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mean men

May 07, 2013 - 0 comments

I think I hear Josh out in the hallway chatting up some guy.  he's prolly telling him how to switch up his fiction into a comic book.  omg

you know medhelp, we may be a bunch of addicts (speak for yourself meegy ok) but we have fun around here, don't we?  YEAH man, hells yeah!  I mean, you know that na saying if your bored in na ... blah blah blah.  well, I think we do a lot better than all them ppls ... ha!  yeah!!!

but its ben slow today, no?  what the heck is up, man?  where is everyone? is it like, some super holiday I forgot?  ummmm

this relaxation cd is really growing on me.  its nice to play it at night, especially after a rousing airing of nevermind.  I sort of treat nevermind as the ugly stepsister (sorry so sorry  kurt its not a dis really) mainly cuz its the most commercial and as kurt himself sed, a slick production, but if you can get thru caya (sorry kurt again) and the other few at the beginning you get a lot of amazingly sick a$$ great songs!  I made it loud and I think I knocked a few more decibels off my hearing range.  what what what ... can we go thrift store shopping?  macklemore?

this morning was quite Monday you sure can bet.  my new student Hidemi just took the placement and went home, the other teacher guy gave her the test cuz he said he felt giltee I always do it.  and we had several students out, including this new Saudi guy who just started last thurs.  not good.  but its aite.  im thinking, cuz I think Amy is gone, and Lee is leaving in two weeks to Saudi, maybe I could teach Intermediate yes yes yes!   pleeeeez but idk cuz the director is warped about s**t and she thinks teaching Advanced is more prestigious and for some dumb reason she also believes I am qualified to teach it.

yuhhhh .... during class it was just me and Lee, she began getting really into studying so we were plowing thru the text, which honestly as ive sed she does not need to learn, she knows all the grammar like the back of her hand and she's smart, and fast, and she's nearly fluent.  I was teaching the grammar, standing at the white board, and she goes, "You are really good."  I swear medhelp I know I am bad at teaching compliments, ok compliments in general, but the way she said it was so intense I nearly fell over and I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that there must be some mistake and she could not possibly be talking to or about me.  but I knew I couldn't look around cuz there was no one there.  and I did not want the compliment since I knew it was a lie, I became irritated even angry inside like I do when ppl tell me something really cool that I cannot take in.  and I was like, there is no way I am going to respond to that, and also I knew that she was prolly talking about some other teacher who was in her past, and I had not heard that part.  so I said, really quickly, 'thanks' and I looked at her like, did I just hear you fer rils?  and she goes 'you are.  I mean it.  you explain things so well.'  and then I had to process that she really did mean me and the compliment was for me.  then I was quite overcome and for several minutes just glad and pleased but I tried not to show it so I should not appear like greedy or indecorous.

I know.  I am insane.  I realize this.


I hardly got to see Charlotte, she was busy teaching everything in the book and the next book ... omg ... and then she had therapy after byebye

I drove straight to the doc from work.  I knew my bp would read high becuz I was nervous and stressed.  I was late, I ran up the stairs, they took me first.  it was this Indian like India Indian Dr whom I have seen in urgent care he is a sort of lame a$$.  sorry to say.  when I saw it was him I was like nooo oh no.  

so they took my bp it was 117/83.  oh.  well.  ok.  good!

but I told the guy what was going on, and he just began to babble about how I should monitor my bp, but the thing is its been at this level intermittently for years, its just I wasn't as worried about it and lately I am feeling weird when it happens like bands of pressure around my head and such ... and plus I read somewhere that if it goes high every once in a while on a reggaler basis and you let it go untreated BOOM you can drop dead anytime of a stroke after some years.  well!  I mean ... yeah!

he told me to buy my own cuff thingy which I am so NOT going to do I am not my mother and sides I cant afford it so there and then he said ... my bp was 'borderline' when it goes up and not anything to worry about and that everyone has higher bp when they are stressed or upset and that they don't increase your meds dose for borderline bp.

I was like rillydog.  you don't say.  because I drove all the way the f*ck out here in my old hood which I don't want to see and rushed my fine a$$ off to get here and talked to your foofy appointment center b*tch this morning at the crack of f*ckin dawn and SHE tried to set me up on a date with the ER nurse that's how scared SHE was that ima drop ded imminently and YOO are telling me basically a whole lot of NOTHING

I know im little but I swer I stood up and said "LISTEN marfaw, where did you study medicine?"  and he goes, deadpan, "DeVry" and that was when I grabbed his doctor coat and said "gimme this gee dam coat, take it off, TAKE IT OFF, marfaw!' and then I grabbed his clipboard out of his hands and smacked him on the head with it---

ok I didn't.  but he could see I was hopping mad I swear my hands were like clenched into fists and I was getting so angry and upset I know my bp went up and I almost lost it and just walked the f*ck out.  he was repeating, "you need to monitor and buy a cuff or go to the clinic --'  and finally I was just like 'Yeah.  yeah.  ok.  good.  good that's fine.. that's good.  ok thank you.'  and he saw I was about to blow a gasket and he was like 'ok!  ok if you take your bp and its up you can take one more half of Inderal.'

I was like THATS what im talkin bout!  jeezus

then he pulled up the stats on my last five bp readings and that one the day I tried to tell my pcp to cut the vicodin member it was like 155/99 or something?  I forget the bottom number.  he was like 'why is that one so high?'  I didn't touch it.  ummmmm ... but the rest were low, he was right whatever dude it was high in the past ok.  im not a idiot.

so we hashed it out and he was coolio with me after that and I calmed down and then when I went out to the nurses station for the debriefing, he was like 'come back in here.  come back here.';   I was like 'huh who me' and he said 'I know you.  I saw you for migraine in urgent care.'  yes. yes you did man you shot me up with a huge hypo of morphine I remember it took quite a while to talk you into it but I did ... im like 'yeah man I know you.'  he was like 'blood pressure goes high when you have migraine.'  ok!  let me go  jeez.

so that was fun!

when I got home I just felt different.  I credit a lot of this good difference to cik!  hallelujah!  ty!  I la ya.  yeah.  I do.  I felt like ... idk for the first time in a long time, more relaxed.  I wanted.  I wanted!!!! to go running.  and I did.  it was late, like six, and I got dressed, I did not fumble and feel yucky, I felt aite, and I went to the metrolink path and I ran down to the middle of the valley, towards the end I was tired but I felt so good in the first part, and even through like, more like myself yinnae?  I felt ... like a happenin chick!  I felt good.  inside.

not like that, god!  although my libido, which has been sluggish (well ... for me it has!  ) has improved yay!

um.  I got a bed.

ok im being good.


and also I came home and did my weights, haven't done those in a while.  then I was sitting on the couch, eating my lean cuisine ... I finished and like, sitting there listening to Kurty like .. hey man he was sooooooo f*ckin good, and I was all kurty was so great he did it all when he was so young he was smart about it ... and like, god im so old and now I done nothing good with my writing its all sitting in computers and boxes and I don't even write ... ima start writing tomorrow!  then I member mattj's status for so long was 'ima get clean tomorrow ' or something and I was like s**t Meegy sit your a$$ down on the floor and grab your new notebook and lets go!

and so I did.  it was, of course, a story about rr and the yellow hair.  ::sigh::  will I ever get that out of my system?

I fear, yes.

but I felts good!  doin all that.

and now im sooooooooooo tired I knows I m gonna sleep tonite

also you helped me assert myself and take care of myself and not let those two mean men get at me!!! yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  no offense mean men.  you are welcome to come back once you are Nice

im so tire

gotta get to bed

I love you!



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