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feeling sad

Feb 06, 2013 - 7 comments

Im so lucky to have my healthy cecilia. There is not a day where i dont realize that. She is my world and is such a sweetheart. I cant belueve how much she has grown since last year...

Today ive been thinking alot about loss. Not too much aboutt my own but just in general. My heart goes out to everyone who goes through a miscarriage,chemical,still birth, etc.  its so unfair that so many of us have felt that pain. I can still feel my heart sink when i think of seeing the empty ultrasound or breaking down in the costco parking lot as i called my boss to tell her i couldnt come to work. Or walking out of the jospital after confrming  the liss behind a lady leaving with her newborn thinking how terrible it is that we had to leave from the same place. I have more than dealt with my loss but all those moments are still real to me.

Ive been reading some posts on bbc and there have been so many miscarriages, its terrible to imagine what they are going through. We just had a lady find out her bsby has no skull or brain...
I know many on these boards have had a loss. Many with multiples. It is just hard talking about loss with people who have had only healthy pregnancies because they just look at you weird. I always find people this uncomfortable look at the ground until the convo channges. I dont talk about it often but it has come up in relation to a topic because its not a secret. It had a huge impact on my life and if anyone else experuences it i want them to know  tgat rgey are not alone. Usually what i say is as extensive as i had an early pregnancy loss before cecilia.


I guess i am just saying my heart goes out to all the women who have gone through this and i think its really unfaur it happens to so many of us. Praying for good us results on Fridaty

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1609417 tn?1389642778
by haz1104, Feb 07, 2013

so weird..I felt every word of this— its so true..unfortunately even me — with my history of 3 miscarriage..I really sympathize with a women who's been thru what I have..and also have a strange look on my face and words stuck in my throat lol especially if she's a stranger to me..that's y we have MH —  made things easier for us..helps us vent ..and helps us get the right comments from the right ppl..

checking up on ur prof every now n then..can't wait for friday to b here..I'm so excited for u!

1527510 tn?1392301344
by Carly1306, Feb 07, 2013
Oh this rings so true to me. I completely get what you mean about those who look at you weird, I actually find that true for most of my friends. They've not been through the loss of miscarriage, many of them never even been pregnant in the first place and they just don't get it at all. They can say things like chin up, or it just wasn't meant to be and I hate it....it's as bad ad the weird look because they have no idea of how it feels or what it's like for you. Every day is a struggle for me because I see friends and those around just getting in with their lives and be happy and things going right for them and it's not the case for myself (as well as women on here) because we're not getting the life they desperately want...it's just so hard all the time.

I'll also be praying for good results on Friday. I know all will be well :)

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by krichar, Feb 07, 2013
I hope you don't mind me commenting as I'm friends with the 2 ladies above and saw they had. I totally hear you.... When I had my loss at 11/12 weeks (went for nt baby no longer had hb, was measuring 11w3d, after IVF) it changed me and a lot of my friendships. I learned who my real friends were at that point, no one understands or cares how to deal with it. I was ignored and sort of the "elephant in the room"

I think my scream out loud moment was when I was being wheeled to the u/s room to see if there was anymore "tissue" left (did the pill they insert, delivered my baby at home, started hemmraging, went to ER) there was a man obviously new to this country yelling at my orderly looking for the abortion place , with his wife 6ft behind him.... I just wanted to jump out of the bed and beat the [email protected] out of him.

It's such a taboo topic to most or that "how could you be upset.... You didn't know it" but they don't understand the second we see that second line we love that little baby, not "it", they are a part of us. We have hopes and dreams. We have their whole life planned out before we even see their little faces. We not only lose our babies we lose those hopes and dreams.

1527510 tn?1392301344
by Carly1306, Feb 07, 2013
Oh Kricher, you really hit the nail on the head there. That's exactly how it feels.

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by retta483, Feb 07, 2013
Krichar you are so right ! Ive had 2 confirmed miscarriages and several chemicals :(  and i can honestly before i had them I felt bad for people but diddent really know what it was like until I experienced it . during my 12 week m/c my mil picked a fight with me she was staying a few days at our house on vacation anyways she said get over it it happens . my cousin started a fight the day after saying she was glad because i had enough kids we still have not spoken and its been 2 yrs . I think  it changes evrerything . hoping for good news friday for you !!

1609417 tn?1389642778
by haz1104, Feb 07, 2013
Krichar..like Carly said..u really hit the nail there!..but u know what bugs me the most?
when I miscarried the 2nd time a cuz of mine who also miscarried 4 times..looked at me n said.." y ru so sad? u shudn't..it was barely a follicle that was misplaced!" coming from her — A lady who's miscarried "twins" TWICE it felt SO gross and annoying..how cud she treat all these "tiny spirits" like they r "folics" ..I had no words to respond to that honestly LOL...

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by PetiteWonder, Feb 07, 2013
It is really hard.  Someone was posting the other day about how they dont understand why people make such a big deal about delaying sharing their news. She said stop being drama queens and just share the news.. I couldnt believe it. With my loss, I told everyone at 6 weeks, MC didnt feel real to me.  I never oculd imagine it would happen to me, at the time I had never knew anyone to have a MC so it felt so distant.  When I miscarried at 12 weeks, I had to tell everyone and it was so hard every time. There would be people that I hadnt talked to in like 6 months for whatever reason posting on my pictures , I dont see a baby bump.... and I would have to message them about it.  I had a friend make a donation in my name for a christmas present in honour of my new baby (that I never had).  One of the worst parts was having to tell everyone.  Although I will say I wouldnt want no support, I didnt need the whole world knowing.  Because although, I did annouce the pregnancy on facebook, I didnt want to announce the miscarriage..

I tried to describe it to people who would respond well at least there was never a baby (blighted ovum)....  It didnt matter, in my mind for 12 weeks, I thought I was having a baby... There was a baby even if it was only in my mind..

I had a mom that i do playdates now with when miscarriage came up and I was trying to talk to her about my situation and how it made me fearful to try again.. She kept saying it didnt matter and that she had two miscarriages... two miscarriages are way worst than one so I should be fine...  The way she kept saying it felt like a competition.

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