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no other choice than to keep fighting

Jan 30, 2013 - 1 comments

chiari malformation

i have so far had a rough week. a constant nagging headache that wont go away, and with one cough or sneeze, it goes to a full blown migraine that has me in the fetal postion in bed quicker than you can say "ouch". sometimes its just hard to deal with it all. i wish i could make plans or even go out but at this point, i cant. the headaches and migraines come on so fast and so suddenly, not to mention the constant nausea, tremors, weakness not only in my hands but now sometimes in my legs, etc. its too much of a risk for me to go out. im lucky im even aloud behind the wheel. which im usually not because im smart enough not to drive on a sick day. i just wish these sick days were few and far between but theyre not. theyre 4-5 days a week on a GOOD WEEK. most of the time its every day. i cant even laugh anymore because it hurts to most of the time. and the rare day i dont have a headache or a migraine, i am anxious waiting for it to start.
i know god never gives us more than we can handle, but why does he think i can handle so much? how does he see me as such a strong person if i cant see it in myself? and i know this is supposed to teach me something, i just wish i knew what already. he does things for a reason, he doesnt give us obstacles for no reason, but why does this lesson, whatever it is supposed to teach me, have to be so painful and hard? i just want it over with. to wake up one day without any symptoms and not be on my toes waiting for them to start.

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by wnzday, Jan 30, 2013
Perfectly said, This is the way I feel most times too. I know we try to be positive & optomistic, But I also know that I can only feel good for a short time, and I keep waiting for the day it will hit again, kinda like it's hiding just right around the corner, getting ready to strike again.

I am so sorry that you are having such a tough time right now. I myself just came out of a 4 week, (every day) long battle.

I know our sickness is like warfare, we live one day at a time, sometimes minute by minute or hour by hour, But we all do the best we can.
Hold fast to Jesus, he is the only true way to find the strength we need , the spiritual renewal to help us carry the heavy burden & the faith to keep believing that even though God will sometimes tell us no for reasons unknown that he still knows best. As it says in Proverbs 3:5 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding"

I pray that you will find that strength to endure this storm (illness) until God decides to remove your pain and that you will also recieve the peace that passes all understanding. My heart & prayers go out to you!!!!

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