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Hiding in plain sight

Aug 27, 2013 - 1 comments

Overwhelmed, freaking out, emotional melt down, everyone thinks they understand them and also what someone should look like too but if your an Aspie, you can be experiencing that and other people really don't have a clue that you are. Imagine how confusing it would be, when you start shutting down and disconnecting, no longer functioning normally (your normal), because interacting with a your last customer (the last stranger) triggered your fight or flight and threw you into crisis.

I believe shutting down is a form of self preservation, shutting out the world, deigning access of what ever has become too much. I'm sure everyone has at some time in their life, felt the need to tune out and escape, and be alone for awhile but if you have ASD (Autistic spectrum disorder) you need it as much as breathing and its not once in a blue moon but every single day. DD often gets overwhelmed by people, people really only have a little bit of predictability and when you don't have the automatic unconscious understanding of all the unwritten social norms, dealing with different people for hours and hours, will throw her into crisis on a daily basis.

When people think of Autism, they don't often think of the spectrum of ability, in their minds eye someone Autistic is either obviously behaving abnormal and cognitively disabled or the truly rare servant, who's still obviously disabled but they have a unbelievable skill that defies logic.  You don't usually think of someone who doesn't 'look' like they are stereotypically Autistic. Socially inept, eccentric or weird are some of the more common descriptions of a male Aspie but for a female Aspie, they are usually even more normal than not and it's more common for them to be thought of as being really shy, hormonally moody, or having psychological issues.

DD is a pretty curvy blond who blushes and smiles sweetly and when people see or interact with her, they wouldn't think she's Autistic in a million years but she is. I think of her as a true innocent, because she's incapable of manipulating anyone, and can't recognise it when its happening. Its a concept she will never do or even think of because she doesn't understand that side of human nature.  lol females can be very complicated and confusing for an Aspie, and for a long time she found males easier friends but eventually all her male friends started behaving differently and looking at her strangely and she didn't have a clue why. hmmmmmm sexually education takes on new meaning, when you really have to explain why 16 yr old boys are actually behaving normally, if they do look at a girl 'strangely' lol a decade older and she still doesn't understand normal behaviours.

Autism hiding in plain sight, flapping hands maybe the more widely recognised visual display of Autism but spare a thought to the Aspies of the world that don't look stereotypically Autistic but are freaking out in their heads, and all you see is stand off ish body language.  


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1689801 tn?1333983316
by Dagun, Aug 27, 2013
Hi JJ, I understand you so well, my 16 years old daughter is an aspie. Thin, blond, nice looking ballerina that no one would think as being an aspie. Unless something happens that makes it obvious, but still then many just think she is strange or weird and she loses the friends she has usually after a while. Sometimes they stick around for some time but then they give up.

I wish you and your daughter all the best in this complicated world. I´m hoping things get easier as they get older (like over 30+) and more calm (not all those hormons and crazy feelings). Because now when this is diagnosed, it would maybe be easier to learn about life and people even though it will always be difficult.

I have a mother in law that is definitly an aspie but has never been diagnosed and would never admit to it. She has been loosing friends all her life, everyone gives up on her. I often think how different it would be if she knew it when she was young and how much it would have changed her mood and understanding that she is like she is. Instead she goes around thinking she is "so perfect" and everybody else is such a bad person. I seem to understand her the best of her family (4 sons and 4 daughters in law).

My husband is also an aspie but it is not as much noticeable in men, because they are thought to be normal when they are not so good at communication. He knows carplates (numbers) from all around us, if we go travelling he says "this is a car from our neighbourhood" "this is a car from one of the ballerina´s parents" :). But I first figured this out when I hurt myself badly when we were building our house, and he just stood there, did not know how to react! Did not hug me or talk to me or anything, so when thinking back it explained so much. But now when he knows, he makes sure to say " oh dear how are you?" or something like that when I maybe like kick my toes to furnitures or hurt myself :)  it sounds SO silly when he says it!

Well, sorry for my very bad English here, but I hope you get the most of it.
Wishing all the best for you and your daughter,

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