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Why does everyone think I'm too skinny?!

May 04, 2009 - 20 comments

I went to pick up Trevor from daycare this afternoon, and was in a bit of a hurry. When I got there, his class was outside playing, so I rushed in to his classroom to get his lunchbox and papers, and his teacher was in there vacuuming. I smiled and nodded as I briskly walked past her to Trevor's cubby.
She looked up at me and I kid you not, her mouth dropped open and she looked astonished when she saw me. She turned off the vacuum and her expression changed from astonished to curious and concerned. I stopped in my tracks and looked at her with a puzzled look on my face like, "What? Is there a booger on my face or something?"
She seemed like she didn't want to say anything, but it was too late to not say anything given the expressions we had at this point. So she said, "Are you doing alright lately?"
Okay, this really threw me for a loop. With a really confused smile, I replied, "Yeah. Why?"
She said, "Oh. You just look...I guess...you look...are you losing weight? You look thinner every time I see you."
Once again, I was taken aback. It's not like I look anorexic. And what the heck?! She sees me every weekday and it's not like my appearance has drastically changed over the weekend. In fact--it hasn't changed at all.
I said, "Ummmm, no? I don't think I have. I keep a pretty consistant weight as far as I know."
She looked like she didn't believe me. She said, "You look like you're rapidly losing weight, especially around your waistline and jawline."
"I do? Huh. Well, no...I haven't been trying to lose weight."
She said, "You must be very active and have a high metabolism. I'll bet you're one of those who can eat anything you want."
I said, "Well, I do taekwondo a couple times a week, and that's a pretty good workout. And yeah, I can eat pretty much whatever I want, but that's not such a great thing because it's hard to resist bad eating habits sometimes."
It seemed by then that she was attempting to make the conversation as complimentary as possible, and was saying things like I definitely didn't need to worry about losing any weight and that was for sure. She really was trying to be nice about it. I'm sure she never intended to insult me.
I'm not insulted by her, but moreso at how this goes in general with people on such a regular basis. I just don't understand why I get comments like this so often. I have maintained a very healthy weight and figure as far as I'm concerned, but I always get comments from people like they think I'm too skinny and always say things like I need to gain weight.
Heck no! I maintain a weight of 124-128 lbs and I'm 5' 5"--according to my BMI, I'm exactly right in the mid-range of a healthy weight. I wear a pants size 6-9, depending on the brand of pants. To me, I feel a little on the "bigger" side. Not bigger as in feeling overweight, but built bigger, with a wider bone structure which I think makes my rear end look a bit wider than I'd prefer. Heck, in my perfect world, I'd weigh about 115 lbs and be a pants size 2-5. Yet I know if I actually achieved that, then people would have a genuine right to be concerned.
But good grief, I'm not anorexic, I don't have an eating disorder, and I'm a healthy weight. And somehow, not a week goes by without someone saying that I could stand to gain a few pounds, or make some insulting comment like I'm a "stick figure," or even the "You're so skinny you make me sick."
Well, I'm SO sorry I make you sick with my figure. Thanks for comparing yourself to me and putting me down to build yourself up.
Then what's worse is that I actually make a huge effort to eat healthy. Yes, I enjoy eating low-fat/low-sugar foods and fruits and veggies for snacks, and getting diet Coke because it's not so sugary. But I get cut down for that, too! So I also eat my fair share of fast food and snack foods. But then if I eat any of that, I get dirty looks and snide comments like, "You can eat what you want now, but it'll catch up to you one day."
I am so sick of people thinking there's something wrong with me, or just being downright rude because they don't like how *they* look.
I hate talking about weight, exercise, and eating habits with people, because it NEVER fails that I'm the one to get cut down. I hate going out to eat with people. I can't win one way or the other with what I wear, either: If I wear fitted clothes, people see how "anorexic" I am, and if I wear baggy clothes, I get comments on how I'm drowning in my clothes and why don't I wear stuff to show off my "cute figure."
Aaaggghhhh! I'm perfectly happy with the way I am, people! But what I can't stand is that I can't go ANYWHERE without getting put down or getting "concern" for my weight! Why can't people just mind their own business and keep their stupid comments to themselves?
It would be so much nicer if people gave me REAL compliments like, "You look great! Do you work out? I wish I could have a figure like that, too."
Or show their concern in such a way like, "I'll bet you have a high metabolism. What kinds of foods do you eat to maintain your weight?"
You know, something like that, so it's not a flippin' condescending put-down about how I look, or well-intended concern that ends up being insulting because to me it's like why don't you just treat me like I've got some incurable, terminal disease brought on by some mental distress that I can't handle?
Sheesh.

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808144 tn?1332727940
by iwouldbdanielle, May 04, 2009
That is the type of world we live in, unfortunately. It seems no one can stay within their own little bubble and must butt into little aspects. It's not only you!

I always thought I was a little on the heavier side, and this year I've been slimming down, whatnot. So, I decide to take the pride in doing something about it. I haven't been doing much, but my family immediately noticed and assumed I had some eating disorder. It's just those 5-second assumptions that get them going and it annoys the heck out of me, too!

I'm going to start carrying around a squirt bottle and squirt people when they question weight. *giggles* I suggest you do the same! [:

326352 tn?1310997895
by lhughes, May 04, 2009
Well, I haven't seen you in person in a whit, but from your pics, I thought you still looked perfectly normal.  Skinny, but not boney; thin but not THIN...if ya know what I mean.  Perfectly normal.  :)  

You'd never make in on a fashion runway and we thank you for that!

184674 tn?1360864093
by AHP84, May 04, 2009
Oooh, the squirt bottle idea is ingenious! I love it! Lol!
Ah, and THANK YOU for saying I look normal as far as my weight and figure go, lhughes! I know I would never make it as a Victoria's Secret model (ew, thank God for that) and not only that...but the extent of my fashion statements are jeans, t-shirts, and ascending belt colors on my taekwondo uniform, lol.
I was so thrown off by Trev's teacher's comments that it just brought on a wave of all the constant rude comments I get ALL the time! All I did was walk in to get his stuff and she was like, omg you're rapidly losing weight!
Okay, I have no idea where she got that impression when the last time she saw me was...this morning when I dropped him off? She certainly had no concern then; at least, I didn't get a freaked out look from her. Honestly, she looked at me this afternoon like I was a "deeply troubled" young woman with a severe eating disorder that would take my life by tomorrow. Lol, it was kinda funny, but still slightly insulting, especially with how she approached asking me about it.

203342 tn?1328740807
by April2, May 04, 2009
I don't think you're too skinny. I think you're small, petite I guess you'd call it, but not skin and bones. I'd say you're at a good, healthy weight. Don't worry about what others say. Most of them are probably just jealous. ;)

189069 tn?1323405738
by babypooh, May 05, 2009
Yes! I'm one of the jealous ones LOL. You look great, honey :)

676912 tn?1332816151
by smjmekg, May 05, 2009
I just noticed this on the recent activity, and I can tell you first handedly that you are definitely not too thin!!! I was only ten pounds heavier than you, and the same height when I got pregnant with my son, I had gained a little weight after basic training ended when I joined the army (I started eating real food again). But I was the same weight as you when I got out of basic, and I loved how I looked...I could fit the same size pants as you, and I don't think I was too skinny. I would have loved to be 120 instead of 130, but I thought I was just fine...Not too skinny, not too big...

362249 tn?1441318618
by gokuangel, May 05, 2009
Dont even worry about it the way i have seen it the world no matter what will never change and it will always been something about your weight! I lost 15lbs and i look and feel great and i either hear nothing or i hear oh you have always complained about  your weight well those lbs dropped me from a comfortable size 7 to fitting bk into a 3!! but no1 notices! So if your BMI is right and ur comfortable them forget them and be happy!!

15480 tn?1302533402
by GNicole, May 05, 2009
You look great! I would just ignore those dumb comments. I am one of the jealous ones too-lol! :)

184674 tn?1360864093
by AHP84, May 05, 2009
Thanks everyone. It's really nice to hear from a group of people that I look normal. Really...because that is seriously how often I get negative feedback about how I look.
It's easy enough to ignore most of the time, as more often than not, people who make the comments are the ones who see me all the time and do so jokingly. But after a while, it just gets annoying. It makes me wonder--is that all people see when they look at me? Can I not just stand in someone's presence without getting a comment about my weight?
I guess I'm more bothered when people think I look unhealthy and then say so, maybe thinking I should take their concerned comments kindly? I don't know why that bothers me so much, but it always has. I've had the closest of friends and family members tell me that I need to gain weight. But I don't understand why when I've never in my entire life been underweight. The smallest I've been was when I was 17 and I weighed a lovely little 116-118 lbs--and even then I wore a pants size 6-9.
According to a BMI chart, I'd be underweight if I was 114 lbs or less, and overweight if I was over 145 lbs.
I'm like the rest of you in that when I look at myself in the mirror, I do not see a bony, underweight emaciated figure. Actually, I wish I could drop to 120, but the last time that happened was two years ago when I started TKD and I was 130 from working a desk job. Then I dropped 10 lbs in a month. Then I gained about 6 lbs of muscle within the next couple of months. So I have found it impossible to get back to 120 lbs again because with as often as I work out, I can't drop muscle weight, obviously. I feel better than I ever have before in these last two years of my life; I'm in shape and well toned.
So how in the world do some people get the impression that I look underweight and unhealthy?
Most of the time, I ignore the comments, but they happen so often (at least once a week) that I will admit that it gets to me on occasion. This happened to be one of the occasions.

326352 tn?1310997895
by lhughes, May 05, 2009
Tell 'em you are a "lean mean fighting machine".... then challenge them to a match!  :)

184674 tn?1360864093
by AHP84, May 05, 2009
LOL!!!

461781 tn?1285613081
by Mumita, May 05, 2009
Hey, I consider my normal (pre-pregnancy) weight to be 118 and I'm 5;6" but with a very small frame so even 118 I felt like I was average not too skinny and that was even 18 pounds more than I weighed in college. I have NEVER been on a diet and I have always been the kind to eat whatever I wanted, but everyone around me treated me like I was sick or something, I generally eat more than my husband except he's a snacker and I barely snack so I KNOW what you are saying.  But most people when they complain about someone elses weight its because they themselves have some weight issue or they have some weight insecurities and they rather point to someone else and make them feel bad so they themselves feel better about themselves. People are horrible.
The other thing is that the norm in the US is to be on the heavy side, the majority of adults in this country are overweight so of course the minority looks anorexic eventhough they may be at a healthy weight.
I had gained a bunch of weight this year before pregnancy and when I got pregnant I weighed 132 and I felt HUGE eventhough my BMI said I was normal.  But you know your own body and you know what normal for you is so ignore everyone that wants to throw their neurotic weight insecurities at you.  You are fine.

Avatar universal
by Toxic_Angel, Dec 22, 2012
Haha, it seems like most of the people around you are stuck in their highschool years. It sounds to me like you were given gifts any woman -and man- would die for. I guess people are just jealous :) but it does suck that these people can't hide it and instead try to make your gifts to feel like curses.

973741 tn?1342346373
by specialmom, Dec 22, 2012
I just read your first post.  The teacher sounded concerned and worried about you to me----  not trying to be nasty.  When I was expecting a baby, I did gain weight for sure!  Do you think people are worried about you for some reason?  

Perhaps that you haven't gained weight while pregnant is causing your face to hollow out as the baby uses some of what you eat for itself???  

But if your doctor feels you are healthy and you feel good about yourself, then that is all that matters.  



Avatar universal
by Londres70, Dec 22, 2012
Hon, people say the most RIDICULOUS things sometimes.  She sounds like an idiot.  People will ALWAYS find something stupid to say.  If it isn't about your weight it will be about something else that ISN'T their business.  We apparently live in a "must know everything about someone else" world.  

I am petite too and people think I don't eat enough and I eat PLENTY.  

Is it really any of her business about your weight or whether you are anorexic/have an eating disorder, etc.?

Some people choose to mind other people's business when they need to focus on their business.  

The squirt bottle idea is excellent......hehehehe.  


163305 tn?1333672171
by orphanedhawk, Dec 22, 2012
Um. Did you, TA, SM and L notice this journal is dated from 2009 ?



973741 tn?1342346373
by specialmom, Dec 22, 2012
ha ha.  NO!!!  I'm so dumb sometimes.  AH, I know you are expecting a baby and that was why I was like . . .  HM?  Strange that people think you are losing weight.  LOL  

Avatar universal
by Londres70, Dec 22, 2012
OMG.......hehehe.  No, I didn't.  I just jumped in and started chiming in.  Guess I was more engrossed in the topic than the date.  

973741 tn?1342346373
by specialmom, Dec 22, 2012
I know, and I was concerned why my friend AH who is having a baby isn't gaining any weight.  LOL  Sorry HP!!!

184674 tn?1360864093
by AHP84, Dec 24, 2012
Lol, my notification box was all filled up with links to this journal and I was like, "Wow! How did this old thing pop up three years later?!" Haha, well it brings back memories, at least. ;-)
But yeah...I'm not looking too skinny right now at 22 weeks! At least, nothing like how I looked at the time I wrote this so long ago! But I shall again soon...in like, six months, lol.

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