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Driven By Guilt

Jun 28, 2013 - 10 comments
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"Many people are driven by guilt. They spend their entire lives running from regrets and hiding their shame. Guilt-driven people are manipulated by memories. They allow their past to control their future. They often unconsciously punish themselves by sabotaging their own success."

By: Rick Warren
( Day 3 of Purpose Driven Life)

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4810126 tn?1503942735
by EvolverU, Jun 28, 2013
Thanks ABN!

I've been thinking a lot about this very subject, lately. Do you believe that guilt/self-sabotage can be a learned behavior? From familial environment or from early, consistent browbeating/guilting? I'm interested to hear your thoughts on this.

A.

4113881 tn?1415850276
by ActingBrandNew, Jun 28, 2013
Hey Annie,

I do believe it can be a learned behavior but more importantly I believe that (in an addicts) this occurs self consciously more than not. Its only when we (I) fund myself up shhhh creek that I become aware of it. I believe our (my) addictive nature/tendencies manifest through our (my) guilt.

I am a very guilt ridden person...Ive done some horrible things in my lifetime that can eat me alive if I allow it. I guess the key is awareness and the processing that guilt in a positive way.

Just some thoughts anyway.

4810126 tn?1503942735
by EvolverU, Jun 28, 2013
Thanks E,

So, you're saying that your guilt/shame was a trigger? You see, for me, the self-sabotage/recklessness was already in place before (I believe from familial environment & consistent 'browbeating'/verbal ) I too, have done stuff that I wish I could erase -- (any IV'er worth their salt has these regrets as you well know [unless they're borderline personalities or something.)


Could you give me an example of processing guilt in a positive way?




4113881 tn?1415850276
by ActingBrandNew, Jun 28, 2013
Im still learning how to process guilt....that would probably be a decent forum topic. I know the NA/AA ers do it through the 12 steps. Ive worked them with a sponsor vigorously back in the day (multiple times) yet still was "unsatisfied" so to speak. Ive used therapy that has helped in the process of coming to terms with myself but I guess the most success Ive had has been through spirituality. Ive learned to forgive others which in turn has helped me to forgive myself.

Maybe trying to purge oneself of guilt and shame is a futile task...maybe accepting the things that cause the guilt and shame and then learning how to live with it would produce better results...I dont know.

I do know that the above Rick Warren passage stuck out to me because Ive always managed a slow struggle to build things up and then tare it all down over night. Sabotaging my own success because I dont deem myself worthy consciously OR subconsciously? An interesting perspective and something to consider.

I would definitely sum up guilt and shame as a potential trigger....yes.

4810126 tn?1503942735
by EvolverU, Jun 28, 2013


I agree that it would make an EXCELLENT forum topic (& an unusual one!) I definitely hear you on the feelings of unworthiness! I know that is the genesis of my self-sabotage. Anger/shame, etc. are all wrapped up in it for both of us I do believe. (please, correct me if I'm overstepping, here) I too, have found spirituality to be the most potent form of self-transformation. I've worked hard on 'forgiving others' piece & have made huge strides that way but still get stuck on forgiving myself. I find that I go backwards when I don't do 'compassion' meditations (for myself & others). I think it's a lifelong path & that if we stop we regress. It's like a piece of paper that's been folded in half -- no matter how you may smooth it out -- iron it, whatever, when stress/triggers come into play it folds along that fault line.

547913 tn?1317355667
by jimi1822, Jun 28, 2013
Wonderful post =0)

4522800 tn?1470325834
by VICourageous, Jun 28, 2013
I agree. Just been Lurking at it.

4113881 tn?1415850276
by ActingBrandNew, Jun 28, 2013
Annie,

No correction needed...you have not over-stepped, in fact I believe we are on the same page here. I just wanted to add/say that I agree with all you've said especially " I find that I go backwards when I don't do 'compassion' meditations (for myself & others). I think it's a lifelong path & that if we stop we regress. It's like a piece of paper that's been folded in half -- no matter how you may smooth it out -- iron it, whatever, when stress/triggers come into play it folds along that fault line."

It is a lifelong path....no room for complacency whatsoever.


4810126 tn?1503942735
by EvolverU, Jun 28, 2013
I would term complacency & apathy as actual mechanisms of self-sabotage! (I know apathy has been in my case)

Thanks very much for this post & taking the time to chat with me today.

Always an honor!

Annie

4113881 tn?1415850276
by ActingBrandNew, Jun 28, 2013
Likewise Annie

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