Jun 17, 2013
My daughter Serena texted me a message yesterday, it said "Even though today is Father's Day mama, thank you for everything. You are the best mom ever and I'm so lucky you are my mama. I love you!!"
It of course made me cry Despite everything, I have been a good mom. My kids like to be near me, we still snuggle and hug and all their friends like to be here, and love me. The biggest thing is that the methadone makes me not want to go anywhere. I have robbed my kids of the real me. When they were little and before I started the pain pills, we were never home. I was always taking them to the park or the beach or picnics, camping. Now I just sit home. Very shortly my daughter will be 16 and my son 12. I have so little left of their childhoods. That is why I am so determined to get off the methadone. I want to spend the rest of my life as the mom I started out to be. I want to go to the beach with them again and go camping again. I want some day (NOT SOON) to be an awesome grandmother. I am blessed to have my kids. God waited a long time to give them to me. It wasn't until I stopped drinking and went to AA that I finally got pregnant with my daughter. 4 years later my son. I have to remember how depressed and alone I was before I had them. They are my life. I want to again be the BEST mom I can be, not just a good mom. They deserve nothing less than that, and so do I !!!