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Caring about Others

Mar 30, 2008 - 6 comments

I have a condition that makes me sensitive to others and I don't know what it is lol. But, it also gets me in trouble. How am I supposed to be anyone but who I am? I have suppressed who I am for so long now, that I have become isolated and hurt even more but I don't know how to get back. When I was little I knew I was different from everyone else. I remember always being picked on and teased. I remember being a loner and playing by myself on the playground, but I didn't understand. I still really don't understand. I know there has to be a great number of wonderful people out there. I have been so hurt for so long, that I don't know how to trust like I used to. I used to trust anyone, to the point of foolishness. I used to talk to anyone about anything and this was how I was since I was very small. I talk a lot and always have, and have been ridiculed or judged because of it. Now, I feel that because of it there is something wrong with me rather than there being something right. Deep in my heart I know that whatever caused me to be an outcast as a child, to be clumsy then and clumsier now, to have bad coordination, to be sickly, etc...has really shaped how I am today. See, I write my feelings out on paper and I still am talkative, but I don't even bother making friends in person anymore because people don't understand me. I have OCD or obsessive traits, but I think it goes deeper than this. I have always cared about other people more than I have really ever cared about myself for the most part. I always try so hard to be polite, and don't ever want to hurt or offend anyone. Of course, I am so far from perfect and screw this up all the time, but I really do give it my all. I have only been using the internet for two months again. For a long time , I didn't hardly leave my room because it was too hard for me to even sit, or even type. I am an island unto myself or however the saying goes. I have a husband whom I love dearly , but I still feel like an outcast. Why am I like this? Why at 31, do I not even know why I am dealing with all that I am dealing with. I guess it doesn't really matter...but knowing why would help at least a little. Not knowing is the hardest thing for me to accept.

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465944 tn?1208666955
by blubell4921, Mar 30, 2008
caring about others is not a conditon but it means you have a heart lots of people in this world could use one you shouldn't be ashamed of this it is a gift that was given to you those who don't understand don't have to because it is your gift not theirs.  eveyone is faced with challenges in life some more than others how we cope and deal makes us who we are if more people cared like you then maybe there would be more hope god blessed you with the power to love use it don't be afraid of it god bless

424549 tn?1308515502
by ParamedFlorena, Mar 31, 2008
Sometimes I have this sneaking sense in me that if I do something good for another, it will give me energy to deal with my own in just a little while, tomorrow or later. We have to interect with others to feel as if we matter to them and to ourselves. It is giving us positive energies instead of letting us pace around in that negative which isn't self-developmental.
Who says we can't change and become the person we want to be?

Last summer I went through some horrible stress. I was left a lot of the daily management of my workplace to run it alone in many means while my boss sorted out other things. The flower-shop was out of people and the parlor was out of people. It was a massive stress!
Every morning I had to talk myself out of bed - and one of the motivations were: I'm through there in just a month, in 3 weeks, in two weeks.... I kept count.
Still, if I walked in my sadness to work without lifting my head and meeting others' eyes it was tough anyway. When I lifted my eyes and smiled "anyway" to people I met and greeted them, it made one huge difference. I could pretend in myself that "oh live! They do understand!".
I took a chance the last day on July and chose to quit the next day. I'd left my notification already in April, but it was strange to not go to work that day. It didn't feel like me at all. That day changed me very much. It was as if I fumbled in the dark to find the other me, and I sure as THAT hope I didn't pull out a Hitchcock sceleton!
There are days I simply can't fit myself into the person I became. Have to allow myself to be the one that led me here too...

I am one island, but it doesn't stop me from look up at the sky and see the shapes of the clouds. See, I see clowns and cakes all the time... That's what makes survival on this island possible. Follow the intentions, follow that one wicked thought to the end and let it make you smile.
The past makes us who we are today and tomorrow, but we don't live in its energies now anymore. We have the ability to change the energies of the past by knocking sense into it... Hm... Ok, now I am at it again ~sigh~
Good morning from Norway by the way.

Mmm, great coffee!

445362 tn?1206965718
by SickbutEmpowered, Mar 31, 2008
Thanks both of you. I got tears in my eyes now. My heart is too big for me lol
HUGS
LUV Chelle and peace

445362 tn?1206965718
by SickbutEmpowered, Mar 31, 2008
Norway, How I long for Norway....

Avatar universal
by medicmommy, Mar 31, 2008
Hello Chelle...Um...I "suffer" from the same thing...-It's called EMPATHY! If there were more people in the world that had more of it, it would be a much better place...I, like you, have had similar trials in life...I was fortunate to find my "niche"...I became a Paramedic...My job not only encompasses taking care of badly injured and distressed people, but also gives me the opportunity to show kindness to those who need it the most...The guys at work tease me because I have "pets" (little old people at nursing homes and in the area I work) that I know by name, know their families, and say "Hi" and give them hugs every chance I get when we stop by their areas...The folks in the nursing homes must feel so invisible...just having people walk past them all day without even saying a kind word...
And I look at homeless people, and wonder what has happened in their lives that they have nothing...No one to care for them, no place to sleep...it's easy to condemn them because they are often dirty, high, and ill behaved...I've learned not to judge them...For, life happens, and that may be me on the street someday, when the only thing that gives me hope is the kind word of a stranger...
I too have a tendency to trust when I shouldn't...There are some really malicious people in the world, who just choose to be that way...because it makes them feel powerful when they hurt people...We cannot let ourselves be victims to these...I believe that inside, these people are miserable, and their destructive behavior gives them a "black spot" on their hearts...
Well, I'll get off my soap box now...I just wanted to let you know, you aren't alone..

445362 tn?1206965718
by SickbutEmpowered, Mar 31, 2008
Thank you you guys all of you. I just feel like I am not normal or something because people have given me a hard time in my life about how sensitive I am in general. I am tired today. HUGS

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