Apr 19, 2009
The reality of accepting my disabilities: I have days when I am somewhat okay with them, but I am sorry to say that does not happen very often. My hubby is having the same feelings. But I know he is also dealing with the fact that he can't take away the pain, and that things are so different after 36 years together. And I wish he and our kids did not have to go through this. But we are a family that loves each other, we will be fine it is just going to take time,love and letting God guide us.
I no longer want my old life back. When Mike my hubby bought my little red power scooter with our tax refund and we brought it home. I decided it was a sign for new beginnings. After I got over the shock of finally having my own scooter. Then I realized Shar this does mean you really do have disabilities and as much as I don't want to admit it I know it I need to start learning how to safely get through my days.
This I realize is not going to be an easy, not that it has been easy years ago. I am scared, very scared I know my health has gotten worse, a lot more worse. A year ago I did not have to walk with a cane, now I do as well as the power scooter. My doctor is afraid I could fall again and break something like I did I did last October when I lost my balance and broke my foot. It is healed mostly, but I can still feel exactly where it broke. I don't sit all day, I try to do some light house chores which usually takes me most of the day, Use to take me 2 to 3 hours. I get so tired and that frustrates me.
My latest health issue is falling asleep anywhere- when I am eating, my hubby could be talking to me, being on the computer. When it comes to sleeping at night cannot do it and I am suppose to be using my CPAP device for Sleep Apnea. I am going to try to get an appt. with my IM Dr. he said he would give me cortisone shots in my right knee, I want to talk to him about the sleeping problem, and my chronic pain. He has me on Morphine now but it wears off early.
This heat is doing me in. I do not do well in the heat. It was 90 today in San Diego. We have a window A/C in our living room. That helps unless it gets as hot as it did today.
I am thankful to be here, but I still get mad as hell at the car accident I was in 40 yrs ago, it is the cause of all the health problems I have had all these years and now are worse.
I am thankful to have my forum family and all the support, caring I have gotten here. You all have made me feel so safe. I need a safe place that I can be myself, say what I need to say. My love goes to all of you. So as one of my friends here has suggested, take baby steps until I am ready to take bigger steps to deal with everything. So that is what I am trying to do. Please be patient with me. So Many of you are dealing with much more serious health issues, I admire you all. All of you are what keep me going. I have been on my knees a lot lately talking to God and putting my life in his hands as well as my family. And prayers that he will ease all of our pains.
You all are such a part of my life, and you do help me in many ways which get me through every day of my life. I pray that I help some of you, that is important to me.
Love to all, Sharj