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So horribly embarrassed..

Sep 24, 2013 - 15 comments

So insanely embarrassed today. It is unreal. I was dropping DS (4) off at school today. We were sitting in the lobby with the other parents and kids waiting for class to start to send the kids down to Pre-K. We are sitting there and Dameon says "Hey Mom.. I got a gun in my backpack." I said WHAT? That is NOT funny, that is very serious.. and guns are dangerous. And he says "Hey Mom, can you hold my gun?" I said Dameon, NOT funny. If you say it again we're leaving this room and sitting in the car til class starts. This whole time, he never has a toy gun or anything, just pretending. Then he says "boom" pretending to shoot a gun. By now I'm just so embarrassed I'm ready to take him outside and home. I don't know where he's getting this, another kid in his class, i dont know. We don't play video games, we don't own ANY guns, my husband doesn't shoot, doesn't hunt, NOTHING!! We don't let him watch stupid TV shows.. I don't know what to do. I don't want the other parents thinking we're a crazy reckless family. Any input? :( I've talked to him many times about the dangers of guns, etc. All he has for toy guns are water guns, and those are gone as of now too..Input please!! :(

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4548024 tn?1590005019
by renae176, Sep 24, 2013
I would ask him why he would make up a story about something so serious, but i wouldn't worry about it to much, kids have great imaginations, all parents know that, I wouldn't be embarrassed K,

2020005 tn?1476658962
by KTowne, Sep 24, 2013
I'm trying to remember that kids have great imaginations, but for him to come out with something so serious out of no where, it blows my mind. My husband and I are going to talk to him tonight, because that can't happen again.

790669 tn?1465189099
by Des_a_rae, Sep 24, 2013
Oh my goodness.  If there's nothing "gun" related at home then he's definitely getting it from someone.  My nephew, when he started kindegarden (I'm ashamed to say) that his mama and daddy let them all(they have 3 other kids) shoot fireworks and blow up stuff.  Like boxes and stuff with Brayden being so young(and please don't think I'm saying Kelly wasn't around..they were out there the whole time, just to trusting with him being so little).  Well he went to school and this was "normal" to him, so he's telling all his friends at school about it and scaring them so Kelly (Brayden's mama) gets a call from one of the teachers.  He didn't know any better but Kelly should have.  So she had to explain to him that he can't talk about stuff like that at school.  Not everyone was like him, to talk about his race cars and his 4 wheeler and such.  I'd imagine you're going to sit him down and try to figure out where he's heard stuff like this from.  Kids just repeat what they hear, especially from their friends.  Like I told Kelly, it wasn't Braydens' fault that yall let him do this..so all he knows is to talk about what he's done.  I'm sure your son is just repeating things he's heard from someone at school, because he thinks it's ok.  He'll learn..You're a good mama!!  Sending hugs!

134578 tn?1578157483
by AnnieBrooke, Sep 24, 2013
It's fun to embarrass Mommy.   Do you think he would have continued in the same vein if you had smiled in a slightly distracted way and said, "A gun.  What do you know," in that bored voice moms get when they are not really paying much attention?

1580318 tn?1550254481
by Shannon79, Sep 24, 2013
That is so true, annie. Kids pick up on parent's "stressers".

I agree that he's learned it somewhere else. It's unbelievable how much they pick up from kids at school. My 8 year old son comes home with new stuff all the time, and believe me it is not all good. He started coming home from school with a horrible attitude. I don't know which one of his friends taught him this, but I want it to go away!




2020005 tn?1476658962
by KTowne, Sep 24, 2013
I agree! I really think maybe it was my reaction too.. but I don't want to act non chalant and have the other parents be like.. do you not get the severity of it? Do you think it's something to talk to his teacher about?

296076 tn?1371334474
by melimeli, Sep 24, 2013
not a big deal.  Dr laura says that as long as they are shooting "bad guys" then that is great behavior for a little boy.  Boys learn to be police men, soldiers great professions, great men, heros.  There is nothing wrong with hunting and gun ownership.  Even play guns for little boys.  (I have not boys and am not a gun owner) but I see nothing wrong with it.  We don't criminalize an object. it is how it is used.  I am a teacher btw

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by weaver71, Sep 24, 2013
I am a pure pacifist, my son is 10 and has loved guns and military weapons since he was 4. It finally bothered me so much that I confronted him. I asked him how he would feel if be actually killed someone, took away a son, father, friend of others. He said he didn't want to kill anyone, he just liked the bang. Well, I said there are other ways to use black powder. We
Never used the word weapon and lived on an organic farm at the time, he had no influences, he was born with those interests. Anyway, I started teaching him tracking and hunting. We also bought a fireworks kit from Sylighter for his birthday. He has learned about chemistry, life science, patience, etc.... from his love for guns. We call them tools, not weapons. I won't allow a hand gun, unless it is holstered for protection against Grizzlies or cougars. Don't know if this helps, but directing my son's interest has helped with this issue. I caught my son pointing a toy gun at my daughter, we don't allow that. I started to scold him and my daughter defended him. She said, "It's okay, I am a deer he is hunting for jerky this winter." I cracked up, this was the girl who defended the hunter who killed Bambi's mom, she told her friend who was crying that hunters have to eat too. Kids are part nature, part nurture. I hope my story helps in some way.

973741 tn?1342342773
by specialmom, Sep 24, 2013
Well, I, in all honesty, would not go crazy with this.  Kids have been playing cops and robbers/ cowboys and Indians/ super heroes for eons.  I know that I personally was ANTI gun/weapon and was a super helicopter mom that took special care to have the 'right' environment for my kids.  Low and behold, my little darling found that by putting his pointer finger and thumb in a certain position made a pretend gun with his own hand!~  Had no idea where it came from but he ran around the back yard 'getting the bad guys' for me having a blast.  Honestly, the bigger deal you make out of it, the bigger deal guns will become to him.

Anniebrooke's idea was really a good one.  

and the only mom's that looked shocked or upset are the ones that are unfamiliar with boys and they are at the school with their first son.  Because, any given house with a boy 7 or above, you'll most likely find some Nerf guns, wooden/plastic swords, shields, knight in armor stuff, cowboy stuff, super hero stuff, etc.  And lots of those guys have guns incorporated with the costume and play.  It's part of the pretend world.  And in fact, I played some of that stuff myself as a kid and am not now a homicidal maniac because of it.  :>)  

My sons are now 9 and 8.  They are in Cub Scouts.  Two summers ago when they were 8 and 7, they attended their first half day cub scout camp for a week.  Guess what they spent a lot of time doing?  Learning gun safety, shooting BB guns at targets and archery.  They get badges for it and it is an honor.  This is the CUB Scouts.  A well respected organization for boys.  

Now, rules at school are very strict and no guns allowed is important.  And I can see where this embarrassed you.  My patent line at those moments is to say to the group staring at me "This is a proud mom moment."  Usually everyone laughs and they know that I don't really condone the behavior but boys will be boys and my kid has just let me down publically in front of them.  

Last year I was picking up my son's back to school packet.  His new teacher, old teacher, lots of other teachers and principal were all sitting at tables in a small space right there.  A teacher asked my son what he did all summer and he said "I watched PG-13 movies!"  I about died (inside).  My husband let him watch ONE PG-13 movie----  Iron Man (which is a pretty good movie).  But for some reason he said what he said as 'what he'd been doing all summer."  That was when red faced I threw out the "What a proud mom moment this is."  Laughter.  

But again, I wouldn't go too crazy on this one.  Just ask him what the deal was and that guns are a no no in school and if he really brought a gun, you'd get a phone call because they aren't allowed.  No, don't talk to his school.  You'll seem neurotic to be honest.  I'm sure that many kids in the almost in kindergarten /pre K class know that police have guns, Cowboys have guns, the ARmy has guns, etc.  A discussion with your sun about guns being dangerous and that they are to serve a specific purpose is a better plan.  

good luck (Oh, and remember, I am anti gun.  Don't own one, want laws changed regarding guns. and don't allow violent video games, etc. for my kids------.)

2020005 tn?1476658962
by KTowne, Sep 24, 2013
Thank you so much for the great in put ladies. I felt so worried about this (not the fact that he plays guns, or other kids do, just the fact of how he said it, the setting he said it in, etc.) I called and asked to talk to his teacher at dismisal. She came out and talked with me and said she understood my concern and that there is one boy in class who's father is military and he's big in to guns and playing guns, that he sits next to at reading time. They don't allow to play guns in school either, but this one child has tried a few times to play it and they've told him not in school. I told her I just wanted to make sure it wasn't how he was talking in school and that's not something he's exposed to at home, she was very understanding, thank god! And hopefully we don't have to go through that again! Lol!

2020005 tn?1476658962
by KTowne, Sep 24, 2013
And actually SpecialMom, the one that looked at me like me and my child were crazy - is the child that is trying to play guns in school. Maybe a guilty look? Haha!

973741 tn?1342342773
by specialmom, Sep 24, 2013
Ha, that IS funny.  I had the blessing of an older sister with boys who talked me down off the mom ledge many times when it came to my sons.

It's so funny that you never can tell about families.  My son went on a play date at the house of a boy we know at school and our church.  His mom is a preschool teacher and really, they are super nice, conservative, straight laced family.  My son came home and told me that they'd played Mortal Combat on the X box.  I looked it up . . .  Rated M for mature!  I'd never have guessed they let their son play that and when my son asked to get it---  he got a big fat NO WAY.  It's just so interesting to me the different things parents do out there.  Wish there was a formula to follow that was absolute!  That boy (who plays mortal combat) couldn't be any nicer or more gentle.  

Maybe the other mom was more looking like that because she didn't understand why you were embarrassed.  LOL  OR yes, the guilty look.  (when inside she was happy it wasn't HER son this time).  

Glad you resolved with the teacher and feel better about it.

When my son was 4, we had a play date and the other boy was talking about spider man.  my son looked at me blankly and asked me if he was spider man because he liked to play with spiders.  I'd never introduced him to any super heroes.  He has sensory integration disorder and we were working on his play skills so I got some kiddie (for little guys) books on super heroes and read them to him so he'd know what the other boys were talking about.  I was more into Rescue Heroes that are police, firefighters, construction workers, etc.  But I wanted him to be able to play with his peers and so have always paid careful attention to what boys are into around him.  Super heroes hit around 4 a little and big time at 5!  Prepare yourself, Star Wars isn't long after that and you too will have a closet full of light sabers!  :<))))  

2020005 tn?1476658962
by KTowne, Sep 24, 2013
LOL! I have a feeling light sabers are soon coming. Just such a proud mom moment as you said, I wanted to just hide!! Just the context he used it, and kept repeating it over and over.. blows my mind because he never talks like that at home! So glad it's worked out though! I hope his teacher doesn't think I'm a hippie freak who doesn't want my son to know of guns at all, I just wanted to make sure I don't get a call in a week saying my son is only talking about guns and wondering what he's exposed to at home!

134578 tn?1578157483
by AnnieBrooke, Sep 25, 2013
I agree with specialmom that if you had acted like you were only listening with a half an ear to the comment, none of the other moms would have thought one thing about it.  Their kids have never said odd things in public?  A kid under five would have a real gun and announce it over and over to his mommy?  (If God forbid a kid really had a gun at school, he would not be repeating it over and over to his mommy.  He'd be sneaking around to show it to one or two of his buddies.)  If you really think you were sitting with a bunch of potentially alarmist mommies who would report what he said to the authorities (or, as a plan against some future date when your son tries this fun game again in public), you could have absently said, "But honey, you don't own any guns ..." in an abstracted tone of voice that stifles a yawn at your boredom at this goofy game your son was playing.  That would have clarified things about your NRA membership and probable militia leanings to any snoopy other mom, and would have made it clear you knew your son was just mouthing off.  I've waited a year with the kindergarten moms for our kids to come out of school, and am now doing it with the first-grade moms, and have heard and seen it all with the younger kids who are waiting with Mommy.  Taking off clothes, hitting siblings, hiding, running away and not coming back when called, meltdowns, etc.  Everyone accepts that the mom in charge of the child can correctly assess the situation, and mostly everyone just rolls their eyes sympathetically at the harassed mother who is trying to rein in the wild kid.

Take care.  :)

952542 tn?1456763561
by Gardezi, Sep 25, 2013
great journal and input...ive learned so much:)

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