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Day 1 of rehab 12/20/2012

Feb 14, 2013 - 0 comments
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opiate addiction



Dear journal
I was admitted yesterday around 3 PM, knees aching in pain, eyes bulding with fear, and stomach pains that make me want to plunge a knife into my chest so i don't have to think about the stomach pain. Will took me over (house manager) to the house where we stay. I met mostly everyone in the rehab. Including me there are 13 people in the house. Will gave me some tips on how to make this my only time in rehab. I better listen I thought, I don;t know what to expect, but there are better places to be, I don;t want to come back. Within the first week, I'll need to find a sponsor at an NA or AA meeting. I signed PPWK, learned the house rules and so on. I also had a meeting with my new counselor. She got my drug history. She asked me all kinds of specific questions which i was in no mood to answer. I don't even know how accurate i was since i couldn't focus. It would've been easier if she asked me which drugs i didnt use instead of which ones i did use.  We had a group at New insights later that night. It was horrible. I was so dopesick, since I wasn't gonna see the doctor, till 7 PM. People were talking to me, but i was in no mood to socialize. Every neuron in my brain was screaming for my fix. That was one of the longest hours of my life. Eventually the dr came in and said "wheres our dopesick looking kid." I sprouted up so fast my head nearly hit the ceiling. He brought me in his office, asked me the ins and outs, how much i used, how long, etc.. Then he gave me the test, measuring how dope sick i was. So he put me on a 9 day taper. All i could think about was feeling better right now. Then after that, i had yoga class. My head is so clouded, how did i get here? should i just say **** it? how did i let myself tumble this far? Im a fuckup, good for nothing. I miss...me.

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