to be married anymore. Losing my marriage is worse than losing my son. My husband just threw us away like we meant nothing. He wasn't even willing to try. I am devastated and very depressed. I lost my marriage, my home, I am living with my parents, and all my friends are over 1,000 miles away. I miss my husband horribly. I am very angry and profoundly sad. We were in the adoption process and now I will probably never be a mother. I am a good, kind, loving person. I DO NOT DESERVE THIS.

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922048 tn?1387942584
by Sherri90049, Jan 05, 2013
Oh Sue! I am so sorry! I don't even know what to say. You're right, though! You do NOT deserve this! You deserve an amazing guy who loves and cherishes you and cannot even IMAGINE his life without you! Will be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers during this impossibly difficult time. We are all here for you. I know that, way down the road after you have healed from this, there will be great things in store for you! But I know you can't even begin to think about that right now. And I fully believe that you WILL be a mother! Do not give up hope! You are a beautiful, good, kind, loving person! You deserve incredible happiness and I believe that you are going to have it! I don't know if you're friends with Sheaby, but she went through something similar. We didn't hear from her for a while, but she came back a few months later with a new lease on life and a great new guy who treats her like a queen. Now I know I am talking about things that might be a ways down the road. I apologize if it's too soon to start this kind of talk when this just happened. But I just want to remind you that there will be light at the end of the tunnel! We are all here for you and care about you! You WILL get through this! Lots of love and hugs!!!!

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by Ecologic, Jan 06, 2013
I do not know you but I feel very sorry for you. Loosing your baby boy and now ypur husband leaves: it's so crual!

I know that to get pregnant late in life with infertility issues can make a marriage very rocky at times. Often times the woman wants to keep trying but the man has had enough. Do you think your husband is gone for good?

I wish you to stay a strong woman: you will bounce back!!

334926 tn?1436811523
by butterflybabies, Jan 06, 2013
I'm so sorry! I don't know what to say except I'm thinking of you and praying you find happiness no matter what that happiness is.

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by claritasj, Jan 06, 2013
I have no words to express how sorry I am. Lots of times we ask ourselves WHY things happens, Please dont be discouraged, I know it must be hard and feeling alone right now. Maybe this life has something better for you! Dont lose hope, I wish this year be better for you that you can find that encouragement you need and God bring happiness to your life. Will keep you in my prayers

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by Helen72, Jan 06, 2013
Nobody deserves what you went through!!!I hope you find the strength to re-start your life and find happiness.  Also, you can adopt a child on your own once you get through this rough patch.

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by pb95, Jan 06, 2013
I'm so sorry to hear this.  There is lots of support here for you to talk to, so don't be sad alone.  Sherri is right that there are a couple on here that experienced similar situations.  I pray whatever opportunity is going to open itself to you will do so soon.

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by Yrmacias, Jan 06, 2013
I'm very sorry to hear that you are going through this difficult time. Let's pray that God helps you heal from this and lead you to the life you really deserve.

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by bfromthed, Jan 06, 2013
You are truly in my prayers! I just went thru the same thing...lost our son 6 years ago after he was born...26 days later he passed away...found out that my husband had a affair for 2 years and now we are divorce and still with her...Im 39 shes 26/27...go figure. God is GREAT and prayer works. Keep your faith. Its amazing how we can miss the ones that hurt us to the core but its a normal feeling. PLEASE stay close to God as he is truly your strength!

973741 tn?1342342773
by specialmom, Jan 06, 2013
Oh, you poor dear.  Yes, this is so hard especially since you've been married a while and had so many hopes and dreams such as adopting a baby.  He is abandoning you and that really stings.  If there is any way you can see a therapist where you are at, that would be great.  To express all you are feeling in a safe place with a professional may help you work through it.  Peace and good luck to you.  

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by AnnieBrooke, Jan 07, 2013
I'm sorry.  That s ucks.  However, all is not entirely lost, I don't think it means the end of your dreams of adopting or being a mother.  Say goodbye to the jerk and look ahead, it's amazing what is out there.

13167 tn?1327194124
by RockRose, Jan 07, 2013
SueGre,  I've been thinking about you on and off all day since reading this,  this morning.  

I think losing a husband to divorce is harder than losing one to a quick and painless death - if he died in his sleep of an aneurism,  for example,  I think you'd get over the grief and loss more quickly than an unexpected and unwanted divorce.

Prayers for you.

But I also have to say this.

You have the second half of your life ahead of you.  I don't know your story,  but your pics look healthy and vibrant and capable.  My guess is you could walk in to about anywhere and get a job quickly.

I wrote much more but wiped it out because it's too painful to write.   It's about how having children can be more painful than you ever imagined,  and I'm not talking about childbirth issues.  

I wish you well.  

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by Godisfaithful, Jan 20, 2013
I don't know you, but I am praying for you. Right now just go through the grief; that normal. But in time allow yourself to heal. Allow God to heal you because He can and will. Being 45 doesn't mean life if over for you or having a child. Don't give up on being a mother. Don't let him steal that from you. Be the victorious one and pray for him.

631676 tn?1333718203
by usuk, Feb 19, 2013
so much loss honey. none of it was meant to be. i am sure the loss of your boy did not help. men often would rather cut the ties than feel the pain. my dad lost my mom to a ridiculously aggressive brain tumor. diagnosed dec 19th, operated on dec 22. never woke up. disconnected life support jan 13th. that was 1992. he moved away, never married again, is not big on holidays, and would rather be a martyr than try to build a second life. my brother is divorced and is basically your age and thinks he is "done" and drinks most days. i never see my niece. and when i was not able to have a baby - i was so pissed. why do i have to be adopted? and have a mom who died when i was 20? and a dad who gave up? and a brother who is addicted to alcohol? he takes his kid for granted - what a waste. etc etc. and why do i have a no "family" curse. that is why i never gave up. just out of sheer refusal to end up like the men in my life who gave up. our new baby has changed my dad a bit. but he is now 72.

i know you are better than this. i know you are stronger than this. now as to how to have your baby, there are ways that do not matter how old those ovaries are. so when you are ready - you will find the strength. what will you tell him or her about all this? and how much they will know that your heart searched for them for over 5 years and never gave up. you should be proud of the fact that your desire to be a mom still survived and was not linked to the need to please your husband or save your marriage. xoxoxoxo

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