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Scared and feeling lonely

Mar 14, 2008 - 6 comments

I am doing my best to try to help others on here. I just wish I could find a way to get the help I need. I went to the internist to pick up my lab work and have it sent to the Nephrologist. This internist is nice, but when I was so weak and messed up last Friday and my husband called, they never called back. I always feel so betrayed and alone and like the world is just going on and I am not really even a part of it. I have been on the edge of sheer meltdown lately. I have a malar rash since yesterday. I was hoping one of the nurses there would at least have looked at it. There was no one there, and they all had left early. I am increasingly becoming fearful. My Lipase level is high. I have been having pain in my right side (not severe) just really uncomfortable for over a month. It is tender to the touch and I don't know if it a gallbladder issue or worse. I am really paranoid perhaps because of the history of autoimmune problems and it just seems like my whole body is going downhill. My BUN is slightly high, My Alkaline Phosphatase is one point above normal so that is something I am not too worried about. But I still am scared. I was scared before I got the labs. So, what the heck is wrong with me anyhow. Why am I such a big baby? I just want to cry. I have my husband here, but I just don't feel like anyone understands. So, all I can do is do my best and pray and help others. Hoping all is well for all the sick and suffering folks on this world, especially those here on this board. God bless


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Avatar universal
by candi03, Mar 15, 2008
I don't understand all your symptomes but i do understand what it is like to cruely sick and with no explanation as to why or how you should fight your illness. I hope you the best of luck even though hope for the best and from your sickness seems so far off, but it will happen u will get there. Good luck take care, your not alone.

Candice

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by LymeBabe4864, Mar 15, 2008
Hi hon,

  (((((((soft~hugs)))))))  I'm here for you my friend.  Believe me I know how you feel about being alone and not really feeling like you are apart of anything, I'm in that same boat......but I lost my paddles....do you have any hon?

  I'm here for you my friend you are NOT alone.


  Trish

Avatar universal
by Caracola, Mar 16, 2008
I felt exactly in the same way than you. Betrayed maybe is not just my word but 'a number to fill statistics tables'. Doctors put on hold decisions on my breast conservative treatment for the last four weeks. Change their minds without a really good reason behind. Kept me waiting not understanding. Being fed up about asking around for second, third and one hundred opinion: a roller coaster! Feeling alone, afraid of mistakes ... Endless list ... Do you know what I did? ... Go to the hospital and complain about it in a constructive way and it worked. The only thing I asked for was to have dates to be able to prepare myself for surgery, radiation, starting drugs ... and if any change in disease management, just a good reason and explanation behind. What, why, how, when, where and, in the pocket, a back up plan prepared. It seems simple but it's not. It's not easy for anyone but the least for us, the patients.
But this is just the beginning! At least I'll be able to have organized my life, to join some classes of yoga, dance, languages or whatever to keep me busy, some travel around to visit my parents or just to get used to a routine quite different than before but a healthy routine.

Please keep as high as you can. Trying and trying time is going by and you'll reach the day that you will feel like a heroin and will be over! Keep going, all of us are doing a well done job!

Cheers

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by vicjay, Mar 17, 2008
Thank you for your honesty my friend. When these things happen to our bodies it is very discouraging, fearful and lonely. No one seems to really understand. I actually do know exactly how you feel. I have been anxious and had many a panic attack, thinking there is something awfully weirdly wrong with me because none of the Specialists (Neurologists/Cardiologists) have been able to nail down what is wrong. I have had two catheter ablations which have definitely worked as far as regulating my heart rythm, but there was no actual diagnosis, other than PVC to the tune of 28000 extra beats a day. So, with that out of the way, why am I still dizzy, why is my bowel movement been pale and smell bitter for over 8 months? Why hasn't anything shown up in my blood work? So, my friend, I absolutely hear your heart, and want you to know you are not alone. Somehow through this all, an answer will come, and the fact you trust in the Lord is a resounding encouragement. So do I.

Hugs

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by SickbutEmpowered, Mar 17, 2008
Thank you all for your feedback. I have been going through so much, and haven't been feeling to good.
I will keep in touch as best as I can. I am just so tired sometimes.
Peace and blessings


Avatar universal
by ananda27, May 05, 2008
If you are open to it, you should try reading Ekhart Tolle's "a new earth" and also CDs by Abraham/Ester Hicks - they both provide excellent insite into pain and how to live a happy/peacefull life no matter what.

Ive "suffered" from chronic pain since i was 14 (now 24).  Lately, the pain has manifested into extremely painful "attacks" by the gallbladder along with dizzyness/nausea/fatigue similar to yours.  I felt depressed and hopeless because doctor's can never find a reason for my pains;  After reading A New Earth and listening to the Abraham/Ester Hicks cd's (a friend gave them to me) I feel extremely empowered and have a keen sense that a doctor will not heal me - I will.  

Joy and Peace.

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