Feb 25, 2009
When things are bad, I try to write them out before I forget. I have about a thirty second memory span. No matter how many notes I write myself, everything goes unnoticed. It's been a couple of days since I printed out a billion pages of how my mind is destroying me. For once, I think my writer's block has proven itself miraculous. Even though things seem pretty mellow, I still remain cautious. Good things never last long. So much has happened, nothing surprises me.
My normal state is depression and apathy ... and I'm fine with that (duh, apathetic). The other night I was starving, which is extremely unusual for me. I NEVER want to eat and when I do, I just look at it mindlessly and then forget about it until it starts to decay. For example, I have pasta and Kool-Aid that has been sitting in front of me since six o' clock. It is almost ten thirty pm. I also have the TV on in the living room because I told myself I wanted to play Elebits, but that, too, began hours ago. I have little to no motivation, I can't concentrate, my memory is shot and I'm turning into a mindless robot. I don't know how to overcome this massive heap of stupid. I am NOT an idiot. I'm impressively intellectual because I'm curious, annoying, and fascinated by everything. So why does it feel like I'm getting stupider?
I just answered my question in reference to the title of this entry. I stand 4'9" and I never have been able to jump very high - and most certainly not for joy.