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Breakthrough / Breakdown. Meds...

Mar 29, 2009 - 0 comments







family suicide



I suppose it is inevitable,  I will surrender and commit for at least 6 months, see if there is a significant change.

I guess I need to take medication to learn meditation... Kinda sad, but depression seems to keep creeping it's way into my subconscious and sabotaging my simplest dream and goals... dreams and goals that I have even lowered, to more 'realistic' aspirations. I have this really abusive voice in my head that basically tells me everything I attempt to do anymore is a waste of time, useless, futile or just rehashing what I've already achieved.. Pretty discouraging. I want to rise above that.

I am taking Zoloft, 50mg right now, low dose, something my brother left me from a prescription he never wanted to use. ( It had been prescribed for me anyway, so I know it is fine to use it, and I've used it before. I just never filled out the prescriptions.. hoping I could do this without...)

My experience with it 10 years ago was good and bad... going off was bad anyway. I had an eating disorder and was a mess psychologically. It really helped, then I held onto a sweet four year relationship, became a provincial champion athlete and held down 4 decent creative jobs, all out of nothing.. no family support ect...

I guess I had some confidence... Now I am going through some life changes again- values/lifestyle and I guess I need that focus and 'stability' again. It does help with perspective, though I really wish I could go "natural"..

Will look into thyroid. Maybe a problem there. It is also a family thing to. I am a daughter of a suicide after all... Sigh. :)

Keep on Keepin' On.

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