May 08, 2013
Most people, myself included, are no stranger to bad hair days, but today I had a bad HEART day. It didn't start out as such; apart from a normal sprinkling of skipped beats, my morning was a pretty healthy one. It was around lunchtime that the clouds began to gather on the horizon. As I made myself a sandwich, I felt several skips in rapid succession, and then after I had eaten and was preparing to go out for coffee, the storm hit in full force. I considered staying home, but I decided that getting out of the house and doing something fun and relaxing would help. It did, in fact, but not before I'd felt about a zillion more PVCs/PACs (I don't know which, but I'm guessing a mix of both). Some of them were super long, and I was sitting with my hands clenched in horror round my coffee mug, waiting to keel over and be dragged through the door of the cafe by my lifeless ankles by one of the baristas. As I said, I eventually began to relax, and the skipped beats abated so that I was able to enjoy my coffee. However, I still can't shake the feeling that one of these times, a skipped beat is going to go on a nanosecond too long, or be followed by another before my heart has time to recover, and my heart will cease to beat. How can a healthy heart be this out of whack? And why?? I take such good care of myself! I eat a healthy diet (despite the occasional indulgence, but that's part of mental health, right?!), I exercise (not quite as much as I should, but who does?), I'm at a normal weight, and I have never drunk alcohol or taken drugs. And I'm only 24 years old! I should be basking in the glow of good health, and instead, I feel like I have one foot in the grave. Or near the grave, anyway.
I'm so frustrated right now. I was planning to travel to Europe in a couple of weeks, my very first trip abroad, and now I'm not so sure if I should go through with it. What if my heart started skipping while I was in the air, and the stress of not being able to do anything about it made the skipped beats worse and worse until my heart gave out? I hate to even think of cancelling this trip that has me so excited, but there's no point in being excited if I'm dead, right? Ugh. Well, at least it seems as if the PACs/PVCs are under control for the moment. I guess I should savour that moment for as long as it lasts. I can say one thing for sure: I'm never going to complain about unruly hair again!