May 07, 2009
I saw the Dr. for my monthly visit and all is looking OK so far..hemoglobin is holding in the low 10's. Hard to believe it makes such a dramatic difference to slip below 9 ! 6 month ultrasound showed no HCC so I assumed we could skip the AFP tumor marker, but, no, they keep tabs on that to watch for patterns as in increases. At that point they would start monitoring me every three months for HCC to try to catch it early.
The 10 mg Celexa every morning is really helping out emotionally. I don't have any physical manifestations with it, but I do notice a calmness without being zombie-like. I really thought I could do without them, but I was getting into serious trouble without even realizing it. Thank goodness for family and friends calling me on a few iffy choices I was making. The meltdowns I obviously knew I was in trouble, but on the flip side...is there such a thing as drug induced bi-polar issues? On my good days on tx, I thought I was invincible and at 12 weeks or so, decided out of the blue that I wanted to buy a home in a distant city. I thought it perfectly reasonable to think I could drive back and forth to work an hour and a half each way while on treatment...and if it got to be too much, I'd "just" find another job...on tx! Ye gads! I came SO close...Thank goodness the house, lovely as it was...sold within the week.
I think too that other issues had come ito play...feeling trapped by this illness...that I was grabbing at straws to feel more in control of my life. When you're in the midst of a flux of sx, each day presents new challenges and none of them enjoyable. Non-stop worry at times. And sometimes, nothing to do but ride them out. I'm getting decidedly saddle-sore!