Jul 03, 2013
Rang psych on 17th June, to send me scripts for valium & zopiclone. 1 week later, no scripts. Rang again. Receptionist said a strange thing. She said all she can do is give the message to the psych & the psych posts them herself. Then she told me "Don't blame me if you don't get your scripts". Hmm, very strange thing to say. This psych did this to me back in March when I was withdrawing from Tramadol. So, for the sec to say that means this psych must've done this to her other patients. It's just as well I took less than the 3 & a 1/2 prescribed most days. I'd been having 2 - 2 & a 1/2. No script,, so had to take even less for 2 weeks, then they finally ran out. So from 2 a day to nothing! I'd also just stopped taking zopiclone. I'd had enough of tapering the dose. Stopped when I was at 1/4 of a 7.5 mg tab. 6 sleepless nights & some anxiety (well, lots & all that goes with it, nausea etc). Got over it. THANK GOD! I was supposed to have an appt with the psych, but I rang & cancelled (got the ans mach, darn!). She hasn't rang back to see if I wanted to reschedule, or even about the scripts. I was going to have great delight in saying "No thank you". Been off valium since last Friday. Well Sunday really. Had none Sat, then found one under my hankies in the drawer. I quickly threw it back in & told myself to think about for a couple hours. I knew it was a test. I'd been struggling a little, nothing major tho, that day, & within in 10 secs, I gave into to the temptation, bit the tiniest bit, not even a 1/4, threw the rest in the drawer. Within an hour, I felt so depressed, & it did NOTHING to calm the bit of jitters I had. It was a great reminder for me, that all valium ever did for me was make me depressed, so if 4 that I WAS on, did nothing to calm me, how would a teensy bite do it. I went & threw the rest of the tab in the rubbish bin. Phew! I felt so good about that. Then Sun was another test. I thought I'd cleaned out my drawer, to make sure there wasn't any valium left. I was sure there was no zopiclone (ambien), & there was a a full tab in my drawer, under my anti-dep (which will be the next thing I'll be weaning off). Well!! I had no qualms about throwing that out right away. Later on that night I thought I'd better clean out my drawer properly. I wanted NOTHING of those 2 meds to tempt me again. Blow me down if there wasn't a full box of ambien right at the back. Realized I had that because I'd been tapering my dose of it & hadn't had to open that box yet. Well, straight in the rubbish with that too! I was so thrilled that I'd passed 3 tests, 1, to keep taking the rest of that valium tab or throw it out. i did! 2nd, of course was throwing the zop right away, 3 to even throw a full box in the bin.Had no valium since Sat. since. Mon & Tues were wonderful! Joy was bubbling up inside me, I was calm, peaceful, & I praised the Lord! Haven't felt such joy for a long, long time, like 30 yrs. Now, since 10.114 yesterday, anxiety hit me full bore. Woke in with fright feelings this morn, at 6.30ish. Turned the TV on. I knew Joyce Meyer would be on, so turned the channel to watch her. Amazing! She was talking about fear. I know I've slipped, as I didn't pray right away when I woke, & the devil got at me (thoughts that made me feel scared). Then after her, Pastor Benny Hinn was teaching about the 12 evil spirits, & all their minions. One of them was 'heaviness', with the minions being fear, gloominess etc. So 2 teachings God has provided me. I've been putting off talking to a Salvoation Army counselor that my Salvo friend said could help me as I grow in my faith & walk with Jesus, my new journey. I'm going to ring her. Still got the flu somewhat, achy all over, tummy pains, chest infection, so I'm not physically well either. Taking good care of myself tho, eating right, taking supps & extra vit C etc. Must eat more raw garlic. Back is killing me with the arthritis. Will lay down now. Feeling much better. Drinking calming vervain herbal tea, taking herbal valerian, will drink another type of calming herb tea with hops, passionflower, chamomile & other herbs after this. All helping, plus doing something positive also helps, knowing I can talk to someone, especially a Christian counselor, will help. So, I'm taking positive steps again. I know God doesn't expect me to be perfect, & that I'll fall now & then, but as I learn to trust Him fully, I can stop negative thoughts, replace them with positive ones. Where the mind goes, the man will follow! I also know that my neurotransmitters are probably a bit scrambled & out of balance at the mo, bc I've had no valium for 5 - 7 days, but will get thru this. Going to thank the paych, as it's forced me to stop valium cold turkey, so really, she's done me a favour. Will write her a lovely letter, not sarcastic or nasty, thanking her AND explain why!