All Journal Entries Journals

Vent  36 weeks 2 days

Jan 26, 2013 - 4 comments



36 weeks







The baby's father came over for about and hour and just left. He said 9 years was to long and he wants something younger. (I'm only 23) My heart is broken but mostly for my kids. He said he has been seeing this girl for a while now that's still in high school and she doesn't want him around me or our kids. So he made his decision that she was most important. He's not my daughter Meriyahs biological father ( her "Sperm donor" rraped me Nov. 4th 2007) so de is who she knows as her father for he was there through my whole pregnancy and since after. We met in high school he was a Freshman I was a Junior (but I didn't know it at the time when we met I assumed he was the same age lol). He was such as sweetheart was there after every class carried my stuffand made sure I always had a smile on my face. In 2007 when he showed up to the hospital that's when I noticed that's when he changed. So today he also told me that he only stayed around because he felt like it was his fault it happened and it hurt him that he wasn't there to protect me. I no feel so ashamed of myself and of him I always brought it up everyonce in a while asking him if he was with me because he felt he was oblagated to from my rape and it wasn't until now that he was able to openly admit it. I feel used especially after this argument he asked me to make him some coffee and lunch... He could have done this before, I'm 36 weeks and could have the baby at anytime but now I'm going to be alone he said in his words "**** your kids" that's exactly why I haven't bought the baby anything not because I haven't had the money but because I want nothing to do with her or Mer I wouldn't even shed a tear if you lost the baby I would go out and celebrate. I'm devistated and torn I don't understand how someone can say this to someone who who supports them let's you live with them with no obligations (no rent , electric bills, water, food). He even pawned his engament ring ( might I added that I bought for us cuz he could afford it at the time) I took care of this boy when he was sick jobless even in high school when his mom abandon him and his  brothers. For weeks at a time I bought them food so that they wouldn't starve. I gave him my heart completely as I thought he didn't the same. I don't understand if he was the one who wanted to try for another baby ito begin with why he'd do this.

Post a Comment
1351078 tn?1416316746
by retta483, Jan 26, 2013
well im sorry this happend but its better you find out now than later . you are still young and their are great guys out there ! he sounds young and in mature . just be the best mom you can things will work out .

2149304 tn?1447814562
by PurpleLush07, Jan 26, 2013
U know what its fines its been needing to happen hell realise his decision was the wrong one... and when he does well be long gone.  Thanks retta!! I've made it this far pretty much by my self except him coming home at night I can sure do it without him.

1181036 tn?1367372240
by FreshLove, Jan 28, 2013
Definitely sounds like he's been using you all this time and taking advantage of the fact that you will provide for him. So sorry he dropped this bomb on you right when you're about to have another baby, but in the long run it's for the best- he doesn't sound like a good dad anyway. Wishing you lots of strength and a healthy, happy baby.

2149304 tn?1447814562
by PurpleLush07, Jan 28, 2013
Exactly thanks hun.... Im actually more relaxed  now tht I only need to provide for me mer and the new lo when shes here.. :o)

Post a Comment