All Journal Entries Journals

Dear Cancer - Who the hell invited you?

Jul 31, 2013 - 10 comments



Uterine Cancer


Sloan Kettering

It's been awhile since I've written a journal and although writing usually helps me with my feelings, I've been too unmotivated to do anything.  

In the last couple of weeks I've questioned everything I ever believed in.  I'm not sure what to believe in anymore.  I use to have faith now I can't seem to find it.  I don't understand why this is happening and why now.  I can't stand having no control and not in a position to do anything to change the circumstances.  I feel robbed.  I feel cheated.  I feel defeated.  

Why can't my mom have a life filled with happiness?  Why can't God give this to her?  Why does he have to put her through this?  I know many of us have been told this is God's plan and we have to accept it.  I'm sorry I just can't.  I want him to change his plans - give us more time, give my mom her life back.  Please.  I've done nothing but beg the last two weeks - I don't simply pray - I beg.  I'm not sure praying or begging has even been heard.  But I'll keep begging if I have to.  

The only hope I have right now is this new dr she is seeing.  Although he did not offer much as in hope for remission, he did offer some options.  My biggest hope is Sloan Kettering.  The appointment is August 23rd.  Please let my prayers, I mean my begging me heard.  

Dear C, Please go away, who invited you anyway?  We don't want you in our lives, please leave us alone.  

If anyone has had or known someone with Stage 4 Uterine Cancer and has had any success in treatments, doctors, cancer centers, please let me know.  

You know what, I don't feel any better writing this.  

Post a Comment
790669 tn?1465189099
by Des_a_rae, Jul 31, 2013
I cannot even begin to imagine how you're feeling.  I do want you to know how sorry I am that you're having to go through this and especially your mom.  I don't know what I'd do if it were my mom.  I do know that I'd be angry also.  Very angy, sad, cheated..everything you described.  It's truly not fair and we don't know why these things happen.  I'm by no means comparing what you're mom is going through to infertility, but I have often wondered why so many people who drink, do drugs, don't work and so forth have soo many kids they give up, abort and abuse. I just don't understand and no one can give us the answers to either.  Please know I'm praying, praying with everything I have that mamajourney gets some good news.  Praying Sloan Kettering is able to give you some hope, something to hold on to and most of all look forward to.  Please my heart is with you all.

1386655 tn?1452097056
by journey2motherhood, Jul 31, 2013
Thank you for your prayers.  It's funny I prayed for my miracle ttc;  I never thought I'd have to pray for another.

790669 tn?1465189099
by Des_a_rae, Jul 31, 2013
But now you know miracles do happen. :)  

1386655 tn?1452097056
by journey2motherhood, Jul 31, 2013
You have a point :-)

1351078 tn?1416313146
by retta483, Jul 31, 2013
praying im so sorry cancer ***** !!

1272624 tn?1395434357
by plumber43, Jul 31, 2013
I hear you! I will pray for your family too!  I'm so sorry you are in pain. I lost my dad suddenly and never got the chance to say the things I wish I could have! Pull her close to you and make sure you make every day special! (In your own way)
Cancer $ucks!
Love Mel

463897 tn?1468013750
by MH Community Mgr, Aug 01, 2013
Our thoughts are with you and your family.  Please let us know if we may be of assistance.  Wanted to share this link which may be helpful for you - it's a free, live health chat that starts in a few minutes with the Cleveland Clinic

Cancer Therapy: Can It Hurt Your Heart?

Best in Health,
MH Community Mgr

1386655 tn?1452097056
by journey2motherhood, Aug 01, 2013
Thank you so much ladies for all of your support and prayers.  It's so nice to have this place to come and share our feelings knowing I have made such great friends here.   I'm trying to stay hopeful and positive.  It's so hard, some days are good and some are not.  I guess its just about taking one day at a time.  

631676 tn?1333718203
by usuk, Aug 01, 2013
I am so sorry. My mom died at 49. I was 20. She had a huge brain tumor. Drs kept telling her it was menopausal headaches. WTF. By the time she was correctly diagnosed to her death was 3 weeks. She was never even diagnosed correctly. But she also never really knew what happened it was all so fast and full of drugs.

I am so sorry that all of you know what it is, where it is, how bad it is. Especially for her.

My Aunt bravely battled ovarian cancer and then after a re-occurence in the end - she decided/accepted that life would come to an end in her own house with no more Drs. She was 64. It was the opposite of my mom. She got to take charge and do what she wanted. So I have seen both sides of this.

Sloan is the very best you can do for her. The rest is really up to her. Her will, her strength, her faith. I know it's hard. Keep kicking and screaming for her. God bless your family.


1571146 tn?1399909692
by Moma_Cher, Aug 22, 2013
Oh this is so difficult! I'm so sorry this is happening! I pray you get some hope from sloan. I looked them up and they look like the best place your mom could go. Looks like it's been a long wait for this appointment! Almost time, one more day!! Good luck and keep me updated please.

Post a Comment