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May 03, 2013 - 0 comments

awww medhelp, im fuhkin enjoyin myself here!  yite!!!! ha haaaaaa

yo still workin on getting some lighting up in here but I got my grandma's Stiffel lamp (table lamp) by the bed, only its fancy so im afraid to put anything down on it, and I got the overhead in the kitchen and 'dining room'  but hey I just discover this light under the microwave, nope I said unnnner the micro but spellcheck corrected it, ha I outwitted that dum foo huh yah, and uh .... yeah the light there is like soooo sweet its like, real dim and when I walk in tha kitchen area and such it look so dope and inviting so relaxin

ooh yeah its a reggaler party here with the Under the Microwave Light!  woo hoo Meegy!

and I got power 105.9 on and Jason Fukhin Bentley on in a hour and im countin down!

AND chek it AND medhelp I takin a break from Dr Oz and I made this um ... like Pasta Shell A Roni OMG its so good it has MILK gee I aint had milk in .... decades?  and um ... oh gah its so dam good.  oooooooooooooh law

I debated over whether to stay on the couch or move all my stuff (notebooks, computer, planner, dinner etc) to the bed.  I know its durn early but medhelp I am jonesin for this durn bed allllls day!  its so comfortable.  its so ... yes I know ... hard ... well!  it is!  I like it ... hard.    lol .... this is so amusing to me.  I know its quite the elementary joke.  thas me.  and uh ... what else oh yes!  its so BIG.  im not tryin to be rude, im sure!  I mean it is big.  its like a football field and here I am in one corner its so funny but ... I have room to bring everything with me and there still space and ... at night when im sleep I can stretch out and yinnae I mean I hate to say it was worf the wait but ill say it .... it was worf the wait.  I love it.  I love my bed.  even if my apartment is just one big bed.

big and hard ...

ok Meegy that's enuf.

moping.  ok

so, I just decided, after the activities I engaged in wed and thu which you may or may not have gleaned the exak nature of from my prior and previous and the ones that came before j's ... um after that I decide ok Meegy take a break from Dr. Oz.  and it was hard, cuz you know, I count on him, for texts, and emails, and calls, and just about everything I mean me and Oz are Like This.  but I just told him, look Oz, your gonna have to stick to scaring the hell out of innocent housewives about Sepsis ok ?  wait septic?  septic tank?  ok, whatever.  just get away from me Oz.

how many jokes about his name do you think that dude has had to endure over his lifetime/  or is that a made up name.  hmm let's see, going to Hollywood what should I call myself ... oz?

um.  nope!

gotta love him.

anyway, what do you think one eats after a strict diet of oz for a long time ... well, let me tell you first that oz teaches you first and foremost that you really do not need any carbs to live.  zero.  nun.  so what do you think you eat first?  yes.  you're there.  so ... not just like, some carbs.  I mean every carb in sight is going to get shoved down your needy gullet.  yes I said your needy gullet.  or mine.  or dr ozzs  here dude!  nooooooo!  yes, you will!

um.  im fine.  so anyway um ... dr oz would have a seizure at the amount of carbs I ingested just today.  yes.  omg so gooooood!  dr oz!!! eat your heart out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  since we all know that carbs translate to:  yes sugar.  oh sugar.  come on over here, sugar.  um,  I think rr has a contact seizure too from just knowing I ate so much carbs and sugar in turn so ... sorry rr

you know what I really hate most about cooking?  its not the actual cooking, like chopping, preparing, etc.  its tha BABYsitting that I hate.  like, chek it this pasta was SO much effort I had to stir ini the 'special seasoning' and then like stir the fukkker for ever and ... I mean, for me the sign that its done is smoke

idk.  I try.  I really do.  and its dang good!  yum

and serislee  I DO know ht separate the yolk from the white I just don't do the shell game thing I have this little .. I mean I used to ... like silver thing with a circle in the middle and you giiiiiiingerleee break the egg into it over a bigger bowl and the white falls into it dripping ... see!  that's what im talkin bout.  I been around man I know whats up

but I am a good cook and if he aint started drinkin so much and also reduce me to a cooking snatch then man I woulda kept cooking for his dum A!  ok?  god.

so.  im wondering.  if I even have the right to ask.  does the horror of my recent mornings have more to do with using, or depression from the divo, or is it just.   maybe the difficulty of adjusting, the move, etc?  but I mean they are real pure horror.  this morning I thought that was it.  I was ready to roll over and die.  no hope.  none.  its weird.  but I think I have only myself to blame.  I just made it worse.  was it this bad when I had the six mos?  I don't think so.  I think it was getting better.  but it was hard when I was in my old house and I moved back after the rental.  it was.  member?  but not like this.  no.

let me just tell you this, medhelp I am dying.  I certainly am.  I know I have bothered you with my various and sundry ailments before but this is real.  L, you can have my mac with my hip hop and rap liberries on it, but please don't look in the fiction files and other private stuff im trusting you ok?  unless the story has a title on it then you can publish it posthumous ok.  but put all my names.  ty.  Darla, you can have my WRIF stickers and buttons and my DREAD card this is very dear to me.  idfs you can have my Virginia Woolf book A Writers Diary, again very important.  k the killah, you can have my dolls from Mexico (I know you don't like dolls but still you know) and my ceramic cross, C you can have all my NA books and Lunch Poems by Frank O'Hara I think youll like it ...and other ppl I have not forgotten you I just need to go through my stuff.

ok so I hate to even talk about this cuz I think it make me seem Old but ok so what I am so anyway

my bp omg!  my bp

well, you know my right ear been ringin off the hook ... and I got a bad headache in the back of my head and sometimes on the bridge of my nose.  im dying omg im dying!  ok calm down Meegy.  k.   and so .... idk I went to the dr and member he put me on a very low dose Inderal and like um say come back and well I did and my bp so low its like omg so low!  but then well I been thinkin either the ringin tinnitus or like a sign my bp up.  so I go

I go to this drugstore health thing and they took my bp and its omg its 135/91 today

that's too hi

and now im all UPSET and like FREAKIN OUT and that drive my bp even HIGHER OMG IM GOING TO DIE

you guys can have all my stuff go ahead just TAKE IT


ok im ok

and then I try to make a apt with Kaiser sose and THAT drive my bp up!  like the whole walk in vs real apt bs and like OMG just give me a APPT marfaws!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  

by the time I get off the fone with thems my bp ilke 180/179 im sure

im certain of it

im sure too

and certain

oh jeeeezus take me now god!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

wait.  can I sleep with some hot guy first?

and a chick.


breathe Meegy.  breathe.

aite im all right.

and then OH GOD im dYING  I have had this like mole oh god I hate moles they ugly omg I have one omg don't think less of me oh god im freaking OUT  ok im ok im ok!  im ok.         phew.  ok so this morning I noticed its like a TRANSFER MOLE but smaller close by.  its like THAT LAND WAS NOT POSED TO BE DEVELOPED

oh god.  don't the moles know?

oh mi grill I am dying of SKIN CANCER IM GONNA DIE

the last time like two mos ago I ask the foofy Kaiser Sose dr he go 'oh that's a skin tag.  call dermatology heres tha number.'

ok.  easy for YOU to be blasé, four eyes!


no not grill, this is an OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

anyway ty so much for your ... ahem undying support medhelp and I will never forget any of you ... and ...


hey, did you hear this Rick Ross song he is the weirdest dude aint he like 'drunk and disrespectful calling women b's"  like ... wow.  not only is his voice deeper than anyones I have ever heard in my life including the guy on that splish splash song or whatever but um ... wow, good lyrics man .... um ... yah .... can those lyrics even be interpreted as ironic?  even Meegy cant find a way.  its just downright stupid.  ok im sorry.  im sure its good.  I will learn to like him someday

so did you know that Rick Ross is NOT the same person as Rick Rubin?  yeah.  for like years I was like 'how does that chubby white guy get that deep sound out of him?"  I was SO confused.  like huh?  like give a dam, like what, huh?  wow.  I mean when I found the answer I really felt better.

so I was lookin in Rite Aid for relaxation tapes I think that is the crux of my bp issues.  I mean. im not overweight, even I admit that, I work out alls the time, and I normally eat pretty damn ascetically.  so whats the dilly?  Rite Aid don't have relapsation tapes.  oops I meant.  yeah.  they have Bobby D cd I amost bought but I have most of those songs they have the Best of Deep Purple (is there such a thing) sorry I like dp, and um ....the flik Big Chill wich id love to see again (I only seen about three hunnid tiems) but got no dvd playuh

i walked to rite aid, inside my head just about whipped off my neck when i saw this handsome African American man omg!  then ended up he were in back of me in line!  ooh law i was all fidgeting and raising up on the balls of my feet i could not keep still and tryin to wager a guess as to how to turn around slyly and get a better look at him.  i could not.  so i waited and when i was walking out the door turned around and super obviously stared right at him.  yup, im sophisticated like that.  that's Meegy.  full of glamour.  oops

then i cross the street by my apt and i just ... the evenin comin on and just lookin at the lights, and it smells still like the fires going on in two cities, and its so warm out, bootiful, and then the palm trees lining the street just flap their dry fronds against each other and it is ... magical, and i think, maybe this is my hope

i love you medhelp.

be wells.


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