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Sometimes I wish....

Jan 22, 2013 - 2 comments

chiari malformation

sometimes i really do wish that i looked as sick as i feel. then people might understand. then people might stop looking at me like im crazy. theyd say, "wow she really is sick." theyd stop asking me stupid questions and stop telling me "you dont look sick."
sometimes i wish this was a fatal disease. so that way i would know there was an end to my misery one way or another. that way i knew that at some point, id be free of all this pain i have to silently deal with. because showing real emotion or complaining is showing weakness.
sometimes i wish that i could  just escape my body for a day. switch places with someone else just to feel what its like to be a normal healthy person. because im pretty sure ive never been healthy a day in my life. ive always had the headaches, ive always had SOMETHING wrong with me. i can barely even remember a time when i wasnt on medication for one thing or another. i just want a break.
sometimes, i wish, with every fiber of my being, that all of this was over. and just a memory. that the doctors could give me an easy fix. a pill or a surgery, and tell me, "there you go, your all set. enjoy your life. see you at your next yearly physical."
And sometimes i wish, that this was all just a bad dream.

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1823499 tn?1370093889
by Sexybare, Jan 22, 2013
I could not havr said that better....exactly how I feel sweetie, but we gotta hang in...I'm tired of pretendin with a smile, and people sayin I don't look sick....they have no clue. U said it perfectly. Hugs,Dana

4689100 tn?1358801534
by wnzday, Jan 24, 2013
Exactly all of our thoughts to a T. I know how frustrating it can be to have so many people say the things that they do to all of us. Sometimes I wish they could walk even one day in our shoes, but then on the other hand, I do not wish this illness even on my worst enemy. It is so consuming all the way around.  I also would pretend and smile and act as if I was ok, But I am so done with that.... This is just the way it is and everyone else can either accept it or not, doesn't matter to me anymore cause they don't live the Chiari life we do.
Hand in there sweetie, Prayers your way!

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