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Set back....and hard choices.

Jan 26, 2013 - 3 comments

Well today was just an enormous failure on all levels. I wish now I had just stayed in bed all day. I was so excited when my daughter called me from Salt Lake at 5:30 last nite to say they were on the way. If only I could go back in time and tell her to turn around and go home. I figured, it being late and all, they would make it about halfway (Rock Springs WY)....get an early start and roll into to town around noon. So I laid down for a good sleep, knowing I would be playing with my grand daughter by this evening. Not to be..."

At around 9 this a.m. I get a txt from Bri "are you awake?"
"Yes" I reply.... "Are you Close?"
"No please call me"
Right away I could tell something was wrong. I could feel it in my gut that something bad was going on. My gut is always right.

Last nite at around 10:30, about the time I was drifting off to pleasant dreams of spending the next month with my daughter and grand daughter Kaislee, her boyfriend was getting pulled over by the Wyoming State Patrol, just outside of Evanston. It seems that Corbyn, her BF, had little sleep the night before and didn't bother to clean his headlights well before they left. He weaved in front of the State Trooper, who pulled him over and gave him a Breathalyzer (passed) and a sobriety test...also passed except for the standing on one leg...and if you have never been on I-84 in S WY, you probably wouldn't know that the wind blows 9 ******* zero most of the time down there. And Standing on one leg in 15 below zero AND wind isn't exactly the easiest endeavor.

So they arrest him on suspicion and then proceed to attack my daughter verbally. Asking her is she is on "uppers or downers?". when she responds "neither", the officer says "Bull**** you're high as a kite. THEN (and this is really good stuff here) has her DRIVE their car (remember she is high as a kite?) to a T/A truckstop 10 miles up the road, in the middle of freakin nowhere, and tells her (she has no license) to stay there and don't go any further. There are no motels anywhere near...the closest is in Evanston 30 miles away. So my Daughter and Grand Daughter spend the nite in THE CAR in the dead of winter!

Not joking! When I called the State Police office in Cheyenne the duty officer politely informs me that it is not the job of a state patrolman to taxi people to motels. so I ask him "IS IT THEIR JOB TO DUMP MOTHERS WITH INFANTS OFF IN THE FREAKIN @#$%$&*#$ middle of nowhere in the dead of winter?"....And by the way is it the job of officers, to allow citizens WITH NO LICENSE to drive? Is it the job of State Patrolmen to let mothers that they know are "HIGH AS A KITE" to keep custody of 11 month old infants? This shut him up real quick and he got really polite and helpful.

To make a long story anxiety level has shot thru the roof today and my "tapering schedule" went right out the window.

Spent the whole day trying to get her on a bus and up here. Now here is the kicker. It all blew up because her mother hates her boyfriend, Who is an ex heroin addict. I have cut the kid some slack because he has tried to get his life together and take care of his little family. He has a good job that he will likely lose because he is supposed to be at work, Mon morning, in Colorado. Btw....they took a UA, which has come back clean but will not release him until the blood test comes back. And the bail bondsmen would only take the full bail (cash only) because he is an out of stater. So I have been trying to get my daughter home and in the middle of a full scale war, between her and her mother, all day. In retrospect I should have just driven the 10 hrs down to Evanston and never involved the ex.

I just didn't need this. I was making strides on both the tapering and my panic/breathing problem the last few that is shot to ****. AT LEAST....I didn't go get a pack of smokes. Somehow I overcame that urge.

By why is it that when you are down, that life really kicks you in the groin? Not just me but my kid and her BF. He just got this job and they were getting their lives together. Everyone in the family was starting to say good things about Corbyn....."turning it around"....."maybe he is worth something"....then this happens.

Life isn't fair, I know that. And I don't mind if god punishes me hell I deserve it. Buy why does he punish my kid....and my grand child? What did she do that she had to sit in a truckstop for 24 hrs? I am just furious about that.

Now the hard choices...I am just riding this tapering thing out. I am really stuck at 60 mg. Is that so bad? I went CT at 50 and lived. I feel like I am just wasting time and things in my life are spiraling down hill. I have people that need me...depend on my kids and grand kids. And I feel of NO USE whatsoever. Maybe I should just flush the rest of these damn things, get some gatorade and get on with it. Of all the people I am angry at right now....I am the most angry at myself.
Ok...deep breath...sorry had to vent. Guess I need to get back to getting her on that bus.


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4628837 tn?1364557915
by sandy535353, Jan 27, 2013
Sorry for all your troubles. If you were going CT, you wouldnot have been able to help her in anyway. So, tapering is the way to go for you right now. Ive had so many turmoils in my life and your right it's not fair, but what is. These are all GOD's little tests, and it seems you passed this one. You didnt smoke, and you didnt take alot more pills to get thru this. You aren't stuck at 60, your body just hasnt leveled out yet to go down a bit more. Im on 12 and having a helluva time with this dose. Yesterday I felt like Ill never get off this does, but the day before I was on cloud 9. Every day will bring trials and tribulations, and GOD will be watching us at all times to see how we fare with each one. Take a deep breath, slow down and think clearly and help them get over this dam hurdle and as you say, keep on keeping on. xoxo

4626633 tn?1382597122
by BarbRTR, Jan 29, 2013
I feel terrible. I posted a note on your wall before seeing this. I don't know how to delete it, I'm sorry! I posted seeing your status.

Ditto what Sandy says.
Deep breath, and please remember you are of use.
If you ever want or need to vent, I am here if you want to message me. I am a good listener my friends say.


4622451 tn?1360595255
by JimiMiddleFinger63, Jan 30, 2013
It's all good thanks for support. Dropped another 1/2 a 15mg the last few days. Not bad so far. Mom and baby are here and she is a handful. But all is well....

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