Jul 31, 2013
It's been awhile since I've written a journal and although writing usually helps me with my feelings, I've been too unmotivated to do anything.
In the last couple of weeks I've questioned everything I ever believed in. I'm not sure what to believe in anymore. I use to have faith now I can't seem to find it. I don't understand why this is happening and why now. I can't stand having no control and not in a position to do anything to change the circumstances. I feel robbed. I feel cheated. I feel defeated.
Why can't my mom have a life filled with happiness? Why can't God give this to her? Why does he have to put her through this? I know many of us have been told this is God's plan and we have to accept it. I'm sorry I just can't. I want him to change his plans - give us more time, give my mom her life back. Please. I've done nothing but beg the last two weeks - I don't simply pray - I beg. I'm not sure praying or begging has even been heard. But I'll keep begging if I have to.
The only hope I have right now is this new dr she is seeing. Although he did not offer much as in hope for remission, he did offer some options. My biggest hope is Sloan Kettering. The appointment is August 23rd. Please let my prayers, I mean my begging me heard.
Dear C, Please go away, who invited you anyway? We don't want you in our lives, please leave us alone.
If anyone has had or known someone with Stage 4 Uterine Cancer and has had any success in treatments, doctors, cancer centers, please let me know.
You know what, I don't feel any better writing this.