All Journal Entries Journals
Previous | Next

Methotrexate danger/decreasing Immune System :( & a backstabbing friend lol

Jun 30, 2013 - 0 comments

just found out Methotrexate shots, decreases your immune system :( I can actually move,its amazing,heard many stories on how it affects your other organs as well. I've been on & off w/ new med {Sapris},I've never heard nor seen an advertisement about it,prescribed by my shrink,for my anger issues,I'm so scared of leaving my arpt, btw menopause,depression,fibromylgia,my environment (an ex I dumped 7 yrs ago! still Haunts me,& hangs out @ the bar below my aprt! Move on Dude) makes me miserable,angry_ a huge trigger! uurrghh  God why!!  The Inhumanity!! lol..
Paranoid increasing,very aggressive behavior defensive,feeling of being used,I know I have to let go,this is why I'm going back on Saphris, hopefully I won't grow a tree branch Outta my chest :/ !!! yrs ago,I was on  Zyprexa sight effect> I have grinding of my teeth & a crooked jaw.. sheesh!! lol
must say saphris does work,(w/ anger bt still depressed) I remember  last summer,while cooking I dropped an olive on the floor!I I Screamed bloody murder, what didn't I called that Olive! Customers from the cafe across from me heard, friends @ the cafe called me on the phone, asked if it was me yelling! I said "yea, I dropped a (@#$%) olive!! they invited me to join them, smoke a hookah. I don't drink.I'll stick to this nasty medication..

a friend I would risk my life for, turned on me when my mother past, she called me once & sent me a xmas card, she stomp on my heart, I was a good friend, she would call I would never hang up on her, even if it meant i was late for work, she was there when I had my daughter, we were friends for 26 yrs.we had the perfect friendship,.then I became angry cut a few more friends out, went on a face book deleting frenzy as well LOL!!  I'm outta my mind too, :/ @ my age, I'm done, my best friends are dead :( when I feel nostalgic,I miss them so much,such fun,I start to cry,can't help feeling guilty_it rips me apart..I have abandonment issues.. big time..
where was I? I also jump all over the place it's hard to understand anything I write/or say.I'm very confused,my mother died of Alzemiers,it does cross my mind,perhaps I will develop dementia..if you're reading this, bless you, & your pateince..I forget everything, or catch myself hiding items,then I forget where I placed them,
   I remember things 45 yrs ago,LOL but not current...go figure..I can have a conversation w/ you a few mins ago,& I'll forget, makes me very frustrate,ashamed,__ on another note, you can tell me all your secrets b/c I WILL forget IBS is ruining my Life! since 2008_from May_June, I get attacks.Bloated ribs hurting pure hell,I have bentyl. but  it constipates me :(  In need of hep C txt..dr won't touch me unless I'm on a decent antidepressants, my shrink urgh..lucky if he looks up @ me..on xanaxs 1 mg as well works quickly when I'm having  a fit,panic attacks starts..also getting more phobias..worry 24/7 of things that haven't happened yet.."oye vey" I don't expect a reply lol it just so draining to figure out what I'm tryin to say_ it takes me 4ever to pick out a meal..on a breakfast menu!! ..making up my mind is a mission..I'm ALL OVER THE PLACE_

Post a Comment