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I am not going around the mountain ANYMORE!!

Apr 14, 2009 - 0 comments

So how long will it be before I am sane again...Was I ever sane to begian with was it all just a dream? Before all this pill popping taking I thought I had a pretty good life now I am just waiting around to see when is the next dosage or if i am going to die today because something is wrong with my body... How much do doctors know when someone who has no idea about pills, who has never taken a pill in their life then ends up in a car accident all of a sudden giving you these pills but has no knowlage about what it was that I was putting in my body or how hard it is going to be when you decide to stop (talking about myself) Telling you to come back in 2 weeks for what more pills. From 1 car accident I now have PTSD and I am BP I am an addict to pain killers.... Why now?? Why not when I younger and had the energy to stay posative the energy to fight... I read and read, Why do I not find the answer to my questions? I just turned 35 and I have WASTED 5 years of my LIFE looking for the next pill.......... I HAVE HAD IT!!!!!!!!!! I may not find the answers I am looking for... I was put on this earth for a purpose and it was not for this ....... If before we were ever born we were given the choice to what kind of life we would be living, the struggles that we would face on this earth " I must have chosen this body for a reason " I have made mystakes but the biggest mystake was not because i took that first pill it is because i did not do my homework and look at what I was putting in my body and how it was going to affect my life long term and I continued to pollute my body, I am enslaved I am an addict......  OK so maybe their is hope for me I am going down "weaning"  I can not save the world but if I can save me (not being selfish) I know I CAN DO IT!! I gave up on the docters "help" because they never gave it to me they handed me "poison" I am now going to handle this my way and the Lords way......... The lord knows that I am a sinner and an addict so now I am just going to hand my life over to him...... If I have to flush the pills I will, if I loose my job it was never ment for me to have but I will have my life back! I think I am just going to do this the way I should have did it along time ago CT a couple weeks and I am done...... I am not going to keep going around the mountain anymore! I will continue to just put my thoughts out their for my reasons " to keep myself motivated"

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