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Why lie?  

Mar 24, 2009 - 129 comments

Well, I've never taken time to formally invite friends here, so I'm not sure who will even find this journal.  Just wondering about the concept of lying...

Why lie?  I'm not talking about little lies (telling someone I lost 3 pounds when I lost 2.4, for example).  I'm talking about bigger things...about your job, your education, your income, etc...

Especially why lie to an online community of people who know you but don't really 'know' you?  I've seen people here get caught in lies before, and I'm watching another one unfold right now .  I just don't get it.

Any thoughts?

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377493 tn?1356505749
by adgal, Apr 05, 2009
I wonder about this myself.  I have heard some whoppers here, and sadly I usually get sucked right in.  It usually takes someone else to point out to me the inconsistancies in stories, etc.  The only thing I can really come up with is a need for attention.  I find myself feeling really sorry for these people, as I think they must have rather lonely lives and craving attention, and to feel better about themselves.  Most probably could do with some therapy.  What's upsetting is that many will reach out to these people (as in my experience) most of there stories are about horrible things happening to them.  It's really hurtful. I know I have actually shed tears for some of the experiences they claim to have had or be having.  It really makes you much more hesitant to extend yourself to others.  I hate being played for a fool.  I suspect I may know which lie you are speaking of here, as the timing is right.  If it is the same one, I think it had to do with a need for attention, and sympathy.  Sad.

365714 tn?1292202708
by MJIthewriter, Apr 05, 2009
I've cought a few lies myself, but to go into further detail and elaborate would cause more strife than good. It came from people who misread my messages/pms and came back to me and told me I said such and such without even giving me any clue to the context. I wish if people didn't understand something I wrote or if they took it as an offense, that they would pm me and ask!  I don't bite...seriously...okay maybe when I am hungry/got pms and someone's got some chocolate, but even so don't be afraid to ask me if something I write doesn't make sense!  I am human after all, and sometimes things I write read better in my head than what comes out.

208686 tn?1293034103
by pcarsey, Apr 05, 2009
Lack of security in ones life. If they were confident and secure in themselves they would have no need to lie.

203342 tn?1328740807
by April2, Apr 05, 2009
I think the others said it. It's ego, wanting to look better, I guess.
I can't do it! My conscience would bother me too much! I get more in trouble, sometimes, because of how honest I am! I've gotten hurt because of my honesty at times. It does make one vulnerable. But I have peace knowing I have nothing to hide and that's all I need!  

377493 tn?1356505749
by adgal, Apr 05, 2009
I was thinking about this over my coffee this morning.  What's quite amazing to me is some of the major ones that I found out about have been so incredibly elaborate.  I mean, they must have done research!!  Others it was obvious they hadn't had that experience as what they claim just doesn't happen that way. (I hope I made sense there..lol).  But some are just unbelievable...well thought out, obviously researched, and a lot of time and energy looks like it went into it.  I really don't think I will ever fully understand.  

187666 tn?1331176945
by ireneo, Apr 05, 2009
I've been drawn into sob stories as well. It's a tough line to walk: be sensitive and caring or be cynical and question every tragic story that comes by. If I'm suspicious, I'll answer once and then wait to see how it unfolds. I don't want to accuse someone of lying if they're really having a horrible time. You just never know, just like the homeless person on the street asking for change.

As for lying, I've seen people do it primarily for attention or to hide something they've done wrong. My Mom is an attention getter but I'm not sure she even realizes she's exaggerating to the point of lying. It's sad. The doctor has told her there's nothing wrong with her heart but she's convinced her heart is bad and she tells people she's had 2 heart attacks. I don't embarrass her and correct her; I know why she's doing it.

I still think it's better to err on the side of compassion. Even if we share concern and encouragement for a faker, we've done the right thing and have nothing to be ashamed of unlike the liar.

547913 tn?1317359267
by jimi1822, Apr 05, 2009
To err is human, To forgive "Divine" =0)

Avatar universal
by teababy, Apr 05, 2009
Whaaaaaat? I guess there's fakes and snakes everywhere! My gosh! Well as long as they don't cross my path I'm good thanks for the heads up. Whoever they are .... .. ...

189192 tn?1261345228
by Tanker Chic, Apr 05, 2009
It is just one of those things that some people do. I don't think you can make sense out of it.  

171768 tn?1324233699
by tiredbuthappy, Apr 05, 2009
I lived with someone for a full year before I learned her entire life was a lie. It was my college roommate and we were very close. She lied about EVERYTHING. And not just to us- even to her boyfriend. Horrible lies. She had us convinced she had Hodgkins Disease. She told heartbreaking stories of going through chemo and radiation, about going with her mom to pick out her coffin. She got pregnant (supposedly) and told us she had to get an abortion because the doctors said the chemo resulted in a malformed fetus. Her poor boyfriend- he took her to the appointment. She would go home on breaks and pretend to get treatments. Her boyfriend never once went in with her to any appointment, even the consultation for the abortion. Should've raised red flags. He never heard her discuss her illness in front of her family. We did finally learn the truth about many things.
We noticed smaller lies throughout the months, but it took us a very long time to realize that someone can lie about something so tragic. After a while, all of her stories became hard to keep track of. Friends comparing notes noticed huge discrepancies. Things spiraled out of control and her lies grew more frequent, and pointless. As if she were lying for the sake of lying. We are convinced she was/is very sick. I read up on histrionic personality disorder and and describes her well. She always had dramatic tales, always had to be the center of attention. Even though i cut her out of my life 8 years ago, i still have trouble believing that someone could do what she did. She was definitely mentally ill.  

689265 tn?1251133687
by worriedbabe, Apr 05, 2009
there are a few mental illnesses that are linked with ' unecessary lying ' - what i call a lie that isn't a white lie. i hope i've not been lied to on here!

Avatar universal
by tbeards, Apr 05, 2009
I agree with all of you and I have found some consistencies between these horrible people... I am onto one as well right now and they are back-tracking their situation by saying everything was a blur. I mean really, if you had such a horrible thing happen, wouldn't it burn in your memory? I was in the hospital with major bleeding at 29-1/2 weeks and I remember every dang minute...

The characteristics I found with the fakers are below. Each one by itself isn't necessarily an indicator but if you get two or more I call it fake:

1.) They go into GREAT detail about their situation, loss, etc. This is where I get skeptical.
2.) They post it to multiple forums or "guide" people from multiple forums to their journal.
3.) They post right after the "event" happened. I mean really, if you had such a tragic event happen, wouldn't you wait a a few days or so???
4.) After the "event" happened they post a weird status that doesn't relate what-so-ever to their situation (i.e. "Went shopping today and found lot of great stuff" - made that up so I don't call anyone out)
5.) They do not have a lot of info in their profile besides posts and journals (no pictures, profile pic, etc.) and/or are new members.
6.) They have A LOT of other drama on their journals besides the forums they are members of (i.e. domestic abuse, etc.). This drama is common sense stuff like, "my husband pushed me around last night, what should I do"...
7.) They don't get the medical stuff right like what doctors would do in their situation for their gestation as an example.

I guess the question is, what do you do about it??? I have resorted to either not responding to their posts, simply saying, "sorry for your loss" and that is it or if they say that people are calling them a liar, I point out why people may think so so they know I am on to them without getting into the drama.

These people make me so mad because there are so many wonderful women on these boards that have had losses and I can't imagine it wouldn't make some of them remember the bad stuff.

That is my $.02...

Avatar universal
by pertykitty, Apr 05, 2009
i imagine someone's life could be so sad or so boring or so out of control maybe telling others its so great makes them feel better for  a short time.  its like that brad paisley song where he tells everyone online he is a smart and rich hunk, but really is a short and chubby loser who lives with his mom lol.  

i dont care if someone wants to say they have money or nice things or go to hollywood events lol.  its those that use tragedy and con us out of emotions that get me fired up.

176741 tn?1295237589
by 2ndBaby, Apr 05, 2009
My, I'm surprised so many of you found your way over to my journal.  Interesting thoughts...

I, myself, have decided not to respond to what I believe to be a lie.  I think the person is doing it for attention and so I refuse to give any attention to it.  I guess their lie isn't really affecting me negatviely so I don't need to dwell on them.  Or so I tell myself...

794496 tn?1351044155
by Leatha, Apr 05, 2009
I agree pookie1121 it is a very interesting thread. I have not been around this community long enough to run across any fakes, (or maybe I'm not savvy enough to recognize them) the whole idea is just so foreign to me.  This site has been an opportunity to be totally frank and honest.  I personally have kept so many of my private issues private that this forum is a place where I can share with others who are like minded and totally understanding.  I feel sorry for those people who have to create the "drama" and lie to get attention and I agree with ireneo that we can show compassion but not get drawn into the drama, we can genuinely express concern and then move on to someone who really need our support.

177465 tn?1288242063
by rubyolivia, Apr 05, 2009
Lying online. One can make up anything she/he wants about themselves to make their life more exciting and no one will ever know the difference. Until you tell so many lies that they mount up on top of each other, swirl around in a big circle and come back to bite you in the a*s. Then all friends are lost and you realize that this is probably why the only friends that you have live inside your PC.

Email me.

Avatar universal
by spade22, Apr 05, 2009
I have been wondering the same thing recently too.

I have a good friend who lives out of state and told me she got pregnant last year.  At the time she was divorced from her husband and was going to have artificial insemination.  Long story short, he visited her, she got pregnant and they got back together trying to work things out and seeing a counselor.  Throughout her pregnancy, she has been telling me about her pregnancy symptoms and fears of the birthing process.  She recently posted on her FB account that her baby was born on April 1st 2009, 1 month early but there were no pictures.  There internet being the wealth of information it is, I decided to Google her baby's name in the event I might find a picture (sometimes hospitals post pictures of baby's w/ parents permission).  Low and behold I found a blog by my friend detailing how they had used a surrogate mother in India to bear their child!

I have great difficulty trying to reason WHY she would lie about something like this - I dont care how, or who carried her child and I would never judge over something like that.  What  bothers me are all her intertwined lies - the implication that she got pregnant in an almost rape-like situation - her ex-husband (at that time) got drink "ripped her clothes off" and had sex with her.  Then, they were going to counseling to work things out despite the fact he was controlling, "buried gold in the yard" as a result of paranoia, brought a gun out of nowhere and was target practicing which was out of character.  Unfortunately, this means I dont know WHAT parts of her stories and true......

Like Tiredbuthappy, I just dont understand how someone I came to trust could construct such horrid lies (although this isnt in the same league as Tireds room mate) and I also believe there is some degree of mental illness that explains this.  Either that or the fact her baby was born on April 1st was very fitting.

176741 tn?1295237589
by 2ndBaby, Apr 05, 2009
Then all friends are lost and you realize that this is probably why the only friends that you have live inside your PC.

Oh so true, Ruby!!!!!

134578 tn?1546634665
by AnnieBrooke, Apr 05, 2009
Spade, why would she use a surrogate mother in India?  There are plenty of women in the U.S. who act as surrogates.  Do you think her blog was a bunch of fibs too?

800427 tn?1324949319
by Sunkissed19, Apr 05, 2009
wow, this is a very interesting conversation going on here. im fairly new to this website but i already love all the support and openness people give here...and i just dont understand why some people would want to mess with that, its unfair to the women with real problems...its like mocking them. having a miscarriage is a very sad thing and a lot of people feel deep sympathies with it...why on earth would you want to fake something like that..its like slapping everyone who's ever had one in the face..if you've had a miscarriage you dont want people to feel bad for you and you def dont want the extra attention..all you want is a little extra love and someone to talk to...(i've never had a miscarriage im just assuming). neway i have a liar story as well. a girl i went to highschool with always seemed to have super dramatic things going on in her life all the time..especially with her boyfriend. so one week her and her boyfriend broke up and he started dating someone else then she started telling girls in our class that she was pregnant and worried sick blah blah and her boyfriend found out and broke up with his current girlfriend and got back together with the drama queen..which is why he broke up with her in the first place..because she was a drama queen. but anyway he got back together with her thinking he was going to be a dad...she even went as far as to tell teachers about it! and one day she brought an ultra sound pic to school...printed out on white computer paper with the bottom half cut off..haha to hide the url...anyway when people started questioning she faked a miscarriage and got really depressed and got sympathy of the teachers again. it was a mess but today she's still doing these kinds of things..but now shes really pregnant with some random guys baby and shes back together for like the 400th time with the highschool bf and supposedly he's going to father this child. how i found out she was lying...i saw her birth control patch on her butt when she bent down and her whole thong showed in class....haha gotta love highschool drama!

Avatar universal
by 1nana, Apr 05, 2009
To Annie,

Surrogate mothers from India is the new fad, for lack of a better word.

Very inexpensive, compared to the U.S.

689265 tn?1251133687
by worriedbabe, Apr 05, 2009
it is grossly unfair to all of us who are genuine, emotionally for us and - what if we miss an important genuine post dealing with someone's pack of lies? i wish it didn't happen. the fact it does means we now don't know who to trust and when.

Avatar universal
by spade22, Apr 05, 2009
annie:

these are the reasons on her blog:

-its significantly cheaper to get a surrogate in India
-multiple surrogates are used at the same time so eggs are not frozen
-one particular clinic in India has a very high success rate (higher than most clinics in the US)

689265 tn?1251133687
by worriedbabe, Apr 05, 2009
multiple surrogates at the same time...hmmm, and what if there are multiple successes?

Avatar universal
by spade22, Apr 05, 2009
Back to the original subject: I agree with others, after awhile you can "spot a troll".  Who knows why these people do it - kids/adults looking to stir up some trouble as they think its fun, someone mentally disturbed, someone wanting attention, someone with a vendetta for something that happened in the past......

800427 tn?1324949319
by Sunkissed19, Apr 05, 2009
im with worriedbabe....what happens if there are multiple successes?

782368 tn?1244858067
by Leah09, Apr 05, 2009
I came to this site because i needed to get informed about my upcoming hysterectomy i guess talking with other women in the same boat as me.I do not understand people who feel the need to lie about being sick etc.It is just dumbfounding to me.I have received allot of answers and encouragement on theses pages I just hope this does not doscourage the ladies whom really need advice here.


Leah09.

334776 tn?1249972181
by jesslee83, Apr 05, 2009
i just happened upon your journal while in the maternal forum.
my 1st husband and i had a friend like this(in fact she's such a drama queen, i have a 3 day old blog about her on my myspace-hehe there's a good reason for it trust me!)...in 2002 when me and my 1st husband got married, we allowed her and her hub to move in, b/c we all "thought" she was pregnant with twins(she had a sonogram with her name on it, and a valid clinic), etc etc.....well, one morning i wake up after we all went rounds about them not paying bills, and she was gone. her stuff wasn't but she wasn't....i called her and she said that that morning she'd lost the twins in our bathroom...i asked her when and she said when DH was leaving for work. i asked her why she didn't tell him so we could take her to the ER(she was allegedly 4 months along!)...she said she didn't want to impose!  i told her i'd get her stuff and hung up(i was upset for her but knew something was up)...sure enough, i see ALL the ultrasounds on her dresser, and they were dated for 15 months earlier! dated for the twins she'd lost a month after they were married! i didn't say anything, but apparently everyone knew...2 days later she was in the club drunk.....and her drunken husband decked me! i talked to her parents and they even felt she was lying b/c of marital problems. exactly 5 months later when me and my husband went on a date the day we got divorced(yea i'm weird), she was out on the dance floor holding her belly, loking at most 4 months pregnant(see the trend in 4 months?), laughin about how if "this baby wants to come, he can come!"...a month later, she had a stillborn? in 2004, they finally had a daughter.....her daughter was born 2 1/2 months preemie, has autism, several immune issues etc.....i know this is wrong, but i've wondered if the issues her dear, gorgeous daughter has, aren't somehow indirectly related to the lies her mom told. like a karma thing. her daughter is awesome.....but it's just way to fantastic.....now her husband is in the military for the 2nd time, and allegedly has PTSD, and has to have of these meds, and how sad her life is etc.....her entire life is a "see me, pity me, i have so much on my plate, so many woes".....

please don't be upset as to what i said about her daughter.....a friend of mine who is a very religious person, who stated the karma thing, and about how God does what he does. i just kind of tend to agree with my friend.....

460185 tn?1326081372
by lonewolf07, Apr 05, 2009
If you're asking why people lie on MH in particular, IMHO it's because they can and because even if a person is caught in a lie, the worst consequence they can face is being banned.  However, some liars can cause those of us who believe them to be so emotionally hurt that we can't trust other MH members who are not liars.

Sometimes I think that being honest can cause more harm than lying.  I believe that humility is a virtue, a good thing but others see that as low self-esteem so do I "lie" or pretend to be something I'm not or risk hearing the "low self-esteem" thing.




203342 tn?1328740807
by April2, Apr 05, 2009
I hear ya, lonewolf! I've thought the same thing. My honesty may be considered a "weakness" to others or even foolishness because I might show a vulnerability and my humanness but I don't care! The only one I really care what He thinks of me is the Lord, Himself. If others can't accept me or disagrees with me, that's fine. I'm not just going to go along with the crowd or do things that I know are wrong. I will always stand up for what I believe in even if it means I'm standing alone. Someday I will have to answer to a higher judge and He's the one I will answer to. I don't want to be ashamed when I meet Him face to face. I want my conscience clear.

689265 tn?1251133687
by worriedbabe, Apr 05, 2009
I'm not 100% about the clues. I take a few hours to digest what my dr/tech/midwife has said and then that's when any questions i may have tend to rise, so i often post same day or day after the event. i suffered domestic abuse for 9 years and though i've never gone onto detail about it on here, i'm sure i've mentioned it - it's only natural because something that traumatic doesn't leave you overnight. I'm also pretty sure that when i was told i had bleeds in and under the amniotic sac i DID go into as much detail as possible, but in order to get as much accurate and relevant information as possible. i haven't fully completed my profile because i simply haven't felt motivated to. i've only ever spotted one troll and to be honest i wish i hadn't stumbled across this comment now because there are obviously so many more around that there's a distinct air of mistrust that could touch a lot of genuine people.

203342 tn?1328740807
by April2, Apr 05, 2009
Well, I look at it this way. Yes, I've had a few break my trust on here but I won't let it make me bitter toward mankind and not trust again, because then they've won, you know? I try to remember they're human and we don't know their situation. I sometimes feel sorry for them. After all, what would cause someone to make up elaborate stories and lie like that? What kind of life do they have to do something like that? They must be a very lonely person who probably doesn't have a lot of friends. I'm not excusing their behavior just trying to understand what would cause someone to do something like that. It is hard to understand but I try to see the best in everybody. I have become a bit more cautious but I'm not going to let a few spoil the possibilities of making friendships with those who aren't like that. Most of the people I've met on this site have been wonderful and very helpful. Those are the ones I'm going to focus on.

Avatar universal
by lovethebops, Apr 05, 2009
Tiredbuthappy, are we the same person,lol?? I could not agree more with all your points! You said everything I would, also tbeards, your points are exactly what I look for, when something does not add up.


What I hate (and I am sure this has happened to other old timers, back before the profiles/PM'ing, so on)..is when you would question, just question a story that seemed irrational and out of line, and YOU get yelled at for EVEN questioning the 'poor' troll. I hate to see when some women get sucked in to some of the incredible 'stories' that pop up here, and they NEVER stop to question it, even when it seems irrational. I mean, this is the internet, you absolutely CANNOT trust everything you read or see..I am skeptic by nature, so unless I really know someone, or have built a pretty secure relationship (over the years I have been here-I think the 'particulars' find one another ;)(mooo), I question almost everything..or I don't get sucked in so easily, I should say.

176741 tn?1295237589
by 2ndBaby, Apr 05, 2009
I don't set out to catch people in lies...this one just fell into my lap, so to speak.  I guess I remember too many details people share-more than they must remember about themselves.  That's the trouble with lies and why I wonder people feel they must do so.  I guess I agree with lonewolf and the low-esteem theory.  Perhaps you can morph yourself into whatever you want to be in this virtual world?  I'm happy enough and proud enough of who and what I am to not feel I need to do that.

203342 tn?1328740807
by April2, Apr 05, 2009
lovethebops, I know what you're talking about! I remember before they had pm's and journals, etc. It seemed in a way there was less fighting, etc. Maybe because things were out in the open more? I agree with you. When there would be an obvious troll that would send up the red flags, it's hard not to want to warn others when you see them getting all sympathetic and getting pulled into their stories. I can think of a few, myself. I haven't really noticed too many lately. Or maybe they're just getting better at it, I don't know!
Still, I agree with you, 2ndBaby. Lies will catch up with you sooner or later. The more you tell, the more you have to tell to cover yourself. I would think it would get exhausting and worrisome. Wouldn't the person worry about whether what they said? It would drive me crazy!

365714 tn?1292202708
by MJIthewriter, Apr 05, 2009
lovethebops, I agree. It is good to question when in doubt.  With some of closer friends I will do a search and see if anything comes up that backs up their claims.  If I can't trace down anything it may not mean they aren't trustworthy, but it makes it harder for me to know for sure.  If I find info that matches, then I am more inclined to trust than if I didn't have that info.

There was a time I tried to avoid asking questions. That led to dissaster. There was also a time where I started asking questions and probing around to see if some things made sense or not and got into trouble.  I've seen it happen when if you give any kind of constructive critism, or ask questions that some people will immediatly cut you off, jump the block feature, and get their friends involved against whoever is the one questioning. They may go around making the questioner look like the bad person for questioning.... I used to let such people control my feelings, but no more.

Right now where I am, I want to be more cautous.  I don't want to do the same mistakes I made over and end up with more hassle. I want to know who I can trust and devote time to, and who I am better off leaving alone.

299260 tn?1304219705
by mommyin10, Apr 05, 2009
Wow, what a great topic & discussion. I feel like some of us are thinking about the same person! HaHa!  (tbeards, your checklist is spot on!) But I guess there are quite a few of those trolls on here...  I totally agree that although some people find the need to lie to the rest of us who honestly care for one another, it's best just to ignore them.  Obviously they are unhappy & desperately seeking any kind of attention, whether it's genuine concern or calling them out. If you have a doubt, just wait it out & eventually it'll all unfold, as many of us have seen...  The handful of dishonest people on here can't even put a dent in the wonderful experience I've found on this forum.  There are so many helpful & amazing women on here & I value the relationships I've formed! =)

599170 tn?1300977493
by Cherie762, Apr 05, 2009
mommyo9 I think you summed it up really well...the trolls or scandal creators feed off our attention...its best to give them none, total ignore.....yes they are sad and if they could admit or face their real problems we got forums for them....tons of places for the various reasons they may need attention...mental and emotional illnesses are dealt with well on here...its the ones who know better who manipulate,,,ahh its not going to ever stop, so the only way we can change it is to chane the way we react to it.

And no way would I let the few interfere with the many wonderful friends I have found..like April and a few others said it kinda takes some time to really really trust people,,,I got friends on here that I trust completley.gonna maintain my opptimism...

599170 tn?1300977493
by Cherie762, Apr 05, 2009
random and not really related but just thinking when I was a kid my  mom really hated lying taught me that there is never a need for it,,,if I did something bad and told her I was punished less severely than if i lied so  always told on myself,,,,she also gave me some good advice on how to not have to lie ...for example if someone asks you do you like my new dress and you hate it it looks horrible on them ..there is always something true you can say...like "wow flower patterns are really in this year,"  or;" yellow is one of my favorite colors"  etc,,,,,your not lying, pleasing them, and its a easy out...

365714 tn?1292202708
by MJIthewriter, Apr 05, 2009
Cherie762, my mom was like that too. She said she would always go easier on me if I told the truth.

356929 tn?1246393356
by Sandymac, Apr 05, 2009
Just a thought here... Sometimes I wonder about some of these "whoppers" and actually have come to believe that they may be the same person, posting on multiple boards , under multiple names. Some of the stories are very similar-- always tragic, always tear jerkers.. When anyone questions them, even politely, they get extremely defensive ! The behavior is identical.. And,you're right... it truly is sad. They are pathetic and it causes so much mistrust in all the communities ..

365714 tn?1292202708
by MJIthewriter, Apr 05, 2009
Sandymac, that may be. As far as I know the staff have a way of tracking ip addresses of each username.  If two or more accounts come from the same IP that should raise a red flag to the admins.

But what if a person uses dial-up (that has miltiple ip addresses) or uses another computer/ISP entirely?  How would the staff be able to track that?
----------
I share from my own life, no made up stories. I have only this account. If anyone else claims to be me under a different account, PLEASE report that account to the medhelp staff.

547913 tn?1317359267
by jimi1822, Apr 05, 2009
Hey guys, I believe when a person pours their heart out in a journal or post whether their lying or not they need our help.
When I volunteer at ambulance corp we have people who we call "frequent flyers" and we treat them with the same respect
and dignity as we treat any other patient. If a person puts their hand out I will be there. If they are lying well they are only
lying to themselves. Sooner or later it will catch up with them for it is only a matter of time. They still deserve our Prayers
because somewhere deep inside there may be an underlying issue that has never been properly addressed. I believe they are reaching out for help because they don't know where the truth is and they might need some encouragement to come
out of their fantasy shell and bring them into the real world and Light....

                                                                                                                           jimi =0)

460185 tn?1326081372
by lonewolf07, Apr 05, 2009
Why do people lie?  I just don't want anyone to find out I'm really Elvis  = )




377493 tn?1356505749
by adgal, Apr 05, 2009
Awww, Lonewolf, I am so dissapointed. You told me the other day you were the Queen of England, and we were going to have tea!!!!  :)

I agree Jimi, they do deserve our sympathy.  It's just that some of these lies have been so hurtful.  We had a women not long ago on the pregnancy 35+ forum that really stirred it up. So many of us were so sympathic and really put ourselves out to her, worrying about her and her baby.  Some of us actually had a few sleepless nights. People were calling different agencies trying to get her help.  It was all a lie.  She came on under another name pretending to have lost a 3 month old baby.  You can only imagine what this did to one of our members in particular who had recently really lost a baby at 7 weeks.  Fortunately MedHelp did ban her.

Then this women recently, well myself and others shed tears. Claiming to miscarry and describing her situation in such incredible detail...although in hindsight they were details that could not have been true.  I have been through that myself, so again, it hit home and conjured up all sorts of hurtful memories.

I know that they do need help and I do feel sorry for them.  However, I feel even sorrier for those  who are hurt by these lies, either because we truly extend ourselves to them, or because some of us have really experienced situations like theirs, and it can really open up old wounds.  And, I will admit, I have become much more suspicious and skeptical then I used to be.  I guess it shouldn't be taken so personally.  Sometimes it's really hard not to though, when you are on a site like this primarily for support and to give support to others having similar experiences, it can and does get really personal.  

I agree with another poster...go ahead and lie about your career or lifestyle, what you look like, or whatever you want.  But making up tragic stories either for a laugh at others expense or as an attention seeking method, that can and does hurt others.  

Avatar universal
by ccckelc, Apr 05, 2009
hi - i just finished googling this subject and came across this thread. in several of the posts you mentioned knowing people (the roommate) who told horrible lies, and very detailed lies, very tragic lies - did anyone very link this with a "named" mental illness? if so what was it?

Avatar universal
by vhaldez, Apr 06, 2009
Pathological liars are very good at what they do and they choose their victims well. Unfortunately, they can cause breakups, lawsuits etc. I think the best remedy is the truth but they most likely won't stay your friend for long. They need the constant attention or feeling of being right. If you do get caught up in their cycle, your life will be inevitably  "not yours". I don't think these people are happy but they need you. What else would they have? Except maybe, the truth. That must hurt since they don't want it. If it is a specific mental illness, it would take a very strong person to support them; if they were allowed. I knew someone who told everyone that we were best friends for life. Saying and doing extreme things to prove it. Of course, I looked like the liar and many years of my life were ruined. Did she just really really need a best friend? I'll never know.

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by MJIthewriter, Apr 06, 2009
I just remembered an article I read a while ago about pathological liars.  You know it may be related to how their brain is structured?

http://www.usc.edu/uscnews/stories/11655.html

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by Cherie762, Apr 06, 2009
Jimi. you are truely a good and wise man.....wolfe( oh I mean the king of rock) you make me laugh love you !!!

all---gotta say this those who lie like somewho do on here , and especially if the above poster (Sanymac) is onto a correct theory that atleast in one case its a single person mulit- lying you gotta give them credit for being extreamly intelligent....the scary thing ...so was Ted Bundy...alot of very evil people have increadibly high IQ's.

Avatar universal
by tbeards, Apr 06, 2009
I just restricted my photos to friends only so none of the "trolls" can take the pics of my u/s, babies, etc. and pass them off as their own!

Avatar universal
by cirella, Apr 06, 2009
Hi, you may find this interesting.  I did.  Unfortunately, I got it after I'd been taken.

"Munchausen by Internet:
Faking Illness Online
by Marc D. Feldman, M.D
Online Support for People with Illness - The Internet is a medium of choice for millions of people who need health-related information. Medical websites have multiplied exponentially over the past several years. Thousands of virtual support groups have sprung up for those suffering from particular illnesses. Whether formatted as chat rooms, as newsgroups, or in other ways, they offer patients and families the chance to share their hopes, fears, and knowledge with others experiencing life as they are. These online groups can counter isolation and serve as bastions of understanding, deep concern, and even affection.

Unfortunately, cyberspace resources are sometimes deliberately misused by people intent on deceiving others. False product claims in spam are perhaps the best-known example. But even in the relative intimacy of health support groups, individuals may choose to mislead others by pretending to have illnesses they do not. They divert the attention of the group toward their feigned battles with cancer, multiple sclerosis, anorexia nervosa, or other ailments. The eventual discovery of the deceptions can be devastating. One group member called it "emotional rape" to have cared so deeply about a person who lied to her and others from his first post on.

Munchausen by Internet - For decades, physicians have known about so-called factitious disorder, better known in its severe form as Munchausen syndrome (Feldman Ford, 1995). Here, people willfully fake or produce illness to command attention, obtain lenience, act out anger, or control others. Though feeling well, they may bound into hospitals, crying out or clutching their chests with dramatic flair. Once admitted, they send the staff on one medical goose chase after another. If suspicions are raised or the ruse is uncovered, they quickly move on to a new hospital, town, state, or in the worst cases — country. Like traveling performers, they simply play their role again. I coined the terms "virtual factitious disorder" (Feldman, Bibby, Crites, 1998) and "Munchausen by Internet" (Feldman, 2000) to refer to people who simplify this "real-life" process by carrying out their deceptions online. Instead of seeking care at numerous hospitals, they gain new audiences merely by clicking from one support group to another. Under the guise of illness, they can also join multiple groups simultaneously. Using different names and accounts, they can even sign on to one group as a stricken patient, his frantic mother, and his distraught son all to make the ruse utterly convincing.

Clues to Detection of False Claims - Based on experience with two dozen cases of Munchausen by Internet, I have arrived at a list of clues to the detection of factitious Internet claims. The most important follow:

*the posts consistently duplicate material in other posts, in books, or on health-related websites;

*the characteristics of the supposed illness emerge as caricatures;

*near-fatal bouts of illness alternate with miraculous recoveries;

*claims are fantastic, contradicted by subsequent posts, or flatly disproved;

*there are continual dramatic events in the person's life, especially when other group members have become the focus of attention;

*there is feigned blitheness about crises (e.g., going into septic shock) that will predictably attract immediate attention;

*others apparently posting on behalf of the individual (e.g., family members, friends) have identical patterns of writing.

Lessons - Perhaps the most important lesson is that, while most people visiting support groups are honest, all members must balance empathy with circumspection. Group members should be especially careful about basing their own health care decisions on uncorroborated information supplied in groups. When Munchausen by Internet seems likely, it is best to have a small number of established members gently, empathically, and privately question the author of the dubious posts. Even though the typical response is vehement denial regardless of the strength of the evidence, the author typically will eventually disappear from the group. Remaining members may need to enlist help in processing their feelings, ending any bickering or blaming, and refocusing the group on its original laudable goal."

Avatar universal
by lovethebops, Apr 06, 2009
cirella-interesting article. I think that about nails down every situation that has been encountered here on MH so far, since I have been here anyway...

Especially that last part-about family member's posting....Does anyone else remember the poster who, I think, if my memory serves me, had a miscarriage or something and lost the baby, and then *apparently* died herself during the ordeal and then her "Twin sister" came back and posted under her profile,(as the twin) letting everyone know that her sister AND the baby had died?..(I believe that was the pregnancy ablation thread, several months back, maybe it was last year?)..Like that even makes sense!! A poor lady is on her death bed after losing her baby and of the things she could say to her 'twin sister' was to make sure she went right home, log into MH, complete with her password, and let everyone know what was happening or had happened...UMMM, no, that makes NO sense, duh!

Show of hands, how many of you have even told other family members about being a member here at MH? Anyone???

DH knows, and that is about it...if something happens to me, I will sure to have him post immediately after!!**rolls eyes sarcastically**

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by April2, Apr 06, 2009
Oh my gosh, I remember that one! I think it was on the Maternal & Child forum. Yeah, that was crazy.

I have to say though, that my family does know about MH because they see me on this so much, lol. I've also told a few friends about it because I like it so much that I've recommended it. :)

Avatar universal
by lovethebops, Apr 06, 2009
April-
I was no way suggesting that it is wrong if you do tell friends, my dh only know because he sees me on a lot;).., but realistically, would you, on your deathbed, tell your family to go home and post in your profile @ Medhelp.org about what happens to you? Probably not, I would have a million other things going on in mind, for sure! The rest of family does not even have the internet, lol! This is my little place I like to come to, where no one else bothers me, lol!! :)

It was a crazy story, when it started to really get out of control, I believe MH took care of it right away-they are pretty good about that now.

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by GNicole, Apr 06, 2009
I remember that post!! There have been some doozies on here in the past! My husband and my mother know about MH, that is it.

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by April2, Apr 06, 2009
Good point. :) I do have a couple of friends on here that I have their phone numbers that I might let know if things happened but yeah, I'd be letting my own relatives, etc., know first!

Do you guys remember that 13 year old girl who kept giving pregnant women advice, etc? And she said her brother had died but kept changing the story? I actually felt sorry for her, if she really was 13. But we kept catching her at her lies and telling her that we'd like to help her but she'd have to quit lying. I don't believe she's around anymore either.

Avatar universal
by PlateletGal, Apr 06, 2009

We recently had a really good discussion on this topic in MedHelp's social forum:

http://www.medhelp.org/posts/MedHelp-Social/What-do-you-think-of-Lying/show/764555

I can't believe how many justify lying !

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by MJIthewriter, Apr 06, 2009
cirella, thanks for posting. I'm going to save that.

Yeah I ran into a medhelp friend who "died" and had a "friend" send me an email about her death.  At first jarred up, I posted about it, but once I found out I was the only person who got that email I pulled out....reported to the admins and requested people to ask the admins rather than bother me....

Not to mention I got another email right the day after her "death" telling me the person had an "autopsy" and they found the cause of "death".   Once the dead person realized I was onto her, she dropped me from her friend list (you'd think a dead person would have...more important things to do in the afterlife?????) and sent me a really "nice" email.
Yeah...pretty crazy.... And to add to that she had a "stalker" after her and intermixed with her friendly posts she would pm me and point and target a few members implying to me they were possibly accounts of her stalker.  Since a number of those people were not quite on nice terms with me I believed the person at the time.  I tried to tell her if she thought people were her stalker to report it to the medhelp staff....  One time she told me someone followed her home one day. I told her to report it to the police.....  Each time she failed to take my suggestion seriously....


I used to be shaken up by all that happened, but now look back into it and some of it was quite funny in a sad pathetic way.......  I just hope I don't get taken into another scam like that again.  I have to admit it has made me considerably more suspicious.

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by April2, Apr 06, 2009
Correction, you and I were the only ones who got that pm, MJ, at least that we know of. That shook me up too. I nearly left the site over that incident. I thought of this person as a friend. I still don't understand any of that but I've moved on. I had friends on here who convinced me to stay and I've met many wonderful people on here. I guess we just have to be careful and cautious. I tend to be too trusting sometimes so I'm trying to be more careful without becoming too cynical at the same time.

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by boogieman, Apr 06, 2009
all. i would imagine that caution would be used on behalf of anyone here. it is dangerous to diagnose a behavior or condition simply upon what seem to be characteristics of it. to illustrate, for those that know what the dsm is and have access to one, you can diagnose yourself with a multitude of psychiatric conditions based on generalized symptoms. do you feel sad, sometimes hopeless? do you experience anxiety in social situations? do you do things to distract yourself from reality? is it hard for you to show or do you show an excessive amount of emotion? if you answered yes to these, you could qualify for many conditions. but the most overlooked of them all is the human condition. i'd imagine most folks have these characteristics at some point and time, and through them a lot of pharmaceuticals are marketed and sold. this is not to suggest that there are not those who consciously or unconsciously attempt to deceive others to attain sympathy or anything else, because there certainly are. but just as someone else stated, it's like giving money to a beggar. if i find i can be helpful to another human being, it does not matter what they do with what i offer. what does matter is i do my part. this may mean helping 10 folks who don't need it to avoid missing the one who does. and that one is worth the trouble of the ten. just wanted to offer my 2 pennies. take care,         gm

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by MJIthewriter, Apr 06, 2009
April2, I think the difference was, you got it through pm (news of her death) and I got it through email. She likely communicated with both of us through pm.

She has/had at least two email addresses that I know of. The one she gave me she claimed her "stalker" knew it.  But once again that made no sense because anyone can create a new free email address or close an email account to get around that problem.  Also she could have reported her supposed "stalker."  I found that peculiar.  Also like I posted earlier here when she had surgery and came on the internet at 2/3 am same day, I thought that was odd.  I got another pm from another username gently reminding me she just had surgery and keeping her awake at that time at night was not a good idea.

There are a few things I will probably never be able to figure out. It's left me with a lot of questions, but they lead to dead ends.  One of those was if the 2nd person who sent me the pm to be easy on the person was another account or a genuine person also getting taken in.  Either way, how would they have known I was communicating through pm with the other person?  I don't remember telling them.  So either they were another account or the person pmed the other person telling them about me pming them.  Either way could be possible.  If the person was genuine and the 2nd case was true than any suspicion I had would seem to come out of nowhere...

In the early stages of the potential scam I used to get pm messages asking me about other members and asking me if I saw their journal, especially noting suicide threats and showing concern.  I don't know. It's hard to say because I've expressed concern at times too about members. I found odd it seemed if I had anything negative to say one or two members almost always seemed to take it personally and ask me about it .  That made it hard for me to be honest and clear when expressing my concerns.  I was worried that one or two of my friends would automatically assume I meant them and then turn their backs on me. Other people wanted me to "let go" and in their language meant to "just get over it" like I should automatically know how to just get on without making any mention of it....(more like "cover up")

After a while I realized  I can't live like that trying to please others to keep on their good graces... It doesn't work that way. Those that wanted me to "just get over it"  seemed to me to have some kind of hidden agenda...  I tested them out by appologizing for any perceived wrongs I may have done.  Each time they came back with lies to back up their accusations against me.  Also the "hate" they had against me was unreal... Eventually I just had to laugh at it because it was so crazy.  I notice lately those people have kind of backed away and not bothering me as much. I'm happy for that.

boogieman, you bring up an interesting point.  "self diagnosis" is not the same as being officially diagnosed.  For instance I was diagnosed with PDD NOS (a form of autism) at age 6 in a clinic/ center in WI.  There have been times I've wondered about other conditions with overlapping symptoms, but no matter what anything outside an official diagnosis would all be speculation.  There can be deadly consequences if people use the internet as their sole way of diagnosis and then try to self medicate it.

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by rdh1981, Apr 06, 2009
I have been burned on here a few times myself. One I took very personally. When this lady posted about losing her baby to due a rare heart condition. She targeted me because she knew I had just lost my poor precious Cooper to a rare heart condition in June.  Surprisingly, she pulled this stunt after she had just been kicked off of MH under a different name. This sent my depression back into over drive and I really wanted nothing else do with MH any more after that, but then I remembered all the wonderful people like you guys we got me through my dark times and love my little angel so much!!!  

It is just pretty sick that people play with your emotions like that.  I come on here to offer support and wish I could do it with feeling like someone might be pulling the rug from out from under me.   I wish these people a good life and may they never truly suffer like they are pretending to.  

Rachel

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by April2, Apr 06, 2009
Well, I think it's been mentioned before but we just don't really know a person or their true story or what they may be going through. They could be really sick. I try to have compassion and give everyone the benefit of the doubt. I try not to assume anything. I do think we should be careful how much personal information we give out here until we really, really get to know a person. And listen to your gut instinct. It's almost always right on the money.

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by April2, Apr 06, 2009
Oh Rachel! How awful! I cannot even believe someone could be so cruel! Why? Why would someone do such a thing? To do that to someone who has lost a child tells me they must have lost their own soul somewhere along the way. Wow. I am so sorry you ever had to go through something like that!

Avatar universal
by JoyRenee, Apr 06, 2009
A lot of them are teenagers, just goofing off. I remember being a pre-teen and doing stupid stuff in chats and AIM.

Others have serious psychological issues and even believe their lies as truth.

And yet others (and I've seen them on Dr. Phil) are just lonely or bored. They think it is "fun" to create this little fantasty world. It gives them something to do, sadly. And it is usually at the expense of all of us who pour ourselves into helping others here.


A lot of people do get hurt. I can usually tell if something is off with certain members, whereas others are just really good at doping us all. One such girl telling us she was raped and going to have an abortion. Then she decided to keep the baby. Then one day she mysteriously fell down a flight of stairs and miscarried. I believed her, gave her a phone number she could contact me at (DO NOT ever do that, please- thankfully mine was for a pregnancy clinic I worked at, not my home phone). And it turned out she was lying.

To protect yourself, only select a few people you find you trust here. You don't have to be friends with everyone and you will find there are many real, hurting, true people on here who just need a shoulder to lean on. *HUGS* Sorry you are in the midst of a scammer. But many of us are true to our word.

Avatar universal
by JoyRenee, Apr 06, 2009
tiredbuthappy- OMG! What an awful roommate you had! Recently a friend of a friend's was diagnosed with Lymphoma and he is very young, newly married, a pastor even. I just cannot believe someone could lie about DYING. I hope that girl got her psychological needs met.

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by April2, Apr 06, 2009
I think you kind of get a "feel" for people after awhile. If they give little to no information about themselves, change their stories, act mysterious or confusing, don't seem to have many friends or belong to any forums, always want you to talk about yourself or others but say little to nothing about themselves and like others said on here, seem to have a lot of "drama" in their lives, then that would send up red flags. Now, don't get me wrong. Some people really do have a lot of drama in their lives! And I do know that a lot of people just come on here to maybe ask one question or only have one ailment they want to understand and aren't that interested in setting up a profile and I can understand that. I didn't do much with my profile for a long time. When I came on here 2 years ago it was for some symptoms I was experiencing. I've learned a lot from being on here and have greatly enjoyed my time on here and have met some wonderful people. I would have to say that most of the people on here are sincere, good people.

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by April2, Apr 06, 2009
This is strange. Why does it seem like most of the trolls were from the pregnancy forums?

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by freya25, Apr 06, 2009
I must be completely oblivious to this-I know there are some twisted people out there but I didnt realise they could or would post on support forums like this one.

I have to say my husband & I have been through it lately & every single person I have spoken to on here has been an amazing support to me. 2 people in particular so I have had only good experiences on here-its horrible to think there are sick people out there ruining it for everyone else.

I hope there can be something put in place in the future to prevent this from happening.

I have read all your posts & the clues do make sense but its hard to believe this actually goes on? I think unfortunately people are too trusting but its things like this that make us more inclined to suspicion-affecting those who are honest!

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by peekawho, Apr 06, 2009
Yes, someone even very recently had ultrasound pictures up, and an astute member found them on another website...they were posted over a year ago on About d o t com.

The member lifted them right off, and said they were her own.

Med Help removed them.

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by 2ndBaby, Apr 06, 2009
Maybe it is just me, but I find it just at disheartening to find someone needed to lie to me about the details, too.  If you don't want me to know something (good or bad) just don't tell me!  But don't go making it up!

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by hannah1505, Apr 06, 2009
hello i feel this is interesting,
it feels like were thinking of the same person but i feel guilty for not beliving them i have reported a few people to med help
sometimes though maye ppl are innocent i reprted 3 ppl and they was all 1 person must be trajic but i tend to feel sorry for them.
but i think its better just to say ok than accuse as maybe just maybe we will never no this is an ibteresting topic
thanks  
xx

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by April2, Apr 06, 2009
Well, I can say in all honesty that my pictures of my kids I posted really are my kids, lol.

I always believe that when you lie it will come back to you sooner or later. Some people call it Karma, I call it getting back what you give. If you give good things, you get back good things. Good produces good, bad produces bad.

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by freya25, Apr 06, 2009
Cherie762-I will say when I had a 10 week US my triplets measured all just under 2 inches the biggest at 1.91 the smallest at 1.74 so that is not strictly true-I just had to mention it.

I took my pictures down a week after I gave birth to my babies-I didnt want the constant reminder of what had happened-this is why I havent been on for a while we needed time to grieve. We will never forget what happened & we will never forget our 3 babies however I, like another member on here have felt like people are saying & thinking things & whilst you are going through this pain u dont need people gossiping. Up until this point I was unaware at this kind of thing happening-I still havent seen it for myself but going through what we have been through makes it so much harder to read posts like this & believe there are people out there like that!

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by peekawho, Apr 06, 2009
Yes, it is hard to believe.  But for some reason, they exist.

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by amberd5191, Apr 06, 2009
I have seen this type of behavior on here a lot since I've been a member. It makes you keep your eyes open and your heart closed. If there is a chance someone could find a way to manipulate you they will do it. I know that sounds harsh but most of us on here have learned through some manner of being manipulated that not everyone on here is genuine. I just wish it didn't involve playing head games with those of us who really do care for others.

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by lonewolf07, Apr 06, 2009
I am Elvis and the Queen of England and anyone who wants to have tea and grits is invited.

Don't want to steal this thread because the issue of lying is an important one.  I think we all lie to a certain degree but the pathological liars or the liars who just want to cause hurt are often sociopaths - have no conscience.  Some lie to make themselves come across better.  Honesty is easier because we don't have to remember what lies we told but there are some people who, if they had a choice between truth and lying would choose lying and I really don't know why.  We don't phone and tell the boss we aren't coming to work because we want to go fishing but that's still a lie.  Is it an "acceptable" lie?  It's the emotional lying that IMHO is the worst.  Many of us must have been set up on blind dates and had the other person described as a real hunk or "gorgeous" and then found out he looks like Elmer Fudd.  This is an interesting thread - lots of ranges of theories about lying.




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by NicMom, Apr 06, 2009
Wow I had no idea there was that big of a problem on here. Makes sense. I know people like that in real life and they have problems.

I recently ran across my first disturbing lie on medhelp it was someone who said they had a mc and I had real feelings of sadness for them having gone through it myself. I remember how much comfort I got from the people on here and all the information they passed along to me so I wanted to do the same. I offered comforting words and said a little prayer for her. Only to accidently find out a few days later that she was full of it. I think the whole thing was made up.

People just have problems. I can't judge them because I don't understand it. I shake my head and move on.

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by PrettyKitty1, Apr 06, 2009
We need to THINK before saying something which will bring hurt and mistrust. Lying online can have bad implications, but it happens everywhere on the net. It just is. It happens.

Long ago, I read a post from a girl who wanted to lose weight, right? She, of course, posted on the weight loss forum. She openly said she was 19 y.o. Then she goes on the Relationship community, posts a question and tells us she is 22 y.o. I thought 'Are you kidding me with this?' Minor things such as lying about your age can lead people to stop believing your stories. It makes me not want to help them, or even try. It makes me not care at all.

I've met liars and honest individuals on this community. But, if liars think that lying will help them fit in or just get attention, they'd better enjoy the moment. If liars are just here to cause damage, well, I hope they get real pleasure out of it while they can. I used to open my heart to people, and trust them. I rarely do that anymore because of what I've seen here. It's, sometimes, disgusting.

The Internet isn't a safe place to post pictures or tell people things about you. I learned the hard way, sadly (although it's a good thing to find out who your true friends are, right?). But, being that we have to live with that, at least it's good that we can find goodness and kind friends as well. It's nice to see those who can't be or act as friends leave your life.... no more harm done, no more sh!t said or done, no more masquerade parties....and it's hard to find out you've been someone's puppet, and the puppet master is the big liar. It unfolds quite aggressively.

Peace and Love.



Avatar universal
by spirit2286, Apr 06, 2009
Well, I dot know if i should be saying this here. but since i cant think of any other place, i would just say it here. And this is true i swear, i am new to MH. Though i joined to get a few answers from Docs but everytime i try to post my question it sys it full for the questions of today. so I am waiting thatsomeday i'll get to post my question.

I dont have any friends. i have never said this to anyone. it's been years now. i am married and have a 4 month old son but i feel like i need someone to talk to. i am a Stay At Home Mom>> love my Hubby but he cant be with me whole week>> he has to work everyday and get rest and go out.... i only look after my son. i think i have started to get paranoid.. i guess. i really dont know what to do. i dont want to go to chat rooms. people lie alot there and they usually have dirty stuff to talk about.

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by AndiJ78, Apr 06, 2009
A little peek-a-birdie mentioned this thread was going on and I have only now gotten around to reading it. I am certainly most concerned with the lies that have engrossed entire forums and wreaked havoc on the support system contained within that forum. The newmommy's and briannemom's of the lot. Those wrapped a lot of people into tales of woe (or would that be "whoa") only to be outed. And it does stink when members smell a rat and then get pounced on by people too engulfed in the tale to see it.

On a side note, I do find it laughable that one of the most recent members busted in a fake picture scam is posting on this thread acting as though it never happened.

Live and learn. The lies that hurt are never okay, the others are a waste of time. The whoppers on here over the years have been disastrous for the support systems in place. It takes time to rebuild. Sometimes I believe the pm and note systems have helped unveil these lies, other times I believe it has made it worse.


  

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by vsentz, Apr 06, 2009
Rache... I really wanted to reach over and kick her crack-@$$!!!!! that was just insulting.....

She came back a couple of times and wanted to get me kicked out..... I guess everyone busted her and she finally just got the 'hint' that no one cared for her to be here anymore.

Lots of hugs girlfriend! xoxoxox

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by adgal, Apr 07, 2009
Oh Rachel, that was one of the posts I was referring too.  That was just plain old wrong my sweet!!!  And V, I so remember her coming after you as well...but she is gone, and trust me, it would be so easy to tell if she was back...no one's spelling is THAT bad...lol.. And Andi (I hope you posting means your back is a bit better..) I know who you are referring too, but some actually believe that which they write..you know what I mean.

I personally think this was a great journal...opened up a topic that needed discussing as obviously so many of us have been "victimized" by this.  I actually feel better knowing I am not the only one who has fallen for some of the stories out there, although I really hate that anyone has ever been hurt over any of it.  

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by rdh1981, Apr 07, 2009
Thanks April, Vanessa and Amanda, you three (and many more like you) are the exact reason why I did not leave!! Loving and caring people like you are what makes MH my cyber-home!!!

I am glad this journal was started too, maybe it will get in the hands of some of those fakers and maybe it will be a wake up call that we are not stupid nor or we here to be played!!!!

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by kellym, Apr 07, 2009
I agree, she was a Nasty crack @$$. And the lady whom posted the u/s pictures you all have spoken of. And, the baby with the heart condition (hugs Rachael) BUT, I really wish I was more in-tuned to who is lurking and lying now, Geesh! I swear I'm on often, I just have to go through alllll the forums I must miss it!

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by kellym, Apr 07, 2009
Ooooops, I was referring to Briannesmom as the NASTY! Remember that picture of her all 1/2 naked layed out on the couch, yuck! it was like the "before baby" picture, Eeeek!

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by babyprayers, Apr 07, 2009
holy cow, you mean they lurk among us even in a thread like this.. geesh some people do have huge Ball$, anyway the sad part about all this, many times, I just lurk around, reading peoples post and following their stories, seeing how things went when they had their babies or whatever, and looking at their pics, its sad when they now they have no choice but to make everything private except to friends, of course I can ask to be added to their friends list, but maybe I never even spoke to them, maybe I just followed their posts, I have asked a few people to be added to their friends list, only because I have read their stories, and read comments on their pics, but their pics were made private.

do any of you find it odd when someone you never spoke to asks to be added to your friends list? it may just be me, wanting to see your pics, after following your story.

I have been around here for 3+ years, i am as open and honest as they come, I do have twins and I did almost die 3 days after having them, its all true, but I am here now getting better, I have a hard time accepting people who fabricate things, I know I know sometimes its an illness.. but other times people do know what they are saying

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by GNicole, Apr 07, 2009
I remember Briannesmom, that woman had serious issues!! I got sucked into that one for awhile and felt bad for her until I finally realized it was all a bunch of  c r a p!

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by GNicole, Apr 07, 2009
I am also clueless as to what is going on now????

Avatar universal
by athelas, Apr 07, 2009
I have been read ing your posts with much interest.. now I am so curious as to who you are talking about!!! im quite new here, but you have really sparked my curiousity!   Have to agree with a lot most have to say about lying, on the internet in general it is very difficult to suss out who is genuine and who is not. But I must say I am saddened a little to know that people actually lie on sites such as this where the majority of users are in great genuine need of the support and help that it offers us all. But I guess it is a sure sign of the times. I guess we all just need to be on our guard a little and sad though it is, be a little wary who we give our heartfelt sympathies and support to.. But we all learn from our experiences and on the whole most of us are very caring and genuine people.. well, that is my experience anyway..... I think??????!!!!! :)

Avatar universal
by pooket825, Apr 07, 2009
I am clueless to what is going on to, I would like to know who is lying and what they are lying about. I see all the post and there talking about brainnes mom. who is that?

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by bree08, Apr 07, 2009
I'm so glad I found this journal : ) Since I've been on MH I've heard of 2 people lying. I just think it's really sad! I know that these people cannot be mentally stable. I just find it really heart breaking when people lie to women who are TTC or have had MCs and are already struggling. I know no matter what people like this will show up from time to time on an online community, but I just hope we dont get too many! It's really too sad.

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by jenstam, Apr 07, 2009
I can think of a recent one...she is still lurking. There have been many in the past few years that I have been here. Someone usually catches them and lures people to them and then they disappear. Many times they come back as someone new with a new story and get caught again. Others you never hear from again. What people do for entertainment and attention! I'm guilty of being too trusting. I try to keep my eyes open but sometimes my heart blinds me!

Avatar universal
by tbeards, Apr 07, 2009
Briannesmom was truly a NASTY, NASTY woman. I think her name was Sandy from what I recall. This was my first experience with a liar in this community. I think I was simply naive about things before then because I was relatively new to MH and it appeared she had developed a pretty good relationship with the women here and so I thought that is why she would talk about other stuff. Anyway, before she was exposed, I was always curious as to why she aired her dirty laundry on her journal but I know a lot of people who do that openly face-to-face. She was the one that said her husband was abusing her and that her MIL was accusing her of provoking it or something like that. I think she also posted a pic with her in front of a Bentley or some luxury car and then in another journal talked about how she was financially in trouble. Unfortunately, I only found out she was a fake by stumbling upon a thread in a forum that exposed her.

I would really like to know who on this thread is a suspect as I am have not been suspect of any screen names above; however, I do not go into many of the fertility or pregnancy forums that much anymore after having my twins. I am now in the Multiples forum most often and have encountered one there, which I think many of the women on here are talking about now. Please send me a message with the screen name and I will keep my eyes out for her.

This is a great thread to expose people since there are a ton of members on here that are frequent contributors in multiple forums. It would be awesome to expose their screen names here so we all know about them but may be in violation of MH. Amanda, is this something that we can? If not, anybody - PLEASE pm me with the screen names so I can watch out for them on the Multiples forum. I think a lot of the lies involve trolls who claim a pregnancy with multiples, maybe because people seem to be fascinated by multiple pregnancies with all of the shows and everything going on. At any rate, women pregnant with multiples are at high risk and at many times have complications or require bed rest and any added stress from these trolls is unacceptable to me. Anytime they post something that happened to their multiple pregnancy caused me to get stressed out that the same thing could happen to me when I was pregnant. Nobody, single pregnancies or multiples, needs that undue stress...

~t

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by motherofan18month, Apr 07, 2009
i found this journal last night and started reading everyone's posts/comments on the subject and just finished reading them today! i admit i was one taken for granted for a few months (last year) by someone who actually was like the 2nd person added to my friends list, only to find out she was lying....a few of u gals (some of the older medhelpers) caught on when i didn't and then she said she was moving and hasn't been on in almost a year, so im guessing after everyone confronted her she felt it was just her time to go.....i am a very trusting person and really couldn't imagine things like this would happen but yet it did and still does, i haven't really noticed anything in a while, but i usually just post to people who i feel are trust worthy or who have been on for a while! i think it's crazy that people feel they have to be liars to make friends!!!!!!!! im pretty sure we have all lied at some point in our lives but some people get to the point where lying is a way of life.....hopefully no one i have come accustomed to liking/being friends with has not been compulsively lying, but i just cant tell really! i just feel bad and mad at the same time for these type of people!

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by April2, Apr 07, 2009
This is why I don't accept friends invitations until I've gotten to know the person pretty well. I know many people who just add anybody to their friends list but since I keep my pictures private and many of my journals, I'm only going to add people once I've really, really gotten to know them and grow comfortable with them. I don't add on people who I see are abusive to me or others, who blatantly lie or try to start fights. That's probably why my friends list isn't that long. And if I haven't heard from people on my friends list for months, I might just go ahead and let them go. You do have to be careful being on the Internet. I see people post pictures of their kids and stuff with their full names, birth dates, where they live, what hospital the were born in, etc. and it scares me for them.  I would worry about child molesters or kidnappings, or just plain stalkers, I guess. I do think most people on here are good, genuine people who are looking for support and wanting to connect with others but unfortunately there's usually just enough bad apples to spoil things if we're not careful.

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by lonewolf07, Apr 07, 2009
Based on what I've read on this thread - which was interesting and informative - I'll be seriously thinking about whether it's possible to have "friends" on here.  So many bad experiences have made me feel it isn't possible and God I have tried but it seems my mistakes have outweighed my good intentions.




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by Cherie762, Apr 07, 2009
you know april I was considering warning some new members who appear to be real about that I got one proud grandma who has given her state and city and posted her grandbabies real first and last names along with their photos,,,that  is a lot of information for a sick mind,,,how hard wold it be for them to get an addresss, and they know exactly what  these kids look like would not take much to figure out what school they go to,,,,,,thats why I say I live near detroit...its true yet vague...
Also I think many of the pg moms dont realize on their ultrasound there real full name is printed for the world to see,

Since I became a Cl I have been getting alot of friendship invites,,im gonna stop accepting until i get a feel for them,,,and before my grandbaby is born ( I got till Oct)  before i post her or his photos I am gonna clean up my list like ya said the ones who are not active or dont correspond..my photos will be for friends only.

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by April2, Apr 07, 2009
lonewolf, I think it's possible to have friends on here. You just have to take your time and really get to know someone. I think we all usually have pretty good instincts and if we listen to our "gut" more often we'd all probably do better!

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by Cherie762, Apr 07, 2009
just read through some of the posts on here i missed...the 13 year old gir,,I got a message from a mod about her cause I kinda confonted her,,,dont know the real whold story but I believe the 13 year old girl was one personality of a real member who had multiple personality disorder,,remember how she cried for her mommy alot then this other personality came out and protected the 13 yo..dont know how old the real person ws just that she was an adult,,,they sem to have lost interest,,,,my point they arent all trolls some are real people with mental illness,,the one i spoke of her i was convinced was a "troll" and I was wrong.

Avatar universal
by nimiraho, Apr 07, 2009
Those who lie usually have something to hide




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by pcarsey, Apr 07, 2009
tbeards, the best way to handle that is that if you suspect someone is lying then you keep track of things they say, how they spell things, the way they use their words, etc. This is how I caught on to the poster many of you are referring to. I just could not let an injustice take place while I was around. This particular fabricated story tugged at my heart strings because I knew that it was an ultimate betrayal of what medhelp is really about and this woman used someones story to benefit herself when she didn't have any more legs to stand on and no more members she could call friends. I don't feel bad at all for calling her out because what she was doing was at the expense of others and that hurt me.

There is a huge difference when someone has a DX of double personality and when someone is consciously doing it to benefit them and hurting someone else. THAT I have a problem with. If you don't realize you are doing it, that is one thing, but when you have the wrong intentions then that is another thing. She KNEW what she was doing.. and the only reason she apologized was because she was CAUGHT, not because of the pain she caused others.  

Avatar universal
by tbeards, Apr 07, 2009
PCarsey - So after you caught on, did you pm them or did you post on a thread? I am seeing there are still people believing one of the made up stories, which makes me ill. It is like when I saw a beggar (single young man looking obviously drugged out) at the bottom of an off ramp recently with a cardboard sign that stated, "Desperate, family of four needs food." and then on the opposite side of the freeway there was another beggar with a cardboard sign that said the exact same thing. Is their family of four their drugged out friends??? Then you see people handing dollar bills out of their windows. Just makes me want to scream.

I saw your status and congrats on your soon to be baby granddaughter : )



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by pcarsey, Apr 07, 2009
I told a few other members and turned her in to medhelp. She really has a lot of issues, as do many liars. You just have to pick your battles you know. You can either choose to argue with them and escalate things, or just get rid of them...... I chose to get rid of her out of the best interest of all the other members she was affecting in one way or another. She has since tried to contact me but I have not responded.

Avatar universal
by youme123, Apr 07, 2009
Wow - I must be completely blind to this type of thing.  I will still go through this site trusting we're all here for reasons and need support.  Lord knows you've all given it to me in my greatest time of need, and you all don't even know me!  It's awesome!  I love this site...

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by Ariom63, Apr 07, 2009
pcarsey...This is sad.......I am responding to your post because after reading all these posts I agree with what you have done.  I am certainly not going to sit here and figure out why someone lied.  It is obvious if they did they have issues and perhaps even an illness. We are on the internet these things happen as sad as it seems.

I know I am not going to sit here and concern myself with this issue, time to move on.  If I ever come across someone lying to me, then I am adult enough to confront them..of course here on line.  But I am not the type to go behind people's back and start problems.  I am here because I find this forum helpful.  It is obvious we are all not the same.  The decision you have taken to just get rid of them, is exactly what I would have done.  

Moira

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by adgal, Apr 07, 2009
I guess it will always happen, and we just have to keep turning them in when we know they are making some of these awful tragic stories up.  I have not allowed it to impact my ability to trust too much, although I might be a little more suspicious then I used to be.  I have made some really fantastic friends on here and learned so much from other's that have had similar experiences to mine.  And the support I have received during some of the tough times has been incredible.  My first real experience with one of these individuals was Briannesmom (yep TBeards, her name was Sandi).  I remember Pcarsey phoning me that night, so angry...remember Patty?  I hadn't really caught on until then. A whole bunch of us just kept turning her in until she got banned.  She has tried to come back under other names once or twice, but she is always outed.  I am just going to try not to let it impact me, and keep on with what I come here for...to give and recieve support and information.  I am not going to let a few bad apples ruin a good thing!!

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by AndiJ78, Apr 07, 2009
It happens frequently on here but it is no way a measure of MH. MH has been a huge source of support for so many, those few bad apples are never going to spoil the support system, just shake it up a bit from time to time.

I do not believe these people are mentally ill, I believe they are manipulative people with more time on there hands than most. I don't believe they deserve any more thought than you would give a fly buzzing by your head. To grant them anything more is to feed into their game.

Use your best judgment. If something seems amiss, ask a friend on here if they concur. That is how they are usually caught. Once you have enough to support it, go to MH via the "contact us" link on the bottom of the page. Do not call them out publicly or pm or journal about the specific person...that usually ends in a huge mess of warnings, banning of the wrong people, and general chaos. MH has the tools to track and sort it all out, but they need our help.

Recently a member contacted another about suspicious pictures, pictures she found that were identical to a member. She sent along the information which was passed onto me. I forwarded it to the right person at MH and they were able to track it down and remove the copycat pictures. It is a shame they did not remove the member, though.

Good journal. Seems to have opened up a good dialog on this topic for sure.

(Amanda-I am feeling a bit better every day, still sore as the day is long, but getting better).


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by amberd5191, Apr 07, 2009
Andi I just had to say...I <3 u! :) In a non-romantic sort of way :P haha. Hope you keep making progress in your recovery...

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by ziggysgrl0724, Apr 07, 2009
I haven't read all the posts...getting ready for my mother in-law but just wanted to add my own opinion, lol.

You know whats scarier then some of the out there lies I have witnessed on this site?  Some of the truths!!!

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by Wendy80, Apr 07, 2009
I agree with AndiJ78 about how to handle members who appear to be "trolls".  I haven't been on here much since my daughter was born in September, but I've been a member since November 2007 (I think... around there anyway) and I've also seen a handful of people caught in a lie.  And of the different situations, it's never pretty when people start openly pointing fingers.  The couple times that I've reported abuse through Medhelp's contact link, they've reacted very quickly (also based on other members complaints).  I never like to do the finger pointing (even if the person is clearly a liar) b/c part of me always worries whether the woman complaining of her multiple miscarriages (or whatever) might actually be a real person with a real problem and I would HATE to be the person calling her a liar if all she needed was support.  In those situations, if it seems hinky or suspicious, I usually choose to ignore the posts, tell Medhelp, and if it's someone that I've stayed in contact with and find out later that they were liars, I just choose to ignore them.  

All in all, I think it absolutely stinks that there are people like that on this type of a forum.  Medhelp has been such a great support system for me when I was trying to get pregnant (and struggling) and when I had my miscarriage.  But there was one time back in 2008 (couldn't pinpoint the date if I wanted to) that it seemed like there was a string of liars and "morons" making up stories, and it caused such drama that I contemplated looking for another support site b/c drama was the last thing I wanted or needed at the time.  I'm glad that I decided to stay b/c as I said, this site has been great for me.  I guess you just have to hope that those "trolls" or whatever you want to call them will get bored soon enough or get caught in their lies and they'll move on to some other site.  

Avatar universal
by Bobbigirl58, Apr 07, 2009
Why, also, on the flip side, aren't people who see, or think they see,  a ' lie ' able to confront the person?? Let them clear explain themselves??

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by AndiJ78, Apr 07, 2009
They can ask privately, but when it is done publicly, it creates a witch hunt atmosphere and leads to violations of Med Help's terms and conditions just about every single time. If someone has a doubt, there are better and more private ways to handle the situation without it turning into a huge scene overtaking the forums. Basically it is a matter of tact and respect for the forums.

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by lucindamartinez, Apr 07, 2009
No lies here....to be perfectly honest, I actually keep the drama in my life quite private and rarely journal about it, good or bad....usually just a facts mission with updates on weight, asthma treatments, etc.  So leaving the personal drama to remain personal....I would like to openly admit that I have actually gained two pounds whilst I wanted to be losing some instead, although I didn't say that I lost during that timeframe...so I suppose that was merely an omission on my part rather than a lie.....OK, now I feel bad and I am off to update my weight ticker with the gain.  

Not sure about the lies and the drama or the whys?  But I am sure of this much....Good journal and something I have definitely asked myself before.  

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by MJIthewriter, Apr 07, 2009
The person I referred to is banned (though her account is still left intact).  That person outwardly was not any of the above examples about being wrapped up in drama and negativity.  In fact she appeared very positive and supportive to most.  It was only through pm that she mentioned her "stalker" and related problems (as well as pointing me to a couple journals where members were posting negative things about me). There was a bit of "too good to be true" to her personality.  Something to keep in mind along with the drama and negativity red flags.  It doesn't mean positive people can't be trusted, but if you find someone who says nothing but flattery and complements, be a little suspicious, to very suspicious especially if you are followed up by another username or two who is the direct opposite and has nothing but insults to offer....

From a troll's standpoint it was an excellent strategy to keep members trusting her (and shift suspicion and distrust to the wrong people) But for a genuine member it created a lot of havoc and distrust. I wanted to help her with her problem, and likely if she told other members, they probably wanted to help her too.
Because of that, it's left me unsure and let others unsure.  But the best I can do at this time is admit I still am not sure, and try to wait it out, and try to move on the best I can.  With time I hope things clear up.

Andi and Wendy are right about finger pointing and revealing usernames.  No matter whether a journal was created with that intent or gets hijacked by other members the journal usually gets removed within a day.



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by missyaftc, Jun 20, 2009
My husband lies to make things easier on himself it seems.
From getting a soda to food with money we really should be saving.
He's very selfish.
But oddly enough, he calls everything of "ours" his.
A friend, not close friend of my husbands died a year or so ago. My husbands family builds homes. My husband has met his friend through deliveries of rock. My husband is brown nosing the owner. There are only two workers in the buisness since buisnnes is slow in town. My husband al of a sudden has a huge intrest of this company, storing our rec trailor which holds our quads................. and has chanded the trailor up so i cant come get it. There are no woman in volved.
He is jsut being a gold digger and will lie to the hills to get his foot in the door.
I took away our rig he drives since he thinks hes god in the thing. He drinks and drives, has had two, got out of last DUI.
I have my name on the deed of my home. We are facing bank rupsy in a week if he doesnt work. He's been farting around in this yard, putsing around.. We took a loan out against my home using the equity to by reliable sourses/trucks, quads payup on bills, paid a 8k loan off for him. I need my trailer out of that yard, which also has a keyed gate around. He jsut chained the trailor huge! I need the quads to sell one or both of them to get caught up on living exspenses. ug!!!
He drinks, he is addicted to adult ent. places.
My husband for some weird reason told me the owner needed a web site. It took me all day to put one together. This project was never further mored. My husband finally yelled at me "itttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt was never even braught uppppppppp! yelling at me. Im just getting stinkin freaked that I put so much into a marriage and got burnt. Im not giving up on the trailor containing the quads.................. He doenst deserve it.............. My home, first *deed on the home my name. Loan against house to consalidate in both our names for new rigs and two quads and pay off a loan for him. n' y???????????????? I gave I really dont know.... It doesnt only say doormat on my forhead, it says HWY!
ANY ONE HAVE SIMULAR ISSUES.
SO STRESSED AND ABOUT TO PUT ALL THAT MATTERS INTO STORAGE..... N RUN FOR THE HILLLS
Missy

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by missyaftc, Jun 20, 2009
I have never been a liar. Wouldnt it be humiliating getting caught.
My husband runs around and all of a sudden wants to do things. Which he generally never wants to do.
Im sadden I learn my husband is a hubitual liar.
hugggge sigh.
His 18 year old walk every foot step my husband takes. He does the same now. Lies. Lies about me and something i have said and its absoulutly not true. uggggggggggggggggggggg.
makes you want to pull your hair out.
My husband didnt come home after I pretty much put him on the spot about him lieing and barrowing maybe even stealing things from a co. My husabnds not even empolyed with.
My husband has been instigating me to blowwwwwww so he can get on his marry way. Not so fast buddy.
Im bp, have difficulties putting things together. but dont, dont take advantage of me.
Im trying to get one more asset back i have to go creep on and take.
So far I've retrieved my other things.
Very sad. Here in Oregon the cops will not do anything till D.V. Till then what ever when ever is our buisness.
ug.
He knows the system. Im jsut learning it.
I didnt get married to be a P.I
He drinks, goes to adult rest'sssss if you get my drift.
N' im...................
???? a broken puzzel piece.
I think I need an ambien to get to sleep......
Not worth worring about....
Give me a "no worry pill" and I'll be fine.
Missy, in Cent Oregon

Avatar universal
by smarty52, Jun 20, 2009
I stumbled here researching LPD and was so memsmerized I read till the end. I know this was started a while back, but it really hits home for me.

Here is my story of lying of sorts, but I can't give too much detail.

My parents would also not tolerate lying when I was a child and I was also taught that if I fessed up, the consequences would be less severe.  As a result, I do not tolerate lying very well.  I just can't lie. I suppose it would be more truthful to say I can't lie very well!  I don't tell white lies, though I have before.  It does not mean that I spout out every thought as it comes across my mind, however, I do not go as far as to make something a "lie of omission".  If someone asks me if I like their dress as someone used as an example, I'll find something else to say.  I would probably say something like "it's not my favorite one you've worn".   It is really interesting that others have been taught to tell the truth in the same way I have.  That in itself is a whole other topic probably!  

This background is important for my story.  Basically, I consider myself a very truthful person while still considering the virtue of humility and "always being right".

So, for my story. Someone IRL told some lies about me on the internet. And I found out.  They are pretty awful lies as well and also revealed information about my identity.  For me, to have someone tell something untruthful about me is bad enough.  But this person told horrific lies about me that precipitated hate by others. These people that now hated me and I had no idea of who they were could now find me and my family. That in itself is bad on top of the lie, my safety was violated by people that are currently going through tremendous pain themselves.  Sometimes when those kind of people find something to latch onto to take their feelings out on, they will (no offense).

Through the innocent way I found the lies, I less innocently kept reading.  How could I not read about myself when it was on a public forum?  I finally figured out how much this person hates me.  My suspicions over the years about the person became realization that this person is mentally ill.  To tell the lies told about me was purposeful and direct.  The truthfulness and mental health of the person is overlooked by many of the "people" that support this person on their forum.  It is amazing how convincing this person is.  If I did not know what this person was doing behind the scenes IRL, I would have hated me, too!  Everyone buys the lies!   The lies told about me, I cannot disprove.  Only my spouse would know the truth.

My behavior in the past with not being able to lie plays a part in this!  I used to use “the truth” as my defense and could sometimes use it to say what I probably should not.  In this case, someone asked me for advice once, and I delicately told the truth.  I mean delicately.  As I have become more experienced in life, I realize that sometimes when even put delicately, if the truth is negative in nature, people do not really want to hear it or believe it.  In my case, I was the messenger and ultimately I got shot!  What I said was misconstrued and  held against me for many years.  This was 10 years ago!  I had no idea that this person harbored such ill feelings toward me.  I knew I was not liked very well, but had no idea of the extent of hate that was dwelling in this person's heart.  For instance, when I ended up alone in the room with the “liar” I would get dirty looks, etc.  I didn’t get it at the time, but felt disliked.  Nor did I know about the mental illness.  

Finally, this person used a personal tragic situation to get revenge on me.  I also think that this person ostracized me from the community and friends IRL because I was right/correct in my original assement.  I needed to be discredited!  This person had to do that to me to keep their own life intact (which was weaved upon a lie).

Isn't it ironic, though?  I don't lie and I get brought down (so to speak) by a lie?  Those that know me IRL WELL and some of my Internet friends believe me, love me and think I am good person.  Only a really bad  person would do the lies that were supposedly about me.  I believe this person is histrionic in nature as well as mentally ill.  This person hates me and it has been suggested that this person is very jealous of me (I find this hard to believe--what is so special about me?). This person's partner knows of the lies but can't and has not defended me "publicly".  That is another story.   I believe the “liar” abuses the partner and controls the partner in many ways.  On the other hand, the partner enables the “liar” because the “liar” is also fulfilling some need in the partner (rather unhealthily, but that’s my opinion).  Lots of enabling going on.

A few things ring true with my "liar" and the Munchausen by Internet article.  Several accounts were used agasint me and they defended and backed each other up!  Their writing styles are the same.  They gain support by posing as a friendly advocate and expert, but if criticised they open up a can of whoop-ass on the critic  This person has a way of making it “their way or the highway”.  This “liar” and the lies have brought the person a lot of power as well as sympathy.  The person’s “story” IRL could stand on its own as tragic, but now this person brings attention to the tragedy through the lies and using me as the bad guy.  My "liar" has accused me of stalking because I have tried to defend myself (to no avail).  It is confusing probably to many on the forums that this has happened because this person does have reason to be there for support, but twists truth with lies so convincingly!  This person is a liar and probably pathological, but it is even more twisted that just lying.  People have been divided over this lie with serious consequnces.  Relationships have been lost, money has been lost, attorneys have been retained.  Those that love me do know I am innocent.  Those that have chosen their lot with me have also suffered this person’s wrath.  To stick with me was no the easy choice for those that are “with” me.  All of those people as well as me have now been cut out of their life.  I have been blocked from all acesss to the partner via phone.  This person is really afraid for me or my family to talk to the partner.  I think the partner is ashamed and embarrassed and to keep their part of their family intact (which includes the liar) they must acquiesce to the partner or face terrible consequences.

Oh, and lonewolf... if you are really Elvis you would know from the movie Men in Black that he returned to his home planet.   Where do you think "Elvis has left the building” came from????

Anyway, these lies about me have been a devastating blow to me.  A lie.  About me?  An attack on my character…. Of all things….Of course it is more than just the lie.  I was betrayed and lied about.   I am obviously still upset, but what can I do?  I have to accept it and know that what I know about me is what matters most.  I feel very sorry for my “liar”.


As far as karma goes, this whole situation has caused me to question it.  I used to believe in it.  Mainly because of the tragic situation that caused the lie is why I do not believe it anymore.  No way God could be so cruel, even to someone as awful as my “liar”. My parents used to say  to me “what goes over the devil’s back comes back under his belly”.  Isn’t that like karma?  Maybe it is not because it is the devil so to speak.  I just know that I am not so quick to judge that bad things only happen to bad people.

So, that is my personal story about lying.


924126 tn?1253207865
by missyaftc, Jun 20, 2009
Im on here for serious support. I'd think no ones a liar.
Makes me nauseous to think so..
I just have a habitual liar as a husband. He doesnt even know whats true or not.
He's just out fo rhis best interest.
I'd just like to put all assets in storage tillthis is all sorted out.
leave.................. go back home. Take trailor and my truck. To help me and my children.
N' wait for his cry's of thinking this was all my idea.
Im praying, really praying..... he'll leave us all alone.
Missy

460185 tn?1326081372
by lonewolf07, Jun 22, 2009
smarty52 - This is Elvis and sorry about lying about my identity.  I'm really Will Smith (and a Vulcan) and helped Elvis leave the building to return to Romulan air space.

missyaftc

Why do people lie - because they can.

Why do I personally lie - honestly, who can be honest about not wanting to go to work or go out somewhere with someone they don't like.  I can't do that anymore but I also can't phone in and say, "I'm fed up with work so I'm not coming in but still expect to be paid".

Why do I lie on MH - I try not to and most of my lies are so blatant (like I'm Elvis) nobody would believe them.

Why do SOME PEOPLE like at MH - I have no idea.  Because they can and they love to see the hurt, chaos, etc. that their lies cause.  There is also a big difference between a lie and a mistake.

Just to confuse everything - I am NOT calling anyone a troll (but am I telling the truth - not a facetious statement; how would anybody know I am telling the truth?)



Avatar universal
by outotown, Jun 22, 2009
You mean to tell me people lie, who would have thought such a thing!!! So the guy who told me gulible is not in the dictionary may have been lieing to me. HMMMMM!!!!! One good rule of thumb liars always exgerate, they will streatch the truth about the amount of pills they take weather or not they are really clean, and so on, just take it with a grain of salt and go on. Life is too short to get upset over something you have no control over.

915277 tn?1252576713
by joycekatherine, Jun 22, 2009
Hi Guys!  I have only been a member for about 3 weeks or so, and I have read many posts that I would bet good money are total BS!  My best friend, or I should say my ex-best friend's daughter is 33 yrs old, and is a pathological liar...she has had lung cancer, multiple miscarriages, deathly ill children, ex tried to kill her, and the list goes on and on, she lives for attention, drama and to just basically stir up s&*! and get everybody mad at everybody else.  The only thing that may have been true, is that her ex tried to kill her, no I'm only kidding, but, I'm sure there were times that he thought about it!!
She is the type of person that makes you believe in evil...she is the reason that her mom & I are no longer friends...that said, I agree with JIMI to a point,  people who's lies are not hurting anyone are easier to be sympathetic towards...the people who create havoc and destruction with their lies...not so much!  As for me, I can relate to what April said, I find it very very hard to tell even a white lie, and my honesty has gotten me in trouble as well!!  It's much easier to keep up with what you've said if you're telling the truth...I don't have the energy to remember what lies I told to who, so why do it!!

915277 tn?1252576713
by joycekatherine, Jun 22, 2009
Oh, I forgot...I am the walrus, kook kook ka chu ;)

460185 tn?1326081372
by lonewolf07, Jun 22, 2009
You didn't forget  lol

Your friend - Elvis Buddy Holly Johnny Cash Obama and your dear old uncle Donald Trump  = )

BTW, if someone asks if you are a liar, what is an honest answer?

Time for lunch with the Queen ....



Avatar universal
by remar, Jun 23, 2009
Wow, this thread is still going. I think that's a good thing. Lying or telling the truth are so important. It says what knd of person you are.
It's not in me to lie, I just will not and can not do it. I can't even tell a white lie. How could I respect myself if I did? And how could that be respectful to anyone else?
I have an aunt that lies all the time, even about little things. I can't understand that and it drives me crazy to talk to her.
Anyway, you do have to be careful here and at any other site you visit or join. I've been sucked into big lies a couple of times here. Thank goodness the people were banned. I caught on pretty quick but it still was just incredible to me that these people would make up stories. I guess it was for attention.
Wolf, Can I join you for lunch with the Queen? And then we can visit Elvis! Ha ha. Luv ya Wolf.



Avatar universal
by teko, Jun 23, 2009
We can spend most of our life with a significant other and then when we find out they are not what they say they are, our whole lives pass before our eyes. Why would we not expect to see it somewhere like on a forum on the internet? Are we that naive? We take it at face value, if it is not, it is on the liar. not me.

927365 tn?1245752099
by zelkahmiktez, Jun 23, 2009
Lying?... or maybe... the readiness of the person to expose himself in public. Sometimes,   people  tend to choose whom they can disclose their real selves. Slowly it may start from someone who don;t know them that much coz  it's non threatening...they won't be  judged you or if they judge you, it has no effect on you coz you have no personal relationships with them. Others prefer revealing themselves to people who are close to them.  What am saying is... people disclosed themselves on a different level on different people depends on the degree of their relationships. Each person has the right to keep what she wants and disclose  on how far can she/he exposed herself.  If the person is lying, he must have a good  reason for himself, he actually used it as a shield. The person who is lying is more troubled, then let him enjoy that situation. lol

176741 tn?1295237589
by 2ndBaby, Jun 23, 2009
Interestingly enough, the person I was referring to hasn't been around in weeks.  Believe me, I'm not 'getting upset' over this, as outotown seemed to think.  

Avatar universal
by smarty52, Jun 24, 2009
Hmmmm....in a way, i think readiness to expose oneself in public is....kind of a lie.  Why can't you be who you are around everyone?  Are you talking coming out of the closet kind of thing?  I believe if you are truthful in everything you do.  I do not think people need to reveal every thing about themselves.  For instance, I keep my political beliefs only to a few friends. REligious to a few and sex to a few others. I know my uncle has a very different life than what he discloses to me.  He is bisexual does drugs that I've guess....but I don't need to know any of that.  He is my uncle and when we get together we have our own relationship.  So, I think I get you zelka.

In my case, the lying was meant to harm me and ostracize me.   In fact, how do you deal with a real, pathological liar?  I suspect also this person is a sociopath.  Why? she killed her cat.  I am pretty sure she killed another thing intentionally. She intentionally humiliates yells at people if they have not say...sent her sympathy cards for the funeral in her family (she kept a list).  One of her friends couldn't bring up the situation about the death in the family with my "liar" so she yelled at her for not calling and saying things like what kind of friend could she be, everyone is afraid to talk about death, Kicked her out of her life The girl left crying and devastated that her friend would not accept any apologies and was devasted that she was berated for a weakness most Americans have when it comes to death.  The girl now can't attend parties where my "liar" is going to be or else she will kick her ass.  Ya don't turn on this woman OR ELSE.


After writing my post (sorry I am highjacking) I realized she planned to do what she did.  She planned to take out her pain on me at the first opportunity she had.  She wanted me there so she could make up lies about things I said. No one at this time would question her credibility.  It was perfect timing.  It was brilliant on her part.  

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