May 07, 2009
Well, I have spent the morning on the pity pot, crying at times and feeling sorry for myself. I reflected back on all my entries and applied the variuos ideas that gave one some positiveness, open mindness, and just plain hope for tommorow. I did promise myslf not to get depressed and upset over being depressed nor would I allow myself to remain in an attitude of hopelessness and ungratefullness. I know that if I gave myself premission to be negative all day long I would take away time to have moments of happiness and the ability to to be truely grateful for all things life has given me. By nature it is so much easier to be negative and accepting of what is put on my plate. To replace the neg with unknown positive. can be scarey, overwhelming, unfamilar, and freq unwanted. The saying it is easier to stay in a pile if s______ that is warm, soft and familar is often more desirable then searching for the positive, happy situatuations and acknowledge they are just as freq avaiable as the bad. I am so very lucky to have a God that I believe in that will give me love and strength in the future. My husband has been so good to me. He was willing to listen to me . He has cared for me all day long without one complaint. He reminds me of my PT and the things I need to focus on to strengthen my leg. He constantly provides new things to make my situation safer. Last night he put an angle nightlight right by my bed so I would have more liht. He listens and accepts my moodiness, prays with me and encougages me. No he isn't perfect but at times he closes in on it. My sister and mom call everyday to see how I am doing. They stop by and help clean closet ect. I miss my brother Joe that passed away. Wish he was ere but he is and a much better place with no pain and can look down here knowing he is missed and loved. My hubby just asked why I was tearul. We talkd about j for awhile. I did accomplish alot of things todao. Completed medical ins paperwork. Just hope I donot get real sick until it is einstated. Writing always helps and if anyone reading this is offended just remember my humaness is showing and I am just a human being with alot of emotions who has alot of positive things to ovr ride the normal and glad this too will pass.