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Mar 27, 2008 - 1 comments

I am 47 yrs old with Bi-Polar Disorder in which I was diagnosed with 8 yrs ago.  I had been severly depressed for at least 4 yrs before my Bi-Polar surfaced.  I worked in Law Enforcement for 17 yrs as a Patrol Sergeant.  I left  Law Enforcement in 1998 to run my father's trucking business after he passed away.  Things went well for a while.........Then my wife of 20 yrs left after forcing me to file bankruptcy & leaving me homless & only with the clothes on my back!  After being diagnosed with Bi-Polar, my family basically turned their back on me(they think mental illness is contagious or that it's not a real illness)!!!!!!  Life had little meaning after that!  In 2004 I was a bouncer in a nightclub & was stabbed in the left lung & barely missing my heart!  I was so aggressive at that time since I was on 8 different types of steroids that I didn't feel any pain when I got stabbed & I beat the **** out of the guy that stabbed me!  Being depressed & being Bi-Polar makes me angry all the time, BUT when I added steroids to it my anger was out of control!  I soon turned to alcohol & cocaine to block out the pain & maybe try to find a little happiness in the mean time!  I had a bad car accident in Feb. 2007 & walked away!  I decided God kept me around for a reason & that He had a plan for me!  I just don't know what that plan is, but He will reveal that to me in time!  My mind goes so fast all the time it's hard for me to take it one day at a time, so I try one hour at a time!  I stay so confused & my mind races so fast that I don't know what I am thinking most of the time!  

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417129 tn?1244540658
by topper42099, Mar 27, 2008
dear bi-polar; i consider myself more polar although i am bi......hope u thought that was funny.....look i too could very well be mother is in the beginning stages of skitzophrenia or althzeimers i think its a toss up...u have had enuff to cause your own world in your head......dont fret anymore....and i suggest alternatives to medication.......slow down and find a beautiful place then record ur thoughts by digital or even cassette or ur laptop keeping a journal will help......find a hobby one ur passionate about mine is music......i am so empathizing with ya and your in my prayers......

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