All Journal Entries Journals

Whatever

Mar 06, 2009 - 2 comments

Boss being shtty led to mini-breakdown, a sick day and a visit to my gp.  He is really sensitve to my bp and pressed on me to take care of myself and remember that I am "fragile" even though I don't want to be.  He is right. He gave me some suggestions and I'm working on them because I think they are good ideas, although not easy.

I am still sleepinig almost all the time I am not at work.  doc is testing my thyroid levels.  I honest sleep hard and I don't always feel that depressed.  I'm hoping the thyroid test shows something  because maybe that wil be easier to treat.

Today my boss is a btch again- we have a half-day at our school and everyone goes out to eat because we have an extra long lunch period.  And.....NO ONE invited me to join them.  Even my stinkin' boss snuck out with a group.  (I caught her trying to slink away.)
I tell my therapist that I believe I am meant to be alone, and she tells me other clinets say the same thing.  She belives it is insecurity or something, but I really believe it.  If my old friend wasn't back in my life this past month I can't imagine how down and lonely life would be right now.  He's borrowed my car and is picking me up from work today.  Thank God I have another person and part of my life that is better than work.  

I like my work with the kids, but I am starting to think that getting out of this catty back-biting, can't-trust-anyone workplace with a boss who is increasingly abusive may be the way I'm going to have to go fairly soon.
I've been thinking the opposite until the last couple of weeks. Thinking no change for a while would be best.
Next week is Spring break - maybe I can get something positive going on.  Have three more hours to be here.  Just gotta hang on, I guess.

Mood Tracker
Comments
Post a Comment
Avatar universal
by RJ233, Mar 07, 2009
Liz, I know that feeling of being alone. I have a house full of people and may as well be on a island, deserted. I don't know that it is insecurity. My son loves being alone with no one to bother him. I like to have someone to share my time with. It seems everyone has somewhere else to be, or something else to do. I feel like a flower on the wall.
I know it bothers you dealing with the people you work with, but it is like that in many work places. Why people aren't nicer I do not know. I have always felt that if I see someone that is alone, they need a friendly face and go to them. I have thought just like you. I am meant to be alone. I have a husband, but I am still alone. I had a boss that was suppose to be a great friend. He used me until I got tired of it and quit. I took a lower paying job, even loss my weekends off. I hated that job and really liked what I did but after 13 years of doing my job and his and being paid less than I should have, it was enough. It strengthened my opinion when I overheard him tell the amount he was offering to a new hire starting much more than I was making at that time and I was offered vacation that I was going to get anyway if I stayed. Maybe she treats you like that because she is afraid of the competition. They worry sometimes a good worker will take their job. Every time she would make her snide remarks or whatever, I would give her a great big smile. It will blow her mind. She will wonder what is going on in your head. She will wonder if you know something she doesn't and she will worry about her own job. Do the smurky smile thing for a while, non stop and see if it gets her goat. Think of something funny so you can smile, even a little chuckle to add the whipped topping. Let me know how you are doing.

605458 tn?1539228808
by PenelopeAnn, Mar 07, 2009
I believe we have times in our lives when we are meant to be alone, but I don't think that is the same thing you are talking about. What I mean is- you feel you are meant to be alone in spite of your desire for companionship. Like you aren't meant to have what other people have simply because you are you, you believe you are intrinsically different and maybe don't believe you deserve it. Do you think that is it? When my self-esteem was at its lowest I felt I didn't *deserve* friendship. When it improved some I just didn't believe anyone would want to be associated with me. Now that my self esteem is higher I find myself desiring friends and maybe even a romantic relationship, but I secluded myself for so long the social anxiety disorder really has a grip on me.

Of all places...I volunteered at the Humane Society thinking it would be therapeutic, but a few nasty rude people ruined it for me and I stopped. Do what you need to do to keep as sane as you can.

Your experience with the coworkers leaving to eat without out you...I feel you on that one. I never know if it is real or if my social anxiety has me paranoid and there is another explanation. I am so afraid of the very thing you describe happening. It would be disheartening and would cause me to question every move and word I made and others made. I definitely would start judging myself severely. I've been in this situation when I lived a dorm in college. A group of friends severed ties and then talked about me, laughed at me when I walked down the halls, snuck around to avoid me. It was miserable- and I wasn't imagining things. Don't let these people get you down. Think of plan and focus on that, not them.

Post a Comment