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Changing all I know

Jun 14, 2013 - 1 comments








Wow, reading some of the things that mother's post on here make me so worried about if I will be able to do the same for my child. I am so scared to end up like mine. Both my parents were doing speed and alcohol with me by the time I was 18, and my mom was even helping me slam it. Now I quit the drugs, the drinking, the entire lifestyle, and its all I ever really known and been around. And yes I have some good influences in my life like the family I moved and am staying with to stay clean, but in the back of my mind all day everyday is the craving and the wanting of going home. Yes I think I want to go back and stay around positive influences, but what happens if I see some ld friends that are getting loaded and it makes me want to do it just one more time, which it never is just that. And I am so off the hook when I am getting loaded. I don't stay inone place, I go to the extreme. And the most scariest thing is that if I have such cravings and wantings, will I be strong enough to overcome it for my child and be the mother I never had, and want to be? I don't want to expose him to any harm and like my mom always said tome, "Its in your blood to do drugs and be a **** up".I don't want him to not ever have a chance because of me because I never had one. I want to give him a childhood. I don't want him to be doing pills and drinking in school, and then by 18 doing speed with my mom and dad. Dating their friends. Its just not a life that is worth living. But why is it so easy to miss? I am just very scared.

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by ROSYouralright, Sep 10, 2013
I just came across this entry. As a parent I am scared often times as well! I'm sorry to hear about all that you have been through!! Its NOT in your blood to be  **** up and YOU have the power to break the viscous cycle! Being alert and aware is half the battle!! Please don't put your self in the situation to where you will be off and running! Hey, we ALL make mistakes! The important thing is that we learn something from them....your son is lucky because he has a mom who is trying so hard for his sake!! Addiction is an everyday battle. Keep your guard up and know your triggers. When u think of using just think of your child and of the way you felt when your parents were using. You have the strength to win the fight!! Best of luck to you!

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