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May 05, 2013 - 0 comments

just in case you were wondering, my skin cancer and high bp have not killed me yet.  but there's always tomorrow.

the anti krist was hideously ugly to me this morning.  you would double take if you heard the things he said to me.  im sure he meant well, though.  oh yes.  and after a while he texted me to apologize.  he also texted me goodnight.  he said to have a restful and good sleep, or something.  f*ck you, is my reply.  but so far i have refrained.

im alone here, and lonely.  i find that it is weird to be in my apartment, or should i say hotel room, during the day.  it is also weird to be here at night.  and it is weird in the wee hours of morning.  at night, however, i often find it creepily (is that a word?) lonely and just ... yeah i am faced with the yuck, eerie, and scary knowledge that i am here alone and i will be sleeping alone, unless you count Pac and Katy.  idk.  whatever.  i mean, ive gotten thru it so far.  and ... ok i was going to say something sarcastic but nevermind

um, i went to the market today and yesterday cuz i forgot lemons, lunchmeat, and Sweet Dreams tea.  and bananas.  and tuna fish.  i could not find scotch tape or a power strip at Food For Less.

omg the band Underworld is still around?  listening to Jason Bentley.  that guy is so smooth by now he is so in control.  i used to hate him, now i just have a sort of hearty dislike for him.  personally.  i think he's a great dj he just seems really into himself.

i got some really nice little tangerines, and some minneolas, nice galas (and yes i think that really is spit, rr), and a couple of red nectarines .... not ripe.  i also got four beautiful ears of corn for a dollar and i hope they are not sore and ringing.

yo ite, in tha mawnin i went hiking at that place south the boulevard i went with Char.  since she showed me how to walk up that one path (OM freakin G he is playing some more James Blake god i would not only sleep with that kid i'd listen to his music on a desert island any day!  wow!  creative, eclectic, soulful amazing voice omg i love him) to the fire road, i can take that hike like nobody's bidness, i think i had it inside of a hour, and i got to the fire road happy it was not that hot outside and then i walked down the road until i got to Santa Maria road, which is a lookout point sort of several paths converging, very coolio and beautiful, its rilly great.  i think it was about a hour and a half round trip and that was nice it got me out of that morning funk i get into and out of my head and woke up and sort of ... like endorphinny and such

i came home and showered, did chores, and like, um .. called the cable co.  yeah i caved.  i had got some money from the tax check and i got the whole deal on cable, i know it's like i missed the playoffs right and now im getting cable and i will have movies too but i was just like, ... i mean im getting divorced i need tv.  is there anything else to say?  no.  so yeah.  ill be stuck in here forever once i get it.  but im hopin ill someday get a dvd player and new tv cuz i still got this giant one its like the size of a small car.  its ridic

i was going to um ... oh yeah go out and get my fone fixed ... yeah!  but they couldn't fix it.  anyway i was going out, and i knew i was going to go to this funky vegetarian restaurant that's like famous here with MM at six or seven, so i got dressed for that then.  i had on my old jeans which are too big and this little white top which is really cute like embroided but like white on white, and i wear it over a tank top, this was also white, and lace, and i had my clogs on with the big a$$ heel

and when i went out my partment, Josh was comin home!  oh lor i always run into that guy now that i don't want to, well i guess i would hes across the hall direk from me.  he was all amped and full of life just strutting down the hall with a Subway bag and some other bags.  like 'HI!"  he's all exuberant.  i was like 'yuh hi im going out , leave me alone' and he was like 'how ru what you doin oh you going out' blah blah blah and i was like 'a huh' and he and i started talkin.  well somehows we get on the subject of skule oh yeah Josh was all yelling about how he just comed back from the comic book store down the street which ive seen on my walks.  i donut even care about comics i am like Yawn Stretch Josh a huh and he go "yeah im in grad skule at Cal ...University" im like WHAT rillydog!  no effin way!

well yeah check it, Josh is getting his masters in creative writing from MY alma mater!  im like 'hold up dog you CANT be getting your masters in creative writing from there I got MY masters in creative writing from there!  you cant be a writer!!! IM a writer!!!!"

yeah so we start talking and Josh whose attractiveness had nosed dived with the whole I Wont Help You Carry Your Water thing and I Ride Solo though i Have a Girlfriend suddenly shot up like 500 percent.  he began to go on and on and on and on about how i could 'switch up' my fiction into a comic book or graphic novel to increase the marketability.  

Listen, dog.  i thought .  I am not 'switching up' my fiction into anything so just shove that speech where the sun don't shine buddy

but i dint say that.   i actually was able to converse with some fluidity and grace due to the fact that i can surpass most other feelings of potential adversity when the subject of writing comes up.  i ask him 'do you work every day' and he told me oh say if i need to write 120 pages i just write five or six pages a day and then i got it in about three or four weeks.  he ask me if i am working on a novel right now.  i just about choked.  stuttered.  'uh ... ah ... um ... not now really i haven't really written in four weeks or so ...' he say "well you are in a period of huge transition' ... did he mean just with the move or does he know more?  GAH what is it written on my forehead Im Getting a Divorce jeeeezus!

so yeah.  it went down like that.  Josh could not stop yakkin on about the merits of the graphic novel which he called a 'comic book' and this irritated me to no end and he was just so into telling me 'fyi im not tryin to hold you up or anything i see your going somewhere'

YES im going to RADIO SHACK!  


so anyway it was interesting.  i found as i spoke to him that he is Way Younger than i had thought, maybe in his late twenties.  and now i have a total half hearted admiring grudge that he is a Working Writer and he told he has a vending machine type of deal going and works part time at night OMG Josh you go guy!

but i still don't really want him.

that much.

when MM and i went to the dope veggie place we saw this total QT omg he was like 19 or younger the guy who like pours refills and such ... busboy?  no.  idk.  anyway this kid was so freakin cute MM wanted to tell him that we wanted to put him in our pocket and take him home.  that was not quite how i would have put it.  oh gah.  he was this little guy, he had on the requisite Alternative Cool Beanie, or knit cap, he kept taking it off and repositioning it on his dear little head, and he was just so darling and fine featured and sweet  he was oh gah yeah.  not normally my type and kind of young even for me (huh who?) but very charming.


i had a spinach salad with walnuts and apples sort of waldorf redux and by the time we got home i was so hungry i could have eaten the whole apt bldg. and cranky as well ...  MM eats everything in her arms reach and they served her a sample of this like veggie chili with two spoons and she ate it all without offering me a smidgen.  no  i aint hungry

i got my nails done again ik its very awful of me and serislee i don't like formaldehyde on my body (oh but i have soy nail polish ... oh ty) and i got pink shiny very natural looking the lady said 'you have such nice nails' and MM loved it and the other day when i had this weird orange polish on (i was aiming for peach) the ac said 'i like your nails'  hm.  its a very strange thing this culture of Nails.  im not sure i like it.  but i do like this new color a very lot

i bought this inexpensive bracelet at the restaurant they have like a store there and its this very wide turquoise and black beaded deal, it fastens with the beads in these like circle loops and its very pretty i feel like a very Fancy Girl with it on and i bought Charlotte a cool composition book her birfday comin up and i will get her something else too

im tired.

medhelp i am alone here.  HEY do you hear me does anyone hear me im ALONE here!  i don't like it.  not one bit.

i have this big bed.  HEY everyone i have this BIG bed!  come on!  who wants to sleep with me?!  wait.  that came out wrong.

i think.

well, goodnight medhelp.  ill cu in the morning.




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