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2 yr old terror- HELP

Mar 18, 2008 - 12 comments

i have a soon to be 3 yr old boy who throws major tantrums when ever he dont get his way he'll throw himself on the floor  and scream like hes being hurt (and for up to 3 hours) and lash out and hit his twins sister , me and our dogs and throw things (and hes beeing doing this for like 2 weeks) and  i've tried everything i can think of from time out on the wall to time out in his room to taking his fav things aways to screaming back and nothing works and i'm getting frustrated to the point that when they go to bed i cry

please reply with any advice

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Avatar universal
by momof2boys1979, Mar 19, 2008
I understand. But I really think this is typical with the age. He may want the attention of it all. For sure, don't yell at him. That is exactly the opposite of what he needs. I know its hard, but just stop- think about what you should do next. Asking him what might be wrong will help. Just talk to him.

Avatar universal
by pixi30, Mar 19, 2008
Did something happen 2 weeks ago? Anyone get sick, a relative pass away? Something in a play group or child care? Think very hard. Maybe an argument between you and your spouse? Children react in very primal ways.
Or, is it possible that he is getting his 2 year molars late or suffering from an ear infection. Rule all of this out. I have 3 very small boys and I can give you very good advice, however, first you must eliminate any possible reason for this changed behavior. I understand the tears after everyone is bed! It is your only time to reflect and really let all of the days frustrations flood in. Good luck, if you cannot pinpoint anything that could have set him off track, send another message and I will be happy to offer constructive advice.

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by tiffanytwins, Mar 19, 2008
i have no idea why hes doing this nothing any different has happened  and i dont yell (i tryed it for likea day or 2) it didnt work so i stopped what i have been doing is leaving him alone in his room and let him scream it out! then go in when hes done and tell him i dont like when he does that and if something it wrong for him to use his words and tell me and that he hurts my heart  by acting out..

i dont know if it is typical but he hasnt always been like his (he get lots of attention (( he and his twin are my only kids))and i'm a stay at home mom...
if it is i hope he will grow out of it !!!

what do you suggest i do when hes flipping out???

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by tiffanytwins, Mar 19, 2008
please keep in mind sometime its for no reason noone did or said anything to him its not only when he dont get his own way

please tell me its a faze and he'll grow out of it

Avatar universal
by bumbunch, Mar 19, 2008
I can definately relate. My oldest daughter is almost 10, stepdaughter is 8, and son is 3. My three year old is alot like yours. The funny thing, my daughter was the complete opposite. I worked full time when my oldest was born, she went to daycare, but my 3 year old, I have stayed home with. She was a wonderful and easy child, and he is total opposite of her. Now she has been diagnosed with adhd for the last 3 years, and sometimes I wonder about my little one. I've asked the doctors because he is always all over the place, they tell me that he will probably outgrow it. Lord I hope so, it is a scary thought of him being in school like he is now. But honestly, whenever he is not around us, with family or sitters, he does great for them. So, I don't know what it is. But he torments his sisters every chance he gets, and lately has been throwing tantrums when he doesn't get his way. We have tried talking to him, doesn't get very far. Time out hasn't been productive either. So lately we have just simply ignored his tantrums, we let him run to his room or do whatever, and don't acknowledge him until he can calm down. I don't know if this is the best or not, but it does seem to work better.

Avatar universal
by tdub321, Mar 19, 2008
This is a straight copy and paste from another post -- but it could apply here.  

"Classic power struggle.  Must be KILLING you!!

Sometime when he's not throwing a tantrum, start introducing feelings.  Introduce MAD and show him mad faces and fists and stomping feet and other ways to show you can be mad.  Make it silly and fun, use a mirror.  Talk about happy.  Teach happy face and talk about things that make him happy, like favorite toys, books, songs, or characters.  

Next time he gets mad, (dodge the fists LOL) and join with him in his fury.  "You are MAD!  You wanted that toy!  Mommy said no!  That made you SO mad!! I would be MAD TOO. " Be very animated, show him your mad fists and mad face and become a true actress. Let him know a) what he's feeling b) why he's feeling it and c) that you understand.  Use short, simple sentences and language you are certain he understands.  If he bites or hits, stay calm and firmly stick with it -- "You are MAD.  You can NOT bite.  You can stomp your feet.  You can make a fist. "

If he becomes receptive, use simple language to redirect him, still being acutely aware of his emotions.  Give him options on what to do instead of whatever activity has triggered the tantrum.  "You are MAD!  You can NOT play with mommy's phone. You can play with YOUR phone or ride your bike. Choose."  If he's mad because he has to stop playing to go to dinner, you can give him "fun" options like jumping like a bunny to the dinner table, or flying like superman.  If he can't calm down, you can give him the option of being mad in his room / timeout or [insert soemthing way more fun here].  You will probably have to choose for him several times before he figures out that he is "in control" of the situation when he chooses himself.  

Another tactic is to try to avoid the tantrums (haha!).  Keep a journal.  What set him off?  Is there another way to approach the situation?  Can you come up with a way to avoid it next time without him "controlling" you?  If he's getting mad because he wants something you can't give him, offer him acceptable choices in its place, and make them something he actually cares about or that are similar enough to pass off to a 2-year old.  Offer choices whenever possible, even if they're ridiculous sometimes.  "You can sit at the table or go to time-out.  Choose"  He may sometimes choose time-out, in which case, you should take him there, because he chose it.  Realizing that he makes a choice that affects his little life makes him feel in control, which is the cause of a lot of tantrums -- feeling completely out of control.  If he's not using enough language, you may have to show him two toys or point to the places that he can go.  

In some cases, you just have to pick your battles.  Obviously, you can't let him do something dangerous, play with expensive things, etc.  But if he just wants to run around with your water bottle, who's it going to kill?  Your sanity may be worth giving in on the small stuff as long it's not blatantly "getting away" with something.  

Whatever you do, do it consistently and never let him tell you what to do.  If he says go away, DON'T.  He is 2.  He has no idea that he doesn't rule the world.  That is what this year is all about, haha!  Show him that he doesn't get to tell you what to do.  You tell him what he CAN'T do and give him options about what he CAN do instead.  

Good luck, my heart goes out to you! "

Avatar universal
by daycarelady911, Mar 20, 2008
i am a strong  proponent of  structure in a child's life.   they strive on it and will be more well behaved with a  routine and when they know what to expect.  how is your day structured?  can the children expect to have snack  at 9am, crafts and  learning for maybe 1 hour, then outdoor  play while you prepare for  lunch  by 11:30 am nap at noon. up by 2:30p  Snack by   3p outdoor play or indoor free play and dance after snack,maybe time with Daddy at the park oor something else while you do supper prep, bath after supper then story then  bed (kids need  10 -12 hours of good night time sleep).  be sure he is getting this.  Have you ever watched Supper Nanny on  Wednesday nights?  She has some wonderful techniiques on handling  out of control children.  check it out.

my best to you!

Avatar universal
by aura_bryt, Mar 20, 2008
well i know this is a old one and it is really hit or miss but with these fits lasting this long have you thought of splashing a little water in your childs face just to shock him out of it. my mother used a spray bottle on mist from the fridge just to shock my cousion but you seem to be at the anything is worth a shot point.

Avatar universal
by angelartina, Dec 14, 2008
My son would do the same type of things and always needed everything to be just so. We found out that he has a severe gluten allergy through a stool test. This causes brain dysfunction and therefor bad or difficult behavior. You might want to have him tested.

Avatar universal
by angelartina, Dec 14, 2008
Gluten allergy! Most likely. for stool testing. You'd be surprised!!

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by tiffanytwins, Dec 18, 2008
i do watch super nanny and have tried the spray bottle thing hes not accepting  anything i give him choices he rather scream
i havent had him tested as of yet for any allergies
the doctors are thinking it might be adhd but dont yet wanna test him im talking with cpri to see what they can find as reasons for these behaviours
we have a pretty structured day  and i have kept journals and i cant find reason for them but i now know when he'll loose it over nothing  he has 2 of these every day one at 10 - 10 30am and one between 1- 2 pm some days are worse then others but i have learned to not try to calm him cause more i talk more he screams so i simply take him away from his sister or company and we'll go into bathroom when were out or his room when were home and ill stand there and let him freak and tell him when hes done we will continue with out plan and ill just stand and watch but not say a thing to him this seems to help for now hes flip outs are not as long as they were when i first posted this although hes temper during these flip outs are worse he'll now hit swear bite anything to get a reaction so i simply dont give him one and he seems to get bored with it and stop they will still last 30 mins to an hour but hey thats alot better the 2 and 3 hours lol

thanks for all the advice its good to know im not alone in things like this

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by DIANA_RIVERA, May 06, 2009


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